Valuable

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26

Every night I pray that I find rest so that I can awaken the next morning refreshed and ready to attack the day with the same vigor and intensity that I did just a few years before. Every night, I pray the Lord will allow me to rest my mind of the running to-do lists that robs me of true REM sleep. Every night, I try different methods of sleep encouraging processes that are meant to allow me genuine rest. It works, 1/10 times. So yep, I’m pretty tired. I’m a zombie 6/7 days a week. The great energy that sprung me from the bed has gone to the wind.

Am I old? I refuse to believe it! Am I doing too much? Maybe, but no more than I have done ALL MY LIFE. Am I lost? Yes. That is what I feel mostly. Lost in my priorities. Lost in my extensive to-do list. Lost in my second guessing. Lost in my responsibilities and obligations. Lost in my regrets. Lost in my what-ifs. Lost in my desires. Lost in my dreams. Lost in my forgetfulness. Lost in my fears. Lost.

If I were to even begin a book, which I hope to do someday soon, I believe I would have to start here. Where is ground zero for you? I don’t fit the mold of a person who has reached the pit of despair. People who are in a state of confusion tend to have met any of the following criteria. A transition in life in age or a transition from a relationship or a transition from career or a transition due to loss or addition to their life. None of these align with me 100%.

True, I have recently moved, but it was a change of complete peace as the Lord confirmed this move OVER and OVER AGAIN. I have recently established new relationships, but at the same time there are plenty of former relationships well-established. I have changed jobs, but not careers, and am working in one of the best environments I have ever experienced. I have even contemplated numerous times as to whether or not it was time for me to entertain the wonder of mid-life crisis early (yes, early). It happens. But, I’m not there.

God is definitely listening to me. I don’t doubt that. But that wonderful word “patience” is something that I struggle with. Like fast food and microwaves, I like the instant answer. God knows this and finds delight in teaching me that my time is not my own. So I have been in a struggle deciphering where He really wants me to apply my time and energy at this place in my life. I know He wants me to do everything I do for His glory and honor. I know that I am to use my life to bring others to an awareness and possibly a relationship with Him. I know that I am to speak with kindness and speak with joy and to speak with mercy. But how? When? Where?

Then I even begin the self-doubt game in which Satan has such great joy. I can’t do that! I’m not aware of the appropriate outlets. I am not connected with the appropriate connections. I am not blessed with the appropriate time. Satan whispers doubts into my mind in order to rob me of being effective for God. I hate that I let him affect me at all. Here is how it plays out in my mind.

I get an idea, then I spend months trying to decide if the idea is my idea or inspired from God. Here we are back to the robbing of sleep. Do you do that?

Yesterday, I had the blessing to read through a devotion written by Sharon Jaynes. She elaborated on a list of identities we can claim through Christ. I believe that God is many things to us. I believe God is everything to us, but sometimes to expand on exactly what everything is makes all the difference. One of the identities that she reminded me of was that I am valuable to God. The same God that provides proper nourishment to the insanely annoying barn swallow is the same God that provides for my needs. And because I matter to God, He is in the midst of my despair. He will provide me the answer that I need, when it is time. His time. In the “meantime”, I can find peace in knowing that I am so valuable to him that He is working to make all things good as I am working to serve and follow him.

My job – do what I do now with all my energy and gusto for the glory of God. My job – maintain communication with my Heavenly Father about my concerns and my petitions. My job – recognizing that communication goes both ways and that He is speaking to me as well, so stop and LISTEN. My job - TRUST HIM and allow my faith to overcome my fear. My job – love others as He does as He allows me opportunities to cross paths with them. My job – wait patiently AND go bravely when he does call. More on that bravery thing later.

Know that you are valuable and He is listening. Ask him to show you he is listening. He will. I promise.

Impress Me

For decades now, we have had the luxury of receiving notice of important information through improved technological achievement. Our eyes were opened to invasions, conflicts, empowerment, infliction of taxation and legislation. In earlier ages, news was privy to only those who had the blessing of being literate. Postings on town squares of current events or announcements were glanced upon. Those without literacy were dependent upon interpretation from those who would deem them worthy of their time. Ignorance cost many and so our nation vowed to render this tragedy by implementing a mandated education that, at first, would only be required and not monitored.

Problem solved, right? People become educated…literate. People can stay informed. All can be active and contributing members of society now. The end.

Unfortunately, there is another human trait that has yet to leave society. It dates back to millennia before. You see, we are a part of the theory that Darwin describes through survival of the fittest. Whether you ascribe to Darwin’s continual studies or not, there is validity in this statement. When we enter into this world, regardless of our settings, we are constantly and consistently presented with the challenge to be independent or dependent. One is hard. One is not. And unfortunately, regardless of which generation of concentrated civilization you observe, you have a conglomerate of people choosing one or the other…more often than not, choosing dependency.

Leaders are chosen to lead people so that they are entrusted to make decisions for the betterment of all mankind. Translation, mankind is dependent upon them to make decisions that will preserve their existence instead of taking on the battle to grow and thrive independently. Heroes are chosen to fight battles for others. Voices manipulate crowds by triggering the emotions that bring upon enthusiasm. And the written word, it is, by far, the most manipulative device.

