Easy Out

It’s hard. It’s gonna hurt. It will challenge you. It’s tough to swallow. Somewhat bearable. The pain will bring healing. It’s gonna get worse before it gets better. You will wish you hadn’t. Getting started is the hard part. It’s going to take time.

Words we do not want to hear, right? Even more so today. We are presented with so many outs now that we seek to avoid pain and suffering and challenges with such magnitude that sometimes we are really just heaping on more pain and suffering for further down. Yet, we still choose avoid. We choose to run the other way. We rarely confront and fight and seek to endure.

In the book of Jeremiah (a man of supreme endurance), the Israelites were making choices that were of self and not of God. After an extensive period of time of waiting on the people to turn from their sin and return to Him, God allowed their sin to engulf them and their land was ravaged by the invading Babylonian Empire.

(Check your history texts. The account of this siege is written from the Babylonian perspective as well. History Teacher Nerd interjection)

Jeremiah was a prophet standing out in the crowd. He spoke God’s truth and was ignored, bullied, imprisoned, chastised, excluded, teased, tortured, yelled at, and discouraged by the people that God had placed him with to serve. Yet, when they wanted or needed something, they came back to him. We have all been this person to a friend or loved one. You know that feeling? They don’t want anything to do with you until they need something. Well Jeremiah felt like this EVERY DAY with EVERY PERSON he encountered. Talk about a battle with depression. Wowsers!

In chapter 42, a remnant of the people were spared from a slaying and had decided that they needed to run away. They had found the “out.” They had found the easier path. They had identified the way to avoid the pain and suffering. They had found the temporary relief.

Easy Out #1 - The easier path for them would be to go to Egypt and just blend in. They may not be in the upper class there, but they can find jobs and food and shelter. They can be a part of an already existing culture that has thriving economic activity. They can make some adjustments to their daily practice, but it will be so much easier than the alternative.

The alternative would be to stay. To stick it out. To endure the challenge. To experience the pain. To start the journey of restoration. To be patient with the time it will take. To fight.

The people of God had been spared from slaying because God had promised this land to them that they were being ran out of by the Babylonians. He wanted to show them that He was true to His word and this land is their land. Not the Babylonians. He wanted them to claim this gift and hold onto it no matter who tried to take it from their grasp. He wanted them to TRUST HIM.

Yet, here is what they said to Jeremiah.

“Please hear our petition and pray to the Lord your God for this entire remnant. For as you now see, though we were once many, now only a few are left. Pray that the Lord your God will tell us where we should go and what we should do…May the Lord be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with everything the Lord your God sends you to tell us. Whether it is favorable or unfavorable, we will obey the Lord our God, to whom we are sending you, so that it will go well with us, for we will obey the Lord our God.” Jeremiah 42:2-3, 5-6

Sounds humble right? Let’s look a little more closely. In the beginning they are referring to God as Jeremiah’s god and asking Jeremiah to talk to the Creator of the Universe. They are not recognizing him as their own Creator. Which also demonstrates they are not in a personal relationship with him. Which also indicates they do not trust him. Things are hard.

Easy out #2 - Let’s ask God to fix it.

We do that too. And when He doesn’t fix it in our timing, we try to do it ourselves. Or if he doesn't fix it like we want him to, we seek other methods through the world. When we ask the Lord, we are to wait on the Lord and allow Him to reveal to us His master plan in His timing.

Look at how their language evolves through their petition. “May the Lord be a true and faithful witness against us if we do not act in accordance with everything the Lord your God sends you to tell us.”

Translation - our current language - “I promise God, if you do this for me, give this to me, spare me from this, help me with this, I will never do that again. I promise I will do better with this practice. I promise this. I promise that.”

God doesn't need our empty promises. God doesn’t need us. He longs for us to be in such a loving relationship with Him that we make mistakes and apologize and he forgives us and we move on. We don’t have to make empty promises. In fact, he knows they are empty. Just be real with Him. Be the person with God that you want others to be with you. But BE WITH HIM. Talk with Him. Spend time with Him. That time you spend with Him will be the transformation within your soul that will get you to a place where you will no longer have to make false promises.

“…for we will obey the Lord our God.” He is Jeremiah’s God until the very last statement. Remember when you were a child and you would ask your mom and dad for something? You would end the plea with some sweet compliment or a promise or a cute smile. This last statement we find the Israelites acknowledging God as THEIR God and not just Jeremiah’s God. It wasn’t out of respect and adoration. It was out of desperation and one last compliment to sweeten the plea.

We find that God tells Jeremiah to inform the Israelites after 10 days of waiting to stay and He will bless them and they will thrive. Verse 9-18 is God’s explanation to the Israelites that He intends for them to have this land and to be built up and protected from the king of Babylon. He encourages them to not be afraid. He does not promise that the king will go away. He does not promise that it will be easy. He does not promise instantaneous blessings. He assures them that they needn’t fear because He is with them. God, knowing the heart of the people was craving the easy out, warns that easier will not be better. God clearly tells them that going to Egypt will lead to famine and plague. In other words, God is clearly stating “the grass is not greener on the other side.”

Kudos to them for waiting 10 days. We are guilty of not even waiting a few hours sometimes. However, they now have to make the decision. Do they trust God and play through the pain of rebuilding their kingdom? Do they trust God as they sow their crops and begin to establish an economy again? Do they trust God to even lie their heads down without fear of an invasion? Do they trust God and stay and experience the healing and compassion of the greatest capacity?

They said to the Lord, “..so that it will go well with us…”, but I am not so sure that they were thinking this is what He would say.

“God, let this relationship work because he seems perfect for me.”
Is he perfect, or does life seem easier if you marry this guy with money?

“God, grant me this job so I can financially bless others.”
Do you really want to financially bless others or do you want to live a comfy life and asking for a job to use the money to bless others sounds better?

“God, heal my mom from this illness so I can tell others about your miraculous power.”
This prayer is not insincere, but be aware that God’s healing comes in many different forms and sometimes the endurance of the trial is what will give Him greater witness.

Life is hard. It isn’t hard because of God. Life is hard because too many people are choosing the easy way out. Because of their choices, our world is spiraling into a darker place. The grass is not greener. Easy still comes with a cost. What God wants for you is so much more rich and full and beautiful.

Are you willing to wait 10 days or more? Are you willing to deepen your relationship with Him so that you can pray with trust and faith? Are you willing to allow restoration to occur in your soul? Did you know that restoration in you will lead to restoration in others? Join me in rebuilding the kingdom. Can you imagine how beautiful it will be?

Deep and Wide

One of the greatest stories my family enjoys sharing of my childhood would be the epic children’s musical presentation of which I debuted my true colors. No, I did not take the lead in a solo. No, I did not pull my frilly church dress up over my head. No, I didn’t wave at my parents or adoring grandparents from stage. All of those behaviors are too common for a church girl singing on stage with all of her fashionably dressed peers. I exhibited leadership and protest to questionable authority in a profound and incriminating way. I found injustice and lack of consistency and spoke truth to an ignorant body. I looked the ruling figure square in the eye and rebuked their decision for it was causing a disturbance in my soul and I could not stand back and let such disorder and chaos ensue.

I was four.

A classic children’s church song that expounds upon the endlessness of God’s love for us is “Deep and Wide”. Do you not know it? That is telling of where you are in church or where you are in your walk. Not judging. Trust me. It is just telling. For those of us who did grow up in a traditional, Bible-thumping, sunrise service observing, fall festival (NOT HALLOWEEN) hosting, watered down VBS kool-aid drinking, Just As I Am Southern Baptist church, let us sing together and introduce this song to our friends.