Although we have provided an opportunity for education for all citizens free of charge, we have not surpassed the needs presented before literacy was a concern. We simply now have a population of people who can read and watch the news and trust that the material being presented to them is just, and fair, and accurate. So the education simply makes the citizen equipped to retain data, but to inquire is something that is almost impossible to develop.

In the Bible, people went from hailing this rumored Messiah and rolling out the red carpet for his entrance into their town to an angry and vicious mob thirsty for his destruction. Both the greeting at the beginning of the week that Jesus entered into Jerusalem and the attack upon the evening of his trial were charged from word of mouth. There was no back story written about the wise Jewish man who looked at the man that came into town days earlier and decided to research him more. There is no claim of some priest or self-proclaimed follower of Christ who stepped up and started to redirect the crowd with what they knew to be true. They went with the flow.

They still do today. People are accepting of ANYTHING. If it was on the news, than it must be true. If it was in the paper, it must be true. If it was announced on the radio, it must be true. This is what is true. The very people who are delivering the news to you are just as human as you are. The very people who are presenting you with the information they have acquired are secretly wired the same way. They will tell the story with a slant of their own. They can’t help it. History books are the same way. Do you really think the American Revolution is taught the same way in England as it is here? Do you?


In our recent days, we have learned of how easily a journalist can find themselves delivering falsified information. The better the story, the better the following. Think about it. The crowd that surrounded the crucifixion was larger than the crowd that greeted him with palm branches. This destruction of a celebrity brought out the Romans too. Everyone loves a good story told to them, but not everybody wants the hassle of actually researching – you know, using that free education for something more than reading regurgitated ideas and decisions.

I will not defend the recent actions of some of our friends in the media. I will simply ask you this question – why are you so surprised? They are humans who want to be accepted and popular. We model a pattern of how to achieve that status – IMPRESS ME. If you can’t, then I will listen to someone else. Lord knows, I will not try to decipher truth on my own. That’s someone else’s job.

When I watch the news, I watch it to gather information and then re-address it in my own methodology. Here is what you can believe from the news.

1. The United States owes more money than is in print.
2. The United States is the richest country in the world (despite the above fact).
3. The United States has a government full of humans who are seeking to IMPRESS ME so they can get my vote.
4. There will always be conflict in the Middle East. ALWAYS. Check your history.
5. The United States does not have as many “friends” around the globe as we once did.
6. Sports figures and Theatrical performers take precedence over humanitarians.
7. Disney owns EVERYTHING.
8. Everyone has a favorite.
9. Image is everything – good or bad.
10. Christianity is not politically correct.

Be careful what you believe and what you trust.

New Year New Me

New Year’s resolutions for me are usually just a statement that I make to participate in the cultural phenomenon. I get that there is always a plus to verbalize a goal for oneself. I get the idea that if you say something out loud, than you also open yourself up to some form of accountability as others are anticipating your accomplishment. I also get that a large percentage of us rarely accomplish the achievement of our goals. I admit, I made it farther last year in my goal than I had in many years gone by, but it still did not make it through the entire year.

As I am digesting all that has happened to us over the course of the past year, I know that the year before me will be all the more adventurous and surprising. So as I debated this deep and condescending self-awareness where we then promise some fictional accountability partner to strive towards improvements…often things we are incapable of achieving in the amount of time we deem measurable, I realized that creating a resolution would be setting myself up for failure. Do I commit to do exercise better? Do I commit to write more? Do I resolve to be a better parent? Do I surrender to my peanut butter addiction? No. This is not what it is about. If anything, I am in the throes of learning that my self-discipline is so much more than verbalizing a commitment. Resolutions should not be a decision you make because you looked in the mirror and just decided, ok this year I will work on my love handles. It shouldn’t be a situation where you treat January 1st like Fat Tuesday and smoke every last cigarette in your carton because you are going to quit tomorrow. There is something lost in this protocol…more than indulgence.

When you resolve to make a change in yourself, it should have a reason far more than just, well, it’s bad for you. We listen to society and determine what we need to fix and follow the flow. Here’s a thought. Maybe this year, you don’t need to focus on keeping up with Weight Watcher points? Think about it. Is the strained commitment to maintaining this promise you made to some imaginary New Year’s Fairy causing you to miss out on the bigger picture? Are you so consumed with trying to maintain this pledge that you are stressed and unable to be the person that God needs? We create this very noble ideal to improve ourselves only to spend way too much time and money that distracts us all the more.

Now, I am not saying that we should all go eat a box of ice cream sandwiches with a six pack and lay in front of the TV watching the same episodes of the Walking Dead for days on end. Got it? I am not promoting a lifestyle of excess freedom and indulging in the “deadly” sins. Far from it.

My year began with a new approach to self-improvement. I sought the Lord, to take my issues that are complicated and make them blessed. Does that seem weird? It should. As I said before, we take this monumental moment each year to reflect upon what we do not like about our life and about ourselves. This year is different. This year I have nixed the word resolution. This year I have taken this time in my predetermined cultural pause to reflect upon shortcomings and acknowledge the blessings that coincide with them.