Deep and Wide,
Deep and wide,
There’s a fountain flowing
Deep and wide

Deep and wide,
Deep and wide,
There’s a fountain flowing
Deep and wide.

Catchy, right? It gets better. For memorization mastery and awareness of proper singing position, children’s choir directors would conduct this masterpiece by singing it through one time followed by at least two, and sometimes three, additional times with missing words. Where the words should be in the song, the children’s choir was instructed to hum the word with your mouth properly formed encapsulating the egg with lips closed. You choir people know the position.

Deep and *HUM*,
Deep and *HUM*,
There’s a fountain flowing
Deep and *HUM*.

Deep and *HUM*,
Deep and *HUM*,
There’s a fountain flowing
Deep and *HUM*.

Amazing! The next round would find the voices substituting the word DEEP with a *HUM* and returning the word WIDE to the song. If the choir director felt a little Holy Spirit coming onto the sanctuary, we would go one last time with both words, DEEP and WIDE, being substituted with *HUM*. That’s right.

*HUM* and *HUM*

But wait! I forgot yet another part that makes this song just a step out of the traditional church worship setting. IT HAD MOTIONS. I know, right. You see Aunt Edna getting out her church pew fan right now for fear that she might faint because there was a form of dancing occurring in the worship service. Beads of sweat were forming on Deacon Roberson as he knew he might have to come up to the stage and carry out of the sanctuary the child on the back row that was bending his knees just a little too much for comfort. Yet, we did it anyway. For Deep, the hands expanded the floor to ceiling direction creating an invisible box. For Wide, the hands expanded the left and right, once again as if holding an invisible box. The left and right was always fun because someone always got struck with the aggressive worshipper seeking to prove a point about the expanse of God’s love from East to West.

The small section of the song that differed somewhat had it’s own little cute choreography. “There’s a fountain flowing” engaged the chorus to take their hands and make them into little fists and roll the fists as an extension of their 90 degree bent forearm over and over each other very similar to the also popular “Patty Cake” motion of “roll ‘em up, roll ‘em up”. Are you seeing it? There was much practiced involved for this production. You see, there was great concern for all of the choir members as to whether we were to roll our arms forward, away from the body, or backward, towards the body. Such stress for little ones.

Now, you have the song and the visual of how the song was to unfold. Let us return to the performance.

The small children’s choir of 15 or so preschoolers have taken the stage. The sanctuary was full because it was VBS Commencement. If you do not know what Commencement is, your welcome. Another day. This is the day of VHS recording cameras that were the size of the ones used by the newscast and the sanctuary was saturated with them as proud parents and grandparents were here to watch their babies sing ONE, maybe TWO songs of the same length of the above described song. It was epic.

Preschoolers get to go first in the production for many reasons.

They are the youngest, so you must go in order some way. Why not start with the youngest.
They have the shortest attention span, so making them go last would be disastrous.
They are the cutest, so they hook the crowd into watching the rest of the performances that may or may not be as adorable. (see first paragraph about waving and pulling dresses up over faces)
After they perform, they can be released to their parents and no longer the responsibility of the choir director.

We took the stage and I was front and center. Aren’t you special, you might say. I am. I was loud, and at this age, they just want you to make some noise. I knew the words and the motions, so I would actually perform correctly instead of fooling with my dress. AND last, but not least, I had family in charge of this production.

We sing through the first round of Deep and Wide and I did my part to keep us afloat. I was proud and poised to go through the next round with the implementation of the necessary and strategic humming. I giggled even to myself knowing that we would be so cute and all of these little old ladies would cackle and whisper to their husbands, “awe, look at that George. Aren’t they precious?”

And then it happened. The chaos and absence of order flooded over me. I felt pale and almost nauseated. Things were spinning out of control and I had to stop it before people were led astray. I had to speak up about the error of our ways. I began to sweat and the emotions came over me in a flash…so quickly that the room was almost spinning.

“NO!” I shouted at the choir director. “NO, that is not right!”

The choir director looked at me stunned and continued to try to direct the rest of the choir through the song by ignoring my protests. The choir director also looked at me as if I had lost my mind and that I would pay for this vocal outburst. I didn’t care. I saw an injustice and I was flooded with the severity of the need to right this wrong.

“STOP!”

“You are dong it all wrong! We go, ‘deep and *hum*’ first NOT ‘*hum* and wide’ first.”

The choir director then makes a desperate glance over her shoulder to see if the parents of this unruly child would respond. The choir director was now sweating, also. The choir director was under the impression of “the show must go on” so regardless if we messed up the order of the song, we must keep singing and the choir must follow the director. My four year old little mind had not been introduced to that concept yet. I did not have that stage poise. I was just determined to fix the problem that was presented to my face.

Tears welled up in my little eyes and screaming began because there was not a correction being made to this horrible error. I, front and center, for all the church to see, was speaking the truth of the great depth and width of God’s love and I knew that order was important, but we are not sticking to the order that had been practiced day after day after day. My heart could not contain my disappointment and I wanted to fix it immediately.

“Richard, come and get her right now!” said the choir director through clenched teeth and slightly controlled anger.

The crowd was uncontrollable with laughter, but I was oblivious to it as I was filled with my own anger that such a travesty could happen.

As I saw my father walking up to the stage from the back of the sanctuary (where he sat because he was our sound man), I cried harder and started dancing in place because I knew that this was not going to end well for me. I was so torn because I was upset this injustice had occurred and yet I was going to be beaten for speaking my mind.

My father scooped me up off the stage and continued to loop the sanctuary carrying me out kicking and screaming. I do not know how the rest of the VBS commencement service went. I was banished from the ceremony as I had embarrassed my family with my outburst.

Was I tactful in my protest? No.

Was I timely in my protest? No.

Did I get my point across? Absolutely. Yet, not in a way that was impactful for the good.

Do people still remember my behavior to this day? I am reminded of this memory by church members I grew up with almost every time I go home.

Did I change the world for the better? No. Absolutely not.

Timing and truth. Truth must not be compromised. EVER. However, timing is Jesus. ALWAYS.

Remember that when you are trying to get your point across.

By the way, the choir director…she was my mother.

It Took 4 Years

Since that day, I have a grand list of life occurrences that have taken place. Since that day, I have rested my head at 8 different addresses. Since that day, I have applauded my husband’s accomplishments in completing his masters and excelling in leadership in his field. Since that day, I, too, have attained my masters and am finally employed in a position where I am serving people with my talents. Since that day, I have owned at minimum 12 pets. Since that day, I have held employment at 8 different establishments. Since that day, I have owned no less than 10 cell phones. Since that day, I have driven 5 different cars. Since that day, I have had at least 20 different hair styles. Since that day, I have lost my mother and both of her parents. Since that day, my husband’s parents have divorced and remarried. Since that day, my husband has survived 4 life-threatening experiences. Since that day, my house has flooded twice. Since that day, cancer has taken many people dear to me. Since that day, I have had a scare with that beast myself. Since that day, I have had 3 pregnancies. And on that day in 2012, one came to an end.

I said goodbye to a dream. I accepted the not now or maybe later. I grieved the death of a child that I never got to hold. I curled up in the lap of my Heavenly Father and wept on his chest as he held me and told me that He hurt with me. I was showered with love by others, which were extensions of His mercy and grace upon me as I was not allowed to walk this alone.

Yet, today, as I watch the 15 year memorial on the History Channel of September 11 in our great nation’s history, my frailty resurfaces and I am aware that there is still more grieving to take place and there is so much more going on in my world than my selfish obsessions. God, in all his great patience (15 years and more) is awaiting my response to His call to action. There are people who have also lived at 8 or more addresses since September 11, 2001. There are people who have juggled more than 8 jobs since then because they had to, not because of choice like myself. There are people who have not driven a car at all because they cannot afford one. There are people who lost multiple loved ones that day and are still not sure about life after death. Yet, here I sit in my own pity party wondering what I am to do next when all the while, I hold the answer. I know what happens next.

Since that day, I have seen God move our family through His leading into each of these new addresses and I have rejoiced in the excitement and deliverance each time - EACH TIME. Since that day, I have seen my husband thrive in the education of the church and in turn pour out his wisdom to others as he strives to serve people. Since that day, I have seen God give me the ability to juggle 2 children, teaching, coaching, and leading a small group all while getting my master’s degree. Since that day, I have watched my mother pass AND I, YES I, got to say goodbye unlike the over 3000+ families that did not get that closure.

This day is so much harder for me since 2012. I should have a 3 year old to tuck in tonight. I should be packing 3 lunches for school tomorrow. I should lay out 3 outfits. I should be outside practicing with training wheels again. But I am not and it is good. Now here is where I am.

For nearly 4 years, I have been in deep conversation with God about accepting this desire of my heart and discovering how else He intends to fulfill it. Here is my reality that He is finally getting through to me. He is not going to fulfill this desire. He is not.

Did you just catch your breath as well?

For 4+ years, I have been trusting God to fulfill the desire of my heart for more children to care for and I have been creating different ways for this desire to transpire. I just know He wants me to share our loving family with other children. If I cannot birth another one, than we must adopt. A foreign adoption makes so much sense as we will be able to give a child in an impoverished land a greater opportunity to know God, to know family, to know their abilities, to thrive.

But we didn’t raise enough money…and then we moved…and our situations shifted…but I still tried to make my vision His vision.






We will foster and that will most likely lead to adoption and oh how God will be honored through this experience. We went through the classes. We met all the requirements. We got a house with enough room. We found excitement. We got a placement.

They were beautiful babies that I fell in love with instantly. But this was not what God wanted for our family. So he took things in which I had found security and stability and caused them to create great instability and anguish in my own personal being. I cried so much. At the time, I thought my tears were from exhaustion and fatigue. Now, I know. They were tears of grieving.

I grieved not only the realization that we could not keep these children in our lives, but that God was painfully telling me what He had been trying to tell me all along. The desire of my heart for my life are my desires and not His. My heart was bleeding for His broken and fallen world and that gave Him great joy. Yet, the calling I was trying to call myself to answer was not His voice, but only my own.

How can you do the things I long for you to do when you keep trying to do everyone else’s assignment, Jodi? Why are you weary? Because you are trying to be anybody but who I designed you to be. Be still and listen.

That baby you carried for 11 weeks was a creation that I made and I allowed you to experience because you so desired that feeling once more. Yet, if I had allowed that baby, with the conditions that were present, to come into your life, your hands would be tied to not do other things I have designed you to do.

This baby you sought to adopt from a foreign land; a land full of MY PEOPLE that I have formed and have a greater love for than you will ever be able to experience; that baby would also take time away from your sharpening of your gifts. These precious little ones need so much more than you can give right now, Jodi. I did not desire to watch you weep with the agony of despair and failure that I know you to experience.

I gave you two at an age you requested and I knew your heart would be one with their’s immediately, because I know YOU. I formed you and I know how you tick. I gave in and allowed you to weep with agony and despair and the feeling of failure that you experienced as things did not line up for you to keep these two precious ones that I also spoke into existence. I gave in to your continual pleas as I knew you had come to a place where you needed to see for yourself what I was trying to speak over you so many times before.

Now, do you hear me? I love you more than you will ever comprehend. I have plans for you to prosper. I have given you a spirit of power and self-worth. The world has sought to tear you down, but I have come to restore you and pick you up out of the mire. I have come to watch you spark a flame and eventually become a blazing fire that draws people to my name. I am holding you now and steadying your gait as fear seeks to wrap your feet like cement and prevent them from taking even one step further.

Begin the plunge back into my Word and hide it in your heart as the world will now more readily attack your vulnerability. Reach out for my promises and close your ears to the chiding and laughter and discouragement. Remember that the same heart I gave you to love those babies is the same heart that now needs to love the offspring of those who were devastated by life and are just not sure I am real and I am here. That same heart that you had to rescue those in another land where prosperity is limited is the heart I want you to use to recognize the absence of prosperity everywhere and bring that awareness to my throne. Let me hear you speak of what you see as I see you trust me to deliver just as I have delivered you.

Though you are acknowledging the difference in my vision and your vision, I am completely OK with your grieving resurfacing. I created you. I made you an emotional being. I expect you to feel and I long for you to let me be a part of that process - even if it means that you look at me with those eyes of great disappointment. I only wish I could get through to you sooner so that this is not so painful. Too often I have seen you dream wild and freely only to have it crash. I want you to dream and I want you to run without fear towards impossible goals, but I want them to be the goals I HAVE for you because they are THE BEST.

Since that day, I have watched the widows and orphans increase and the care for them fluctuate. Since that day, I have watched people release their linked arms and begin to fill with hate again. Since that day, I have watched people live like tomorrow is given even though you watched with intense awareness that it is not. Since that day, cancer still attacks. Since that day, terrorists still lurk. Since that day, jealousy still eats the flesh and the Sabbath is no longer holy. Since that day, my heart for my people has only grown more sorrowful and my army of men and women of faith is depleting into a weak and self-absorbed sit-in. Where are you? I go before you and I stand behind and I am always by your side. I reign forever. It will take my angel armies to help you, but if you trust me, they will come. Since that day, I have been waiting on you to see MY BEST FOR YOU. Trust that just as I was with Caleb and Joshua, I will also be with you.

May you never forget…again.

(No this is not my foot...but maybe it should be)

Wasted Time

One of my biggest problems is time management. I am constantly caught wasting time and it was completely unintentional. Even more frustrating is my inability to manage my time effectively prevents me from those free moments in the day where “wasting time” is allowable. Seem confusing? Picture this. I am waiting on the fantastic meal to emerge from the oven, and instead of changing out the dishes or laundry, I turn to scrolling through social media to get the scoop on everyone’s latest and greatest. So when dinner is over and the cleanup overwhelms me and it is time to put the kids to bed and I have wet clothes to put in the dryer that will be wrinkled because I will fall asleep before the dryer stops, I feel like I am drowning. Whose fault? Mine. All because I was afraid I was going to miss out on something that could wait or really did not even need to involve me.

This neglectful behavior becomes habitual and just like any habit, it eventually becomes harmful. I repeat this same mistake throughout the day and 10 minutes lost here plus 5 minutes lost there adds up. Even as I type this, I look around my living room and spot 3 stacks of books that are not ornate. They are in need of being put away. Why didn’t I do it immediately? They were taken out to share with my women’s group for visual references, but then the domino effect of the rest of the day transpired with other obligations and I never got back around to it. You know that avalanche - start dinner, water the flowers, do the laundry, bathe the dog (and children), make lunches for school tomorrow, work on budget and bills, and so on and so on. The books STILL SIT there taunting me reminding me that if I would just use my time on Instagram today walking across the room from desk to bookshelf, I would have just a tiny bit less anxiety.