Let me see if I can make it more like crystal and less like mud. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. This year, my family of 4 and some change moved to a new city. This was difficult for us in many ways as we removed ourselves from the only home our youngest had ever known and we removed ourselves from family. We both left good jobs and a nice home along with dear friends. Yet, I will tell you that my heart never felt more peace and contentment. God took the relationships that were of great value to us and has strengthened them making the time when we are together no longer something we take for granted, but something that is anticipated with enormous joy and cherished as a blessing.

My husband has a chronic illness. Although I am not near in the same boat as he is in, I walk alongside him. Each battle he encounters is different and each one provides a new way to bring glory to God. When I sit and document all of the different challenges we have had with his illness just in the time that we have been married, I can recall a different person that has made a change in how they view the gift of life and the establishment of faith because of Jeremy’s witness. Jeremy has always prayed that the Lord would use his life to make God famous. He is doing just that.

My children teach me every day with their life encounters and create in me the very awareness that though parenting is hard, I have children to parent. When I struggle with a behavioral issue, yes for those of you who think my kids are grand, they have their moments of being toots, I have realized this new year that their behavioral issues are something that is a blessing. I have kids. There are many who do not and deeply desire to have them. When I encounter children who are behavioral problems and not being “parented,” my frustration rises as I am aware they are not aware of how to behave because there is an absence in their life. I am thankful for my two and am aware that they will one day be in charge of their own. I am modeling for them what to do and I am charged to do it well.

My battle with respect of self is an ongoing one as a female. However, this realization of vanity v. preservation came to me many years ago. Instead of committing to lose “x” pounds or to adjust this flab, it is my responsibility to ensure that my body is fit for the fight. In other words, I am thankful that my knees and hips and ankles still allow me to run for my exercise. After many years of sports, I should probably be experiencing more pain than I do and I count each day as a blessing in my routine. Yet, I know that if I am to maintain energy to work, to go, to serve, than I must be good to this temple of which I have been given. So my battle is a blessing. I run so I can serve.

What is your battle? What did you choose to surrender to the New Year’s Fairy? Maybe you can make your goal more reasonable by deciding the why is that you have a calling, not a societal compromise. See your blessings and not your curses. May today be a day of great resolve for you.

Imagine That...There Will Be Better Days

Last night we played board games as a family and I was in hog heaven. (How ‘bout that for colloquialism) Our girls got several great games for Christmas which created awareness in me at how few classic board games we did have. During the game, I found a mixture of emotions within our little family. There was angst from making decisions about what is the best strategy. There was celebration from victorious choices and frowns from rejection or disappointment of poor choices. Occasionally, I spotted slight glimpses of impatience, and you can determine where that emotion emanated. The inevitable distraction occurred when you sit down to focus on a game of strategy with 2 kiddos under the age of 10. There was cheerleading that subconsciously oozed out of me as my kids were learning new games and making decisions.

It was during a round of Apples to Apples that my dear husband pointed out a quality I possess that is to a level leaning to a fault and not a success. As each answer option was presented during Apples to Apples, I could justify the validity of the answer. I was cheering on my kids as they made valiant efforts to take risks and use their creativity. However, I was also finding the strength of each argument. I could formulate a rationale for each proposed answer in order to plead their cause for victory. This is a gift and my husband pointed it out. He grinned and noted that I could explain why each answer was sufficient.

You see, the grin was not because he saw me as a great cheerleader for my children. Don’t get me wrong. He hasn’t suggested my parenting was inadequate here with this grin. No, no. This grin was because of a subconscious struggle I have when presented with choices. This grin was in reference to my inability to take a standardized test without a panic attack. I am the kid that can explain to you why answers A, B, C, & D are all correct. And at that moment during the game, it clicked with him that I was doing just that with the answers presented by my family. This is the faulty side of this characteristic.

Yet, again, I see the positive of it, and once again demonstrating my ability to justify everything. This trait that I possess has grown over the years into a positive as I have been challenged in multiple ways to perceive life. Life happens. I can spend the precious limited time I have here worrying, stewing, lamenting, or plotting; OR I can spend these cherished moments making memories and acknowledging my blessings and treasures.

Like right now, as I type this, my house is quiet except for this ginormous creature living underneath it scratching and gnawing on possibly the subfloor. There are some that would find this as a hideous and somewhat terrifying circumstance. I am thankful. I am thankful that I have food in my pantry that lures in the beasts – big and small. I am thankful for a house that shelters me and screams to the other members of creation a haven from the storm. I am thankful for ears with which to hear the noises and the silence. I am thankful for eyes to allow me to see where they have been so that I can properly clean our home.

Now honestly, do not assume that I am some Snow White or Briar Rose skipping through the field and wood holding hands with a raccoon and rabbit. I do not want to share my house with creatures that should remain in the field from where they came. We are doing what we can to discourage them from taking up residency in our home. And truthfully, we find victory when we are able to successfully catch one of the smaller visitors and remove him from our home. Yet, they are here because they want what I have. Therefore, I must pause and realize I have something that others are in want of.

We have much. We do. We must stop and force ourselves to deny the rejection and fear to cripple us, but instead allow the grace, mercy, joy, and hope to overwhelm us. Do you stop and realize that in the midst of your chaos? Have you been able to see the small sliver of joy and or hope in the storm clouds you walk through? Has your mind been filled with a negative emotion that can be changed into positive energy when perspective is checked? Stay tuned. My next post will be a listing of the positives out of my storms for 2014. Imagine that…God is at work.

Is There Hope?

Our nation went through one of the greater phenomena of this era Tuesday – the complicated yet amazingly powerful voice of the vote. This right AND responsibility is taken for granted on so many levels. Never in our nation’s history have we ever had a voter turnout of 100%. Of course, why bother when there are dead people voting in North Carolina. They will vote for you, right? To be able to express your opinion on the choice of laws and of leaders is such a privilege. We have such a duty to maintain a respect of that privilege by actually exercising that right. Otherwise, I fear it will one day be taken away. You and I both know that there are fully functioning countries in this world that have citizens who are not allowed the same amount of power and voice in their government, and you and I both know that those citizens are not always unhappy with that set-up. When you have never had freedom of voice in such a powerful way, you do not comprehend the absence of it. When you have never tasted chocolate, you do not know what you are missing.

For quite some time now, we have been on the verge of a great collapse within our nation. We can blame the government all we want. Quite frankly, I do find myself throwing things across my living room because of the latest laws that are made and economic absurdities that are exemplified by our leaders that will devastate, if not cripple, the future of my children. There was a time when I saw in our leaders the desire to plan for a future for our country and to rise above adversity. There was a time where I found our nation to be something to be reckoned with in the development of our power and prestige. But the previous development in the heart of man has also quickly brought about the demise of our united body. Men who want power make promises to people in order to maintain the power. Individuals who want prestige create situations that bring about recognition. The desire to pursue excellence at the cost of popularity is long gone.

We cannot totally blame the politician though, my friend. For it is you and I that have placed these people in the seat of power and it is you and I that have exercised our freedom in voting to grant them permission to sit there. It is you and I that have allowed them to be re-elected without question or accountability. It is you and I that have excused their shortcomings so that they can continue to thrive on the power kick. We cannot complain about decisions they make when we have given them permission. Or have you? Did you vote? Did you make a decision? Did you research candidates and seek to find the one that will best serve in the position? When you hire someone for your job, you don’t just look at a list of applicants and choose the one with the best name or neatest hobbies. You research them through the interview process and through contacting references. Did you research your candidates before you played eenie-meenie?

I have been in a place of hopelessness for our deteriorating country. I see the sin and the shame and the selfish desires overcoming the whole and drowning out the pure and stifling the truth. I see people so wrapped up in their sin that they excuse the behavior of others so that they can resume their dabbling in the pool of temptation. There were some significant shifts in power Tuesday that are reflective of voters speaking out about their lack of satisfaction. This gave me hope. Understand me clearly, though. It was not the party shift that gave me hope. It was the people voicing their disgruntlement with previous leadership decisions that gave me hope. It was people stating they want their leaders to know that they are seeking to hold them accountable. That gave me hope, for I felt that Americans were beginning to excuse selfish ambition and deceit.

Will this be a change for the better? Only time will tell. Jeremiah clearly tells us in chapter 15 verse 19, “if you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me.” Our nation is far from a state of repentance. Yet, the creation of some type of awareness that they are at least paying attention is giving me hope. It is lighting the small flame of faith that had fizzled out in my soul. Now, it is the duty of those who are in service of the Lord at this time to exemplify what a restored life looks like and to lead by voice and action. Will it make an instant change? No. Will it push people to think? Yes. Never underestimate who is watching. You are always being watched by someone. Are you exhibiting qualities of a Christ-filled and God-fearing life or are you mediocre in your faith and choose not to exercise accountability to your fellow man? Be careful with your power. It is great and can change lives for the good or for the bad.

I Return

It occurred to me as I contemplated where to begin my writing again, there has been a gross void in my soul for the past few months as I have not been able to invest in such an activity. This is not to say that the activities of which I have been engaged are unimportant or not blessing me in great ways. Yet, it is an awareness once again, that if the Lord has given you a talent and you are not exercising such a gift, you will not be at peace. Let me preface the rest of this publication by stating I am aware that my writing is inadequate when compared to many who are among the successfully published, so know that I am not seeking accolades OR am I trying to be too big for my britches, as my momma would say. It is to say that I find my peace by bringing pen to paper (or key to screen) the revelations that God bestows upon me weekly, daily, hourly. I have kept silent for too long. I have missed grand opportunity to shout out his name from the rooftop. I have sinned. Yes, I admit it. I have sinned. To not do what He calls you to do because you are fearful OR because you are TOO BUSY (Jodi Powell) is a sin. Plain and simple.