I know that many of you experience similar conundrums, but I feel like I am the princess of procrastination. And here is the biggie, it is a sin. Did you know that? When I sit down and wrap my brain around that, it makes me aware of how much more important it is for me to get myself into gear and make better use of my time.

The Bible is very clear about God’s view of idle behavior - it leads to trouble. In Paul’s letter to Timothy, he reminds the church that those who are left idle become busybodies (his words, not mine) and are involved in business they ought not be involved.

Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to. 1 Timothy 5:13

This is not to say that involving yourself in the lives of others is a sin through social media. However, are you using your time to honor God by maintaining a stress free status as you stay informed on the paint color of your high school classmate’s new guest bedroom, or are you using your time for His glory and honor to accomplish the tasks at hand presented to you with the many responsibilities of every day life prioritized accordingly?

In Ecclesiates 11:6 we read, “Sow your seed in the morning, and at evening let your hands not be idle, for you do not know which will succeed, whether this or that, or whether both will do equally well.” You will not know immediately as to whether your investment in “wasted time” is fruitful. You will know very quickly if the day becomes so overwhelming that exhaustion robs you of joy and you struggle to see if you actually sowed anything. God walks with you to give you clarity of direction and energy to invest. Let us not be idle, but work in such a way that when free time arrives, it is actually ours for the taking.

Thank You Audrey Assad

You could have come like a mighty storm, with all the strength of a hurricane. You could have come like a forest fire, with the power of Heaven in your flame. But you came like a winter snow, quiet, soft and slow, falling from the sky in the night to the Earth below! You could have come like a tidal wave, or an ocean to ravish our hearts. You could have come through like a roaring flood to wipe away the things we scarred. But you came like a winter snow, quiet soft, and slow, falling from the sky in the night to the Earth below. Your voice wasn’t in a bush burning, your voice wasn’t in a rushing wind. It was still. It was small. It was hidden.

“Winter Snow” by Audrey Assad

Purposed perspective seems to be my current running theme. This is one of my favorite Christmas songs as it so perfectly encapsulates what God did for us through the gift of His son. As a teacher, I am blessed with an opportunity to teach various religions. For some, that makes them very uncomfortable, but for me, it is a privilege. You see, many of my students are familiar with the story of Christ simply because we live in a culture that exposes the greatest story ever told annually in conjunction with the greatest sin that is battled - greed. Yet, as I get to tell them about religions, I get to explain why some religions struggle to understand Jesus as the Messiah that Christians herald Him to be. The Savior of the world, THE WORLD, should have come like a mighty storm, with all the strength of the of a Hurricane. The Great Redeemer of the Human Race should have come like an all consuming forest fire. The Lord of all Creation should have overtaken the world like a tidal wave. But He didn’t. He came in quietly, in the still of the night to a common carpenter and his wife, in a cave shared by livestock. So the world struggles with that as we celebrate people who make big, flashy and even eccentric entrances. Why wouldn’t God make the same style of entrance?

Because that is not His MO. He is a God, the God, my God capable of orchestrating all of the other elements of nature above. I mean really, He has flooded the entire Earth before. However, He want us to LISTEN and to TRUST. He is attentive to detail and His methods are intended to align with our actions. He designed us a certain way to respond with our emotions and our spirits to certain colors and certain sounds. I see this in His created beings every day. We take pause at the quiet falling snow that we cannot hear, but yet we can see. Not only do we see the gentle gliding flakes, we see the piles of PURE and DELICATE and flawless white powder on the ground. We respond to that with AWE even though it isn’t like a torrential downpour forcing us to the attentive. It is mesmerizing. Sometimes He guide us to His picture, His work for the kingdom, His glory by gentle nudges that feel as subtle as a snowflake landing on our nose. It gives Him greater joy and more surmountable honor when we move by the touch of His hand and not a shove.

The color of the snow is no accident. White is pure. White is innocent. White is flawless. White is breathtaking. My lazy spirit grumbles almost daily at my white kitchen counters that I did not get to choose as they are a beacon of light for all crumbs and stains seeking a home. But that is just it, their white color gives me a greater awareness of the filth and the danger that can be on my counter which could contaminate other meals I am prepping or other projects I am working on. When I look at the freshly falling snow, my heart cries out for all to stay still and remain indoors and just gawk with me at the wonderment. For I know, as soon as my neighbor cannot stand it anymore, his tires will tread upon the smooth cloud of ice crystals on our street and mar the artwork of which I have found captivating. I know that my children will awaken soon and find their sleds and place their sweet little feet in snow boots and trudge through the yard in great efforts to make a man out of this fallen malleable substance. Then, even though they are precious, the artwork of which I have been breathing in is now changed forever. The leaves and dirt that are underneath will be mixed into the snow as they roll their spheres and the perfection will reveal imperfection.

So it is but for a moment that I get to enjoy His clarity and His words and His vision. But it is a moment that I cherish and I am also reminded by His speaking even now that this moment is not meant to be long. If it were than I would fall into a place of complacency and idleness. This moment is brief enough for me to be still and to listen and to trust. After that, take the words I have heard and the things that I have seen and press on in my endeavors to bring honor and glory to His kingdom. I am to see the tiny fingers of which I am blessed to nurture and create for them a generous cup of hot cocoa. I am to go out and help them construct their masterpiece so that all the world will see their creativity and they will have courage to make another and another and another and one day, they too will be listening in the quiet of the morning and see the canvas just the same.

Fingernails

My fingernails won’t grow. They won’t. I have had random spells in my life where they decided to sprout with some strength, but consistently, I am a short stubby finger nail girl. Does it bother me? Sometimes. To be honest, I don’t really know who put that image into my mind - society, or just women in my life - but the delicate hand of a woman finished off with beautifully manicured nails are the image of perfection. Weird, right? There are those of you with normal fingernails right now questioning why in the world you are reading this and who cares. Here’s why.

You see, my fingernails are just one of the imperfections about me that I choose to notice or not notice, to obsess over or not obsess over, on a daily basis. There are many more flaws on this created being than just my nails. How about the fact that I drink 3+ liters of water a day and my hands are still dry? How about the fact that my pinky toe sits on my foot sideways? (Luckily, it isn’t flip flop weather so you all can’t stare at it until summer) How about my metabolism must be assisted with diet and exercise and vitamins unlike some of my friends who can eat a gallon of Blue Bell and not check up? And the list goes on and on; however, I refrain from divulging more; not so you won’t know what I can obsess over sometimes, but so you won't stare at those things that make me self-conscious.

Yet, I was reminded this morning, that my imperfections are not imperfections at all. They are part of a design that is a masterpiece. We know that the Bible speaks often about the truth concerning our creation and that we are made in the image of our great God. However, my God is far from imperfect, so how am I made in His image? We are a representation of Him. That is what it means to be made in the image of something.

Think about it. When we see a model of something, we look very hard to see where the model is not true to the real image. Even the models of planes and trains cannot be perfectly accurate. There are working parts that go unseen and cannot be included in the model. It is near impossible to get the same amount of punctuations of screws and bolts as the original. Nevertheless, there are many out there that are pretty close to being exact replicas. And when we see those, we are mesmerized and paralyzed with curiosity.

Your imperfections are purposed. Pause and let the frustration you have towards that statement seep out of your ears through the steam. He created you in His image, make no mistake and longs for you to be a model that people have to study with great detail to find the imperfection. His designs are conversational pieces - ALL of them. How you choose to view this design choice (not flaw) is pivotal in how you choose to view your value and your worth! How you choose to view His craftsmanship will determine your effectiveness for the true reason for being here.

My fingernails not growing normally are an asset. They are great conversation starters. I can join into a chat with a group of moms about nails and share my “unfortunate” case and then connect and develop relationships that can lead to effective ministry. When I get my nails manicured to cover up their imperfection, it is still a conversation springboard. I get compliments from strangers that open the door for communication and connection with other people created in God’s image that desperately need reassurance that they, too, matter to the Creator.

How are you using your imperfection? Maybe your imperfection is not a physical difference that can be seen. Maybe your imperfection is internal. Do you have a debilitating disease? There are people needing to know you are among those that battle this imperfection and will see you as HOPE in their feeling of hopelessness. Do you have an addiction? There are people struggling with addictions to so many things and they need to know that there are others out there who are struggling with this mental and emotional disorder that can give them HOPE.

In the 43 chapter of the book of Isaiah, the Lord speaks and this is what it says.

But now, this is what the LORD says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. 4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. 5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. 6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” 8 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind, who have ears but are deaf.

The book of Isaiah is one that I choose to read through every year because it makes me weepy and aware of how BIG God is. Here is what I want you to chew on for today. In verse 1, the Lord reminds us that HE CREATED YOU, HE FORMED YOU, and he reassures the nation of Israel as well as us that He has redeemed us, called us by name, and WE ARE HIS. You belong to someone! You are not alone. Just in case you didn’t get that, he more deeply comforts us in v. 2 by stating that as we go through troublesome times, HE IS WITH US. The rest of this passage is full of this great comfort and is often quoted to people in time of need.

Yet, here is the part I want you to take hold of with both hands today. In v. 7 He subtly, yet purposely reminds us that we are not only formed by Him, but we are formed FOR Him - for His glory. That is why you are here with your sideways toe. USE IT!

VERSE 8 - LEAD OUT THOSE WHO HAVE EYES BUT ARE BLIND, WHO HAVE EARS BUT ARE DEAF.

Are you using your impediment to hinder the glory of God or to increase His fame? Are you using your self-image to bring awareness to the artist or to hide his craftsmanship? Are you using your struggle to redirect others to the one who gives you strength or to continue them down a path of destruction?

Identify your blind and LEAD.

Restlessness

Restlessness has been a battle I have had for YEARS now. I sleep, but apparently I do not rest. And I can add HOURS to my sleep and still yawn all day long. There have been many different approaches I have taken to this problem. Perhaps my balance of hours was off. So try going to be earlier. Yeah, didn’t really help. Perhaps I am not engaging in true REM sleep. So let’s try all the natural remedies and medical remedies. I tried sleep medication first. Let me pause and tell ya, friend, that was one hilarious week of experimentation. I slept, but I also was a hallucinogenic nightmare for my husband. The night I kept telling him there were people under the bed with scissors planning to kill us was probably the last night I attempted to take that happy medicine. He didn’t sleep at all that night. It wasn’t because he was afraid of the scissor killers. He was afraid of me.

So some other remedies were tried. Herbal tea, which my friend affectionately called “sleepy time tea” was added to my evening routine. It did help me fall asleep, but I still woke exhausted. Cut down caffeine intake. People, for like 4 years of my life, I stopped by the local Exxon and bought a 32 oz Diet Coke every day to get me through the day. That is a lot of sugar and caffeine, but my bargainista friends would understand. It was only $.68!!! How could I afford not to? Regardless, I have not been engaging in the Diet Coke practice for about 8 years. I actually drink no coffee during the summer and drink about 3 liters, that’s right - LITERS, of water a day. I run 2-3 miles a day 4-6 days a week.

So what now? I want to do the non-electronic/tv thing and just read myself to sleep like my kids, but there is a hinderance in that plan that you will just have to figure out yourself. Let’s just say I’m not the only one attempting to fall asleep in the same room. I toss and turn all night. My mind doesn’t shut down. I’m too young for this. Don’t you dare say otherwise.

Just recently, I read an article posted by one of my well respected bloggers discussing how our mindset is not exactly how we think it is. This was perplexing for my little brain. Let me preface my little brain set up before I expound on her revelation. I’m a worrier/planner/overplanner/regretter/overcommitted wife/mom/friend/teacher/daughter/sister/daughter-in-law/sister-in-law/niece/aunt/granddaughter/writer/event organizer/woman. I once had a beautiful lady at a previous church give me a small, but prominent cast iron skillet. It hangs on the wall in my kitchen to this day to remind me to take some irons out of the fire. So my prayers to God for a large portion of the past few months of exhaustion have been that the Lord would help me accomplish all of these tasks and to give me energy to do them with excellence.

I spend time wondering how I could do things better. I spend time analyzing and rethinking decisions. I spend time praying over little things that most people can just hand to God and walk away. I have regrets and absence of forgiveness of SELF. Is this you? Is your plate full because you are trying to do something/everything perfect? I bet you are expecting her post to be a great challenge to drop some stuff and resolve to just be confident in the things you do well. Nope. I told you, it changed me.

She explained how we spend a great deal of our time planning and overplaying and because our mind is a constant running to do list, part of that list is because we have not forgiven ourself for some failure that has caused us to add to the list. WHAT? As I chewed on that, I chewed until my teeth hurt. This is so true. You see, many of the choices we make in our lives are reflections of a desire to be good at something. A desire to be a success. A desire to be recognized. A desire to be accepted. The first person that we must be accepted by in order to begin feeling fulfilled is Christ. But here’s the actual kicker, especially if you are a follower of Christ and already knew that previous sentence as truth. The second person that we must be accepted by in order to begin to feel like a success is ourself. Until you forgive yourself and accept that you are a fallible and sinful created being that is loved regardless, you cannot REST. I am restless because I am not satisfied. I am restless because I haven’t forgiven myself for past failures that my God HAS NOT ONLY FORGIVEN ME FOR, HE HAS FORGOTTEN. I am restless because I am planning perfection instead of simply letting His plan of perfection unfold. I am restless because I am fearful I will miss hearing His still small voice, when all I need to do is just do what I am called to do as the Bible instructs me as a wife/mom/friend/teacher…and I will hear Him so clearly.

It’s OK to not be OK. Through Him, I will be.

When You're Hot, You're Hot

Mine as well accept it. When your hot, your hot? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah…nah, nah, nah, nah, nah! My definition of hot and your definition of hot may differ slightly. You see, our family is in the process of writing one amazing story. Yet, I have been under some type of allusion for the past 5-10 years closure was on the horizon. I have had a desire to compile all of our life experiences into one collection, but for some reason, I have hesitated. Today, I think i have had an epiphany of the rationale for why I have not written any of it to a book form yet.

I was waiting.

Yep, that’s the truth. I was waiting for a lull in the chaos that would be indicative of the closing of the book so that I could write beginning to end. There is where the foolishness sneaks into the picture. It is never over. Most of you have already come to that great awareness in your life, but I guess I am little more hard headed. IT IS NOT OVER UNTIL IT’S OVER.

The story is constantly in script revisions and is being added onto. Your story, too. Right now, the Powells are living through at least Volume 5 or 6 of the story of our life. So with that awareness I must also confess that recent events in our story are what caused me to see that the lull will never be long enough. You must simply take the moments and capture them, trusting that the true author is writing a best seller.