So I write. I write to release the thoughts he has allowed me to capture and ponder. I write to release the burdens of which I carry for our world. I write to release the passions of my heart. I write to release the questions that I possess. I write.

These past few months have been a whirlwind of activity in my house. Through moving, changing jobs, changing accounts, starting new schools, starting new extracurricular activities, establishing new routines, purging and organizing, and maintaining a new schedule, I have found myself neglectful of many things. The time that I have is no different. Yes, my commute to work is more lengthy than my previous job, but the hours in my day are still 24. So what am I doing with those 24 that is preventing me from being whom he has called me to be? Oh, let me confess to you friend…worrying.

No longer will I let it rule over my soul. Can I shake it completely? Hmmm, only time will tell. I know that it is displeasing to He that has given me more than I could have ever imagined. So today, I begin again. Today, I start using a minute here and there for expansion of what He has called me to do. The topics in my head are causing me to have strain as they are so bountiful. Our national and global news alone beckons to be conversed.

Here I am. I stand with arms wide open. To the One, the Son, the Everlasting God. All that I have, I place into Your loving hands. There it is. That confession of trust in Him. Now, I need to just simply not take it back out of his hands. Oh that is for another post on another day!

I pray that you stand up today and realize a gift that you have been neglecting. I pray that today you find strength and courage to give it your energy once more. I pray today that you join me in shouting out His name from the rooftops. I am Yours, Oh God. I am Yours!

Vindication for the Bully

There have been times in my life where I have just been a hot mess. And I mean this in more ways than one. Sometimes the pile of yucky mascara smeared filth is totally because of poor choices I have made. Yet, truthfully, there are times when the pile of manure that I have been thrown in is actually been the affliction of others' poor choices. Now this is really hard for me to say, to vocalize - so I will write it instead. I am built to look at each situation and say, "what did I do wrong, Oh Lord? How could I have made this outcome different? Where did I make the wrong choice that brought about this calamity? How was I disobedient to your will?" And folks, I am no saint. I am probably one of the children of the Lord that is walking around with a very bent and tarnished halo. Got that image? My miry image may not be as bad as Pigpen in the Peanuts comics, but eh, just a notch or two above.

The book of Isaiah is full of rebuke and full of reminders of the children of Israel that they have made bad choices. It is full of reminders of who God is. It is FULL of reminders of His eternal promise. There are children of the children of the Israelites suffering from the decisions and choices of their descendants. They are suffering from affliction and persecution and abuse and just misery because of the actions of others. It happens. It happens with situations other than your ancestors choices. So don't sit there and immediately assume that all things bad that have happened to you is your grandfather's fault. Don't also assume that bad things that happen cannot be your fault. More often than not, they are bad choices on our part. However, there are times when we are the victim of circumstance.

For instance, do you think that the victim of a head-on collision caused by a drunk driver did something to provoke God to unleash His wrath in such a way? NO! Nor do we think that the child wandering around the bar at age 5 hopping from table to table asking for food or money because her father sits at the bar threatening horrible punishment upon her if she does not should be forces such embarrassment and punishment. There are countless predicaments that I find in the lives of friends and family that are challenging and sometimes tragic. With many of them, we find ourselves asking the question, "what could have happened to prevent such a situation?" Sometimes the answer is NOTHING.

Poor choices affect more people than the choice maker. They affect the children of the choice maker's acquaintances 20-30 years OR MORE later. Bullying. Yes, certain studies show that bullying is on the rise in America's youth, but this issue is deeper friends. There are many aspects and layers of this particular problem that must be evaluated before a remedy, cure, or solution can be presented. And much like many infections in today's society, there is not just one remedy prescribed.

Bullying is the result of insecurity. We know that. A person chooses to focus dominance over another person because they have a lack of confidence in self and a fear of losing power. Bullying often produces more bullying. Students who are the victims will either vindicate themselves upon other helpless victims or carry it into adulthood and behave in such a manner as a grown up. But let's go back to the insecurity. Something has caused a child to feel insecure, therefore provoking them to seek security in other measures. Is there an abusive parent? Is there a missing or absent parent? Is there an older sibling who bullies and is not disciplined by the parents? Is the child participating in an activity that gives them the opportunity to gain confidence? Is the child struggling in school and feels inferior in the classroom, so seeks superiority on the playground? Is the child being raised by someone other than their biological parent? Is the parent neglectful, placing career or pursuit of a partner or addiction ahead of the child? Is the parent enabling the behavior seeking to defend and protect instead of discipline and correct?

Then, you take it another step? Why is this behavior going on in the background of their life? Was their parent neglected? Was their parent abused? Was the parenting they are displaying what was modeled for them? Where did the error begin? Now, please understand. I know that there are some parents who give it their all and still have very challenging children. That is for another day. And again, not every prescription for a cure is the same. BUT, insert the very pivotal statement, I believe there is a cure. Sometimes it will take hard work, but it can be achieved.