Why? Because God wants glory. Because God wants to use our family to make Him famous. Because God wants others to know what He does and will do. Because God is God and I am not. That is why I say we are hot. Not because we are cover model worthy, well maybe my hunky husband. We are constantly under the Refiner’s fire. Every once in a while, we come out of the fire to see what parts of our lives are still in need of improvement and then back into the fire we go.

So where does that bring comfort when things seem disastrous or at least challenging? God has never let me down. When I am under fire, He is holding me. He provides for me necessities even greater than the basics (food, water, shelter). He provides me with access to medical wisdom. He provides for me relationships with people to help me or to comfort me or to inform me. He has given me rest when I will take it. And if you truly look back over challenges and storms in your life, you will see how He has provided for you.

Thus far, I have been able to have the joy of looking back over events in our life and see God’s providence, deliverance, and sovereignty. The chapters that have already been written are precious and vital, but they are not the end. If we are to continue to live for the Lord, than we will continue to experience persecution and strife. Our world is changing in morals and ethics every day. We also have to combine the external change with the every day challenges of raising children, paying bills, managing a home, and maintaining healthy relationships. We are turning the page. I pray this chapter brings honor to His name and look forward to seeing His provisions along the way.

Valuable

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Every night I pray that I find rest so that I can awaken the next morning refreshed and ready to attack the day with the same vigor and intensity that I did just a few years before. Every night, I pray the Lord will allow me to rest my mind of the running to-do lists that robs me of true REM sleep. Every night, I try different methods of sleep encouraging processes that are meant to allow me genuine rest. It works, 1/10 times. So yep, I’m pretty tired. I’m a zombie 6/7 days a week. The great energy that sprung me from the bed has gone to the wind.

Am I old? I refuse to believe it! Am I doing too much? Maybe, but no more than I have done ALL MY LIFE. Am I lost? Yes. That is what I feel mostly. Lost in my priorities. Lost in my extensive to-do list. Lost in my second guessing. Lost in my responsibilities and obligations. Lost in my regrets. Lost in my what-ifs. Lost in my desires. Lost in my dreams. Lost in my forgetfulness. Lost in my fears. Lost.

If I were to even begin a book, which I hope to do someday soon, I believe I would have to start here. Where is ground zero for you? I don’t fit the mold of a person who has reached the pit of despair. People who are in a state of confusion tend to have met any of the following criteria. A transition in life in age or a transition from a relationship or a transition from career or a transition due to loss or addition to their life. None of these align with me 100%.

True, I have recently moved, but it was a change of complete peace as the Lord confirmed this move OVER and OVER AGAIN. I have recently established new relationships, but at the same time there are plenty of former relationships well-established. I have changed jobs, but not careers, and am working in one of the best environments I have ever experienced. I have even contemplated numerous times as to whether or not it was time for me to entertain the wonder of mid-life crisis early (yes, early). It happens. But, I’m not there.

God is definitely listening to me. I don’t doubt that. But that wonderful word “patience” is something that I struggle with. Like fast food and microwaves, I like the instant answer. God knows this and finds delight in teaching me that my time is not my own. So I have been in a struggle deciphering where He really wants me to apply my time and energy at this place in my life. I know He wants me to do everything I do for His glory and honor. I know that I am to use my life to bring others to an awareness and possibly a relationship with Him. I know that I am to speak with kindness and speak with joy and to speak with mercy. But how? When? Where?

Then I even begin the self-doubt game in which Satan has such great joy. I can’t do that! I’m not aware of the appropriate outlets. I am not connected with the appropriate connections. I am not blessed with the appropriate time. Satan whispers doubts into my mind in order to rob me of being effective for God. I hate that I let him affect me at all. Here is how it plays out in my mind.

I get an idea, then I spend months trying to decide if the idea is my idea or inspired from God. Here we are back to the robbing of sleep. Do you do that?

Yesterday, I had the blessing to read through a devotion written by Sharon Jaynes. She elaborated on a list of identities we can claim through Christ. I believe that God is many things to us. I believe God is everything to us, but sometimes to expand on exactly what everything is makes all the difference. One of the identities that she reminded me of was that I am valuable to God. The same God that provides proper nourishment to the insanely annoying barn swallow is the same God that provides for my needs. And because I matter to God, He is in the midst of my despair. He will provide me the answer that I need, when it is time. His time. In the “meantime”, I can find peace in knowing that I am so valuable to him that He is working to make all things good as I am working to serve and follow him.

My job – do what I do now with all my energy and gusto for the glory of God. My job – maintain communication with my Heavenly Father about my concerns and my petitions. My job – recognizing that communication goes both ways and that He is speaking to me as well, so stop and LISTEN. My job - TRUST HIM and allow my faith to overcome my fear. My job – love others as He does as He allows me opportunities to cross paths with them. My job – wait patiently AND go bravely when he does call. More on that bravery thing later.

Know that you are valuable and He is listening. Ask him to show you he is listening. He will. I promise.

Impress Me

For decades now, we have had the luxury of receiving notice of important information through improved technological achievement. Our eyes were opened to invasions, conflicts, empowerment, infliction of taxation and legislation. In earlier ages, news was privy to only those who had the blessing of being literate. Postings on town squares of current events or announcements were glanced upon. Those without literacy were dependent upon interpretation from those who would deem them worthy of their time. Ignorance cost many and so our nation vowed to render this tragedy by implementing a mandated education that, at first, would only be required and not monitored.

Problem solved, right? People become educated…literate. People can stay informed. All can be active and contributing members of society now. The end.

Unfortunately, there is another human trait that has yet to leave society. It dates back to millennia before. You see, we are a part of the theory that Darwin describes through survival of the fittest. Whether you ascribe to Darwin’s continual studies or not, there is validity in this statement. When we enter into this world, regardless of our settings, we are constantly and consistently presented with the challenge to be independent or dependent. One is hard. One is not. And unfortunately, regardless of which generation of concentrated civilization you observe, you have a conglomerate of people choosing one or the other…more often than not, choosing dependency.

Leaders are chosen to lead people so that they are entrusted to make decisions for the betterment of all mankind. Translation, mankind is dependent upon them to make decisions that will preserve their existence instead of taking on the battle to grow and thrive independently. Heroes are chosen to fight battles for others. Voices manipulate crowds by triggering the emotions that bring upon enthusiasm. And the written word, it is, by far, the most manipulative device.

Although we have provided an opportunity for education for all citizens free of charge, we have not surpassed the needs presented before literacy was a concern. We simply now have a population of people who can read and watch the news and trust that the material being presented to them is just, and fair, and accurate. So the education simply makes the citizen equipped to retain data, but to inquire is something that is almost impossible to develop.

In the Bible, people went from hailing this rumored Messiah and rolling out the red carpet for his entrance into their town to an angry and vicious mob thirsty for his destruction. Both the greeting at the beginning of the week that Jesus entered into Jerusalem and the attack upon the evening of his trial were charged from word of mouth. There was no back story written about the wise Jewish man who looked at the man that came into town days earlier and decided to research him more. There is no claim of some priest or self-proclaimed follower of Christ who stepped up and started to redirect the crowd with what they knew to be true. They went with the flow.

They still do today. People are accepting of ANYTHING. If it was on the news, than it must be true. If it was in the paper, it must be true. If it was announced on the radio, it must be true. This is what is true. The very people who are delivering the news to you are just as human as you are. The very people who are presenting you with the information they have acquired are secretly wired the same way. They will tell the story with a slant of their own. They can’t help it. History books are the same way. Do you really think the American Revolution is taught the same way in England as it is here? Do you?