Now here is where another parenting faux pas will come into play during the intermission. How are you raising your child to respond to bullying? You see, you experienced it too. Who wasn't the butt of a joke sometime in their childhood? Who wasn't made fun of for fashion choices or for who they associated with or for what their grades were (and yes, even "A" students are made fun of - nerd, geek, dork, brown-noser, brainiac). You witnessed people teased because of their lack of athleticism, their lack of name-brand clothes, their house they live in, their weird siblings, their more-popular siblings, their lack of certain possessions (car, etc.). Having nightmarish flashbacks? Yep, either you were a victim, a bully, or a sideline observer who should have intervened.

What? Intervene? Deep down, each one of us possesses the ability to decipher good and bad. I did not say we all possess the ability to just be good. IT IS A CHOICE. There comes a time in your development when your awareness of this becomes stronger. You have a choice to make regardless of upbringing, of past, of present. You have a choice to start listening to the urge that is pressing your heart. Rise up and defend the victim. Accept the bully and see their brokenness. Yikes! That's like hugging a cactus.

Even in adulthood, I find myself a victim of the choices of others and then within me arises this desire to see them "get what they deserve." Not the best choice, but I can tell you right now that I have felt that more times than once - MUCH more than once. This spirit of vindication swells up within my spirit and then causes sin. Wishing bad things to happen to people is not only mean, it is not healthy. If you spend all of your energy and time trying to right a wrong through vindictive means, than you are not using your time and energy for greater things to further the kingdom. God is the only one capable of judgement and justice. So instead of spending energy to create your version of fairness, petition God to bring His justice and fairness back to this world and to guide you in how you may help.

Model true love. Model true loyalty. Model self-discipline. Model self-respect. Model compassion and understanding. Model hope. Model joy in affliction. Model gratitude. Model endurance.

Be a doormat? NO. Just be cautious in how you respond to those seeking to inflict harm. Be aware when Satan is gaining control of your discernment and judgement. My heart has experienced some great sadness and disappointment, but my hope is in the Lord and I know that He is my redeemer. I know that He is my Savior. I know that He has plans for me to prosper. I will wait on Him and find peace. Not peace in knowing that this "bully" will get what is coming to them, but peace that God is going to deal with them as He sees fit. My ultimate hope is that God will create in them self-awareness so they will eventually cease the behavior they are exhibiting, and instead partner with other believers to further the kingdom.

Are you a bully? Be careful before you answer.

So It's Like This, Ya See

Are you a parent? If not, than have you ever had administrative authority over others? Taught a class? Led a program? Then you will understand what I am trying to say. I'm a history teacher, which entails teaching about culture and interaction of people. History is not just a list of events. It is a series of unique and amazing stories about people. Even when we are looking at the conflicts between countries, we are looking at the conflict between two groups organized by PEOPLE.

So back to the parent thing. You're a people, right? Good. Now that we have that mutual understanding, let's talk about typical human behavior. People covet. People are tempted. People are tested in work ethic. People are lustful. People are gluttonous. People are jealous. People are never satisfied. In the world of parenting, we are in the business of raising little people and let me tell ya, it is far greater in magnitude to embrace all of these challenges in such a confined capacity. For example, at our house jealousy is something that is a constant struggle for my littlest one. Everything that the oldest one does, says, receives, spends, eats, or whatever, the littlest wants the same.

Now, are there times in this battle that I have been fighting for over six years that I choose to not handle this error in thinking with proper parenting? Uh, yeah! There are probably more days than I want to admit. The extracurricular activities chosen by the girls are similar, but in my heart, I am not sure they should be. What they want for breakfast is the same, even though really it is not. Many a mornings the youngest will request cereal because the oldest has done so. And many a mornings I fuss at her because she doesn't finish the bowl and wastes food knowing that she was not going to actually eat it. I could have handled my reaction to her words differently, but I didn't. What should I have done? I should have gently reminded her before I even poured the bowl of cereal that she is not a fan of this dish and that there are many other tasty options that will satisfy her appetite more adequately. Instead, I just go with the flow and fix the bowl and soak it with milk, all the while knowing what will happen.

Are there times where you just choose to ignore behavior because you don't have time to parent? Or better yet, are their moments when you realize that a behavior has developed as a result of your neglect? Your child is acting a certain way because of an extended period of time of your preoccupied lifestyle or exhaustion? Yeah. Yuck! It makes you frustrated with yourself, doesn't it? And sometimes instead of going back and seeking to begin to discipline and guide your child into a correct behavior, you jerk them through a keyhole and exhibit your frustration with them through harsh words or actions.

OR OR OR

You continue to operate in a world of denial and shrug your shoulders in surrender.

Err go, the USA. You see, we are a group of people, you know those coveting jealous, lustful, gluttonous, and never satisfied group of people. We are very spoiled and well taken care of by our parents - the government. Don't you roll your eyes at me. Go SOMEWHERE, ANYWHERE else and observe the operation of people with their government in another location.

Our parents have let us stay up past bed time for way too long. Our parents have allowed us to eat just one more cookie, sometimes 3-4, after we didn't eat everything on our plate. Our parents have found exhaustion in repetitious discipline and holding to their word when they issue a warning; therefore, they have ignored disobedience. Our parents have been trying to be our friends instead of being our parents.