In our recent days, we have learned of how easily a journalist can find themselves delivering falsified information. The better the story, the better the following. Think about it. The crowd that surrounded the crucifixion was larger than the crowd that greeted him with palm branches. This destruction of a celebrity brought out the Romans too. Everyone loves a good story told to them, but not everybody wants the hassle of actually researching – you know, using that free education for something more than reading regurgitated ideas and decisions.

I will not defend the recent actions of some of our friends in the media. I will simply ask you this question – why are you so surprised? They are humans who want to be accepted and popular. We model a pattern of how to achieve that status – IMPRESS ME. If you can’t, then I will listen to someone else. Lord knows, I will not try to decipher truth on my own. That’s someone else’s job.

When I watch the news, I watch it to gather information and then re-address it in my own methodology. Here is what you can believe from the news.

1. The United States owes more money than is in print.
2. The United States is the richest country in the world (despite the above fact).
3. The United States has a government full of humans who are seeking to IMPRESS ME so they can get my vote.
4. There will always be conflict in the Middle East. ALWAYS. Check your history.
5. The United States does not have as many “friends” around the globe as we once did.
6. Sports figures and Theatrical performers take precedence over humanitarians.
7. Disney owns EVERYTHING.
8. Everyone has a favorite.
9. Image is everything – good or bad.
10. Christianity is not politically correct.

Be careful what you believe and what you trust.

New Year New Me

New Year’s resolutions for me are usually just a statement that I make to participate in the cultural phenomenon. I get that there is always a plus to verbalize a goal for oneself. I get the idea that if you say something out loud, than you also open yourself up to some form of accountability as others are anticipating your accomplishment. I also get that a large percentage of us rarely accomplish the achievement of our goals. I admit, I made it farther last year in my goal than I had in many years gone by, but it still did not make it through the entire year.

As I am digesting all that has happened to us over the course of the past year, I know that the year before me will be all the more adventurous and surprising. So as I debated this deep and condescending self-awareness where we then promise some fictional accountability partner to strive towards improvements…often things we are incapable of achieving in the amount of time we deem measurable, I realized that creating a resolution would be setting myself up for failure. Do I commit to do exercise better? Do I commit to write more? Do I resolve to be a better parent? Do I surrender to my peanut butter addiction? No. This is not what it is about. If anything, I am in the throes of learning that my self-discipline is so much more than verbalizing a commitment. Resolutions should not be a decision you make because you looked in the mirror and just decided, ok this year I will work on my love handles. It shouldn’t be a situation where you treat January 1st like Fat Tuesday and smoke every last cigarette in your carton because you are going to quit tomorrow. There is something lost in this protocol…more than indulgence.

When you resolve to make a change in yourself, it should have a reason far more than just, well, it’s bad for you. We listen to society and determine what we need to fix and follow the flow. Here’s a thought. Maybe this year, you don’t need to focus on keeping up with Weight Watcher points? Think about it. Is the strained commitment to maintaining this promise you made to some imaginary New Year’s Fairy causing you to miss out on the bigger picture? Are you so consumed with trying to maintain this pledge that you are stressed and unable to be the person that God needs? We create this very noble ideal to improve ourselves only to spend way too much time and money that distracts us all the more.

Now, I am not saying that we should all go eat a box of ice cream sandwiches with a six pack and lay in front of the TV watching the same episodes of the Walking Dead for days on end. Got it? I am not promoting a lifestyle of excess freedom and indulging in the “deadly” sins. Far from it.

My year began with a new approach to self-improvement. I sought the Lord, to take my issues that are complicated and make them blessed. Does that seem weird? It should. As I said before, we take this monumental moment each year to reflect upon what we do not like about our life and about ourselves. This year is different. This year I have nixed the word resolution. This year I have taken this time in my predetermined cultural pause to reflect upon shortcomings and acknowledge the blessings that coincide with them.

Let me see if I can make it more like crystal and less like mud. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This year, my family of 4 and some change moved to a new city. This was difficult for us in many ways as we removed ourselves from the only home our youngest had ever known and we removed ourselves from family. We both left good jobs and a nice home along with dear friends. Yet, I will tell you that my heart never felt more peace and contentment. God took the relationships that were of great value to us and has strengthened them making the time when we are together no longer something we take for granted, but something that is anticipated with enormous joy and cherished as a blessing.

My husband has a chronic illness. Although I am not near in the same boat as he is in, I walk alongside him. Each battle he encounters is different and each one provides a new way to bring glory to God. When I sit and document all of the different challenges we have had with his illness just in the time that we have been married, I can recall a different person that has made a change in how they view the gift of life and the establishment of faith because of Jeremy’s witness. Jeremy has always prayed that the Lord would use his life to make God famous. He is doing just that.

My children teach me every day with their life encounters and create in me the very awareness that though parenting is hard, I have children to parent. When I struggle with a behavioral issue, yes for those of you who think my kids are grand, they have their moments of being toots, I have realized this new year that their behavioral issues are something that is a blessing. I have kids. There are many who do not and deeply desire to have them. When I encounter children who are behavioral problems and not being “parented,” my frustration rises as I am aware they are not aware of how to behave because there is an absence in their life. I am thankful for my two and am aware that they will one day be in charge of their own. I am modeling for them what to do and I am charged to do it well.

My battle with respect of self is an ongoing one as a female. However, this realization of vanity v. preservation came to me many years ago. Instead of committing to lose “x” pounds or to adjust this flab, it is my responsibility to ensure that my body is fit for the fight. In other words, I am thankful that my knees and hips and ankles still allow me to run for my exercise. After many years of sports, I should probably be experiencing more pain than I do and I count each day as a blessing in my routine. Yet, I know that if I am to maintain energy to work, to go, to serve, than I must be good to this temple of which I have been given. So my battle is a blessing. I run so I can serve.

What is your battle? What did you choose to surrender to the New Year’s Fairy? Maybe you can make your goal more reasonable by deciding the why is that you have a calling, not a societal compromise. See your blessings and not your curses. May today be a day of great resolve for you.

Imagine That...There Will Be Better Days

Last night we played board games as a family and I was in hog heaven. (How ‘bout that for colloquialism) Our girls got several great games for Christmas which created awareness in me at how few classic board games we did have. During the game, I found a mixture of emotions within our little family. There was angst from making decisions about what is the best strategy. There was celebration from victorious choices and frowns from rejection or disappointment of poor choices. Occasionally, I spotted slight glimpses of impatience, and you can determine where that emotion emanated. The inevitable distraction occurred when you sit down to focus on a game of strategy with 2 kiddos under the age of 10. There was cheerleading that subconsciously oozed out of me as my kids were learning new games and making decisions.

It was during a round of Apples to Apples that my dear husband pointed out a quality I possess that is to a level leaning to a fault and not a success. As each answer option was presented during Apples to Apples, I could justify the validity of the answer. I was cheering on my kids as they made valiant efforts to take risks and use their creativity. However, I was also finding the strength of each argument. I could formulate a rationale for each proposed answer in order to plead their cause for victory. This is a gift and my husband pointed it out. He grinned and noted that I could explain why each answer was sufficient.

You see, the grin was not because he saw me as a great cheerleader for my children. Don’t get me wrong. He hasn’t suggested my parenting was inadequate here with this grin. No, no. This grin was because of a subconscious struggle I have when presented with choices. This grin was in reference to my inability to take a standardized test without a panic attack. I am the kid that can explain to you why answers A, B, C, & D are all correct. And at that moment during the game, it clicked with him that I was doing just that with the answers presented by my family. This is the faulty side of this characteristic.