A good parent teaches the value of hard work and self-discipline. This means that a good parent would teach that I will give you a band aid to put on that wound, but that wound will heal. When that wound heals, a good parent will encourage their child to get back out on the field and play ball. Better yet, they will encourage them to play with the band aid on their knee so that the child may learn that even when things are challenging, they do possess the power to overcome the challenge and succeed. A good parent uses chores to teach their child that all are responsible for the well-being of the home and the well-being of their family. A good parent sees the coveting brewing in their child's eyes and begins to proactively redirect that energy and assist their child in awareness of how they are blessed with exactly what they have instead of constantly appeasing the jealous wishes...constantly giving in and letting them have their way.

Our nation is in a period of upbringing where the parents have ignored their responsibilities for too long and as a result, we are a nation of unruly children. We have to make laws and regulations in reaction instead of proactively. We are giving in to jealousy and whining instead of standing firm in the original discipline that we first established and tirelessly enforced. We are a dysfunctional home to say the least, but the efforts being made to keep the home secure and unified are far from beneficial.

For example, our immigration issue that is of constant bickering and opinion tossing is a great example of lazy parenting. For years we have let our borders become less and less secure, and therefore, the protocol by which we expect people to adhere to in order to gain establishment within our borders is ignored. We have MILLIONS of illegal immigrants, but that is another people issue I will touch on in a moment. Now, let me paint this picture to you back in parent mode. For years, we have been letting one child get away with not following the rules and have been ignoring it because we are too preoccupied with other matters (war with nations on the other side of the globe, a dysfunctional economy, LGBT agendas, healthcare, etc.) As we continue to ignore, the behavior continues to worsen. Children do this too. If they get candy out of the candy jar and you do not catch them, than they will do it again. If they get candy out of the candy jar, and you see them and SAY NOTHING, than you better believe they are going to do it again. Why wouldn't they? It's CANDY!

Don't forget our nation is completely made up of IMMIGRANTS. Not one family can claim that their ancestors did not come from somewhere else (aside from our Native Americans). So the children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren of the first few generations were required to adhere to certain rules and regulations in order to be a part of this family. The citizenship process has been respected and obeyed by many generations of immigrants that chose to come to this great land. In other words, there are children in our family who obeyed the rules and cleaned their plate and asked permission to get candy from the candy jar before they just took. They respected the parents... (DON'T MISS THIS) because their parents demanded it. Now we are in a place where there is an absence of fairness. The parents are not exhibiting the same expectations of the younger children. In fact, the younger children are not only getting CANDY for free, the parents are contemplating how they will allow them to continue to get CANDY for free and eventually "gently" move them into a placement in the family where they are doing chores and contributing to the whole. All of the grumblings being made are the children who are mad about this breaking of the rules with no punishment.

Ah, but check this out. These same complainers are also a part of some of the movements to make it less difficult for struggling students to make the grade (oh, another day). They are a part of the movements to create a raise in wages and treatment of workers for equality. They are a part of the movements to keep the parents from having too much control over their decisions in various aspects - money, healthcare, marriage, etc. We want the government to just manage, not micromanage - well some of us. I will tell you what I think the government should and shouldn't do another day. Meanwhile, have you ever looked at the requirements to becoming a citizen? They are extensive and complicated. I'm not gonna lie to you. I would look at them with despair and discouragement.

You know how your parents wanted you to keep your room clean and make your bed and all that junk. Did you have parents who reminded you daily or parents who reminded you only when it was time to go to a party? "You can go, after you clean your room and make your bed!" Yes, there are some of you that were model children and you only had to be told once to do this particular chore. Then there are those of you who probably have small rodents living under your bed from all the crap you crammed under there every Friday night. Personal rant - I COULDN'T CRAM STUFF UNDER MY BED BECAUSE I HAD A DAYBED WITH A TRUNDLE!!! Whose fault is that? MINE, because I asked for that kind of bed. When our parents are not reminding us daily of the rules, we, as those people creatures I described earlier, tend to see just how far we can go. Then our parents find great frustration with our lack of obedience and arrive at the challenges of having to go back to the foundation of the discipline and, let me tell ya, IT IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK. Because it is frustrating and hard, it sometimes brings out the wrong response and wrong emotion of the parent.

Now we have over 11 million non-citizens living in our country that we are trying to figure out what to do with as they have not followed the rules expected of the older children AND they are getting most, if not more, of the same perks that the other children are getting. Oh, and they are not contributing to the chore list (not paying taxes).

Perspective check - if you could get candy without getting in trouble, would you? DON'T YOU LIE. You would. Statistic check - the current minimum wage in the United States is $7.25/hour. THE AVERAGE DAILY INCOME OF THE REST OF THE WORLD IS $2.00/DAY. If you were looking at the possibility of making 3 1/2 times what you make in a day in the time constraint of 1 hour, wouldn't you try to go to that place as well? They come for the candy. You were just lucky to be born in the house where the candy is.