Yet, again, I see the positive of it, and once again demonstrating my ability to justify everything. This trait that I possess has grown over the years into a positive as I have been challenged in multiple ways to perceive life. Life happens. I can spend the precious limited time I have here worrying, stewing, lamenting, or plotting; OR I can spend these cherished moments making memories and acknowledging my blessings and treasures.

Like right now, as I type this, my house is quiet except for this ginormous creature living underneath it scratching and gnawing on possibly the subfloor. There are some that would find this as a hideous and somewhat terrifying circumstance. I am thankful. I am thankful that I have food in my pantry that lures in the beasts – big and small. I am thankful for a house that shelters me and screams to the other members of creation a haven from the storm. I am thankful for ears with which to hear the noises and the silence. I am thankful for eyes to allow me to see where they have been so that I can properly clean our home.

Now honestly, do not assume that I am some Snow White or Briar Rose skipping through the field and wood holding hands with a raccoon and rabbit. I do not want to share my house with creatures that should remain in the field from where they came. We are doing what we can to discourage them from taking up residency in our home. And truthfully, we find victory when we are able to successfully catch one of the smaller visitors and remove him from our home. Yet, they are here because they want what I have. Therefore, I must pause and realize I have something that others are in want of.

We have much. We do. We must stop and force ourselves to deny the rejection and fear to cripple us, but instead allow the grace, mercy, joy, and hope to overwhelm us. Do you stop and realize that in the midst of your chaos? Have you been able to see the small sliver of joy and or hope in the storm clouds you walk through? Has your mind been filled with a negative emotion that can be changed into positive energy when perspective is checked? Stay tuned. My next post will be a listing of the positives out of my storms for 2014. Imagine that…God is at work.

Is There Hope?

Our nation went through one of the greater phenomena of this era Tuesday – the complicated yet amazingly powerful voice of the vote. This right AND responsibility is taken for granted on so many levels. Never in our nation’s history have we ever had a voter turnout of 100%. Of course, why bother when there are dead people voting in North Carolina. They will vote for you, right? To be able to express your opinion on the choice of laws and of leaders is such a privilege. We have such a duty to maintain a respect of that privilege by actually exercising that right. Otherwise, I fear it will one day be taken away. You and I both know that there are fully functioning countries in this world that have citizens who are not allowed the same amount of power and voice in their government, and you and I both know that those citizens are not always unhappy with that set-up. When you have never had freedom of voice in such a powerful way, you do not comprehend the absence of it. When you have never tasted chocolate, you do not know what you are missing.

For quite some time now, we have been on the verge of a great collapse within our nation. We can blame the government all we want. Quite frankly, I do find myself throwing things across my living room because of the latest laws that are made and economic absurdities that are exemplified by our leaders that will devastate, if not cripple, the future of my children. There was a time when I saw in our leaders the desire to plan for a future for our country and to rise above adversity. There was a time where I found our nation to be something to be reckoned with in the development of our power and prestige. But the previous development in the heart of man has also quickly brought about the demise of our united body. Men who want power make promises to people in order to maintain the power. Individuals who want prestige create situations that bring about recognition. The desire to pursue excellence at the cost of popularity is long gone.

We cannot totally blame the politician though, my friend. For it is you and I that have placed these people in the seat of power and it is you and I that have exercised our freedom in voting to grant them permission to sit there. It is you and I that have allowed them to be re-elected without question or accountability. It is you and I that have excused their shortcomings so that they can continue to thrive on the power kick. We cannot complain about decisions they make when we have given them permission. Or have you? Did you vote? Did you make a decision? Did you research candidates and seek to find the one that will best serve in the position? When you hire someone for your job, you don’t just look at a list of applicants and choose the one with the best name or neatest hobbies. You research them through the interview process and through contacting references. Did you research your candidates before you played eenie-meenie?

I have been in a place of hopelessness for our deteriorating country. I see the sin and the shame and the selfish desires overcoming the whole and drowning out the pure and stifling the truth. I see people so wrapped up in their sin that they excuse the behavior of others so that they can resume their dabbling in the pool of temptation. There were some significant shifts in power Tuesday that are reflective of voters speaking out about their lack of satisfaction. This gave me hope. Understand me clearly, though. It was not the party shift that gave me hope. It was the people voicing their disgruntlement with previous leadership decisions that gave me hope. It was people stating they want their leaders to know that they are seeking to hold them accountable. That gave me hope, for I felt that Americans were beginning to excuse selfish ambition and deceit.

Will this be a change for the better? Only time will tell. Jeremiah clearly tells us in chapter 15 verse 19, “if you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me.” Our nation is far from a state of repentance. Yet, the creation of some type of awareness that they are at least paying attention is giving me hope. It is lighting the small flame of faith that had fizzled out in my soul. Now, it is the duty of those who are in service of the Lord at this time to exemplify what a restored life looks like and to lead by voice and action. Will it make an instant change? No. Will it push people to think? Yes. Never underestimate who is watching. You are always being watched by someone. Are you exhibiting qualities of a Christ-filled and God-fearing life or are you mediocre in your faith and choose not to exercise accountability to your fellow man? Be careful with your power. It is great and can change lives for the good or for the bad.

I Return

It occurred to me as I contemplated where to begin my writing again, there has been a gross void in my soul for the past few months as I have not been able to invest in such an activity. This is not to say that the activities of which I have been engaged are unimportant or not blessing me in great ways. Yet, it is an awareness once again, that if the Lord has given you a talent and you are not exercising such a gift, you will not be at peace. Let me preface the rest of this publication by stating I am aware that my writing is inadequate when compared to many who are among the successfully published, so know that I am not seeking accolades OR am I trying to be too big for my britches, as my momma would say. It is to say that I find my peace by bringing pen to paper (or key to screen) the revelations that God bestows upon me weekly, daily, hourly. I have kept silent for too long. I have missed grand opportunity to shout out his name from the rooftop. I have sinned. Yes, I admit it. I have sinned. To not do what He calls you to do because you are fearful OR because you are TOO BUSY (Jodi Powell) is a sin. Plain and simple.

So I write. I write to release the thoughts he has allowed me to capture and ponder. I write to release the burdens of which I carry for our world. I write to release the passions of my heart. I write to release the questions that I possess. I write.

These past few months have been a whirlwind of activity in my house. Through moving, changing jobs, changing accounts, starting new schools, starting new extracurricular activities, establishing new routines, purging and organizing, and maintaining a new schedule, I have found myself neglectful of many things. The time that I have is no different. Yes, my commute to work is more lengthy than my previous job, but the hours in my day are still 24. So what am I doing with those 24 that is preventing me from being whom he has called me to be? Oh, let me confess to you friend…worrying.

No longer will I let it rule over my soul. Can I shake it completely? Hmmm, only time will tell. I know that it is displeasing to He that has given me more than I could have ever imagined. So today, I begin again. Today, I start using a minute here and there for expansion of what He has called me to do. The topics in my head are causing me to have strain as they are so bountiful. Our national and global news alone beckons to be conversed.

Here I am. I stand with arms wide open. To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God. All that I have, I place into Your loving hands. There it is. That confession of trust in Him. Now, I need to just simply not take it back out of his hands. Oh that is for another post on another day!

I pray that you stand up today and realize a gift that you have been neglecting. I pray that today you find strength and courage to give it your energy once more. I pray today that you join me in shouting out His name from the rooftops. I am Yours, Oh God. I am Yours!