Now what? Well, I shall tell you only what I know. You have this new perspective to look at on how we have gotten to this great problem. Oh, and this is only ONE of the problems with our parenting that has been going on for the past century. Just like any adequate solution, we cannot just come up with a temporary fix. We have to go back to where the problem began and fix the break in communication, break in discipline. AND we have to be proactive for future issues THAT WILL come up. AND we have to decipher the most logical solution for those benefiting from the candy now. Any solution is going to be costly - VERY COSTLY, but unfortunately this is a cost that must be made. You can put off some things for only so long. How much longer will we put it off?

City Girl

I cannot say that I am a city girl. I cannot say that I have not spent a larger portion of my life amongst nonstop pavement, constant illumination, and mass-produced shopping potential. I cannot say that I am immune to deer in my yard. I cannot say that I do not know life with well-water. I cannot say that I have always enjoyed the luxury of high-speed internet or even cable TV.

Yet, as I have returned to an environment where we are back to the exact same set-up of my youth, quiet and distance from the chaos, I am finding myself a city-girl in ways that almost annoy me. Now some adjustments I am making quite well. For example, we have well water now as we did in our very first little home together when we got married so long ago. I must say, that well water is truly not that bad. It is hard water and therefore I had to remind myself that my hair needs some extra loving when it comes to conditioning. However, we are lucky in that it doesn’t taste bad and it has not changed the color of my whites, nor have we really experienced any problem with overuse. Our past experience has much to do with some of these appreciations. It is way not cool to run a well dry. It is also no fun to watch your whites turn a shade of yellow. For those of you that are city folk, well water is not filtered. It is as natural as it comes…straight out of the ground. To be more direct, it comes STRAIGHT out of the ground bringing whatever wonderful mineral or residue is found in its reservoir with it as it flows into your pipes. Both of my parents remember having orange clothes from the sulfur that was in their well water. Didn’t know you had that little perk to be thankful for did ya?

Now septic tanks, that’s another beast…literally. In fact, I guess it was probably our second house that we lived in in Texas before I realized that they did not have septic tanks in the city. City friends, this is the countryman’s sewer. They deserve a certain respect and care in their usage.

Field mice. Yep, a tad more frequent when you say, LIVE IN A FIELD. We had them all my life. As a child, I just knew where to not step in our home lest I get my toe broken from a baited trap. We even had them in my “city” apartment in Birmingham. Ok, really he was a rat. Oh that rat deserves another post all to himself. We had mice in our first house as a married couple and that, too, deserves its own post. There is nothing like the pungent odor of decaying animal. Yep, still get a whiff of it every now and then and am provoked to vomit just a little in my mouth. We are back to the country, and back to battling the little mice. They are just another pest like spiders and ants. It just is. Having to remind myself to remind guests of the traps and bait so their little ones will not encounter them.

We have less busy roads. We have fewer lights to allow us to see the stars. We have space between neighbors. We have exposure to more of nature. We have so much, but yet I find myself still letting my appreciation of these advantages wane.

Here is where the city girl is bothering me. When I was little, I would run through our pastures barefoot and have not a care in the world. This go around, I find myself becoming so irritated with bugs that it puts me in a mood of foulness. So ugly that I find myself repentant of the furrowed brow I carry. Bugs, I know God made you. I know that God has a purpose for your presence here on this earth. He is the almighty artist and designator of each intricate aspect of this world. But why red wasps, God? These are things that we will have a good talk about when I get there. Why sweat bees? Why wasps in general? Aren’t regular stinging bees and yellow jackets enough? And why mosquitos? Oh, my entire family – especially the girls – cry out to the Lord Most High, why is there a secret attacker in the yard that does nothing but take our blood and threaten to give us something named Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever? Just a few weeks ago, I counted a total of 50 – FIFTY!!!! – mosquito bites on my body alone. Is your brow starting to furrow too? I KNOW!

You see, what makes me finally smile after I repent of my carrying on about the existence of these nuisances, is that God is giggling at me. I know that God is watching as I am swatting at the air like a ninja warrior and these little bitty bugs are able to navigate away from my supposed coordination. How do they do that? How do they move so much faster and even know that my rolled up newspaper is coming? I think God tells them so they know to dart the other direction at just the right moment and then He laughs and laughs and laughs.

When I was little, I played through the mosquito bites; and yes, they were just as bad then. When I was little, I told my daddy there were wasps in my swing set and he sprayed them down with his magical poison and life goes on. When I was little, I found it a challenge and game to try to chase down the bug that was dodging me. Sometimes I would even catch them in a cup and torture them before killing them. Gasp! Yep. I was one of those kids. But I refused to let them deter me from missing out on all the other amazing things God had to reveal to me. I would go out at night and lie down on our driveway and look at the stars…all the while being nibbled by mosquitos. An hour or more before that, I was outside catching lightening bugs, right along with those mosquitos. They do not sleep. I would literally run through the field when it had high grass and let the grass fleas jump on me, but I was reenacting some great movie scene in my head of some hero and princess running to one another, so those bugs didn’t even faze me. I would come in at night and my mother would lay me on a towel and rub that ugly yet soothing pink lotion on all my bites with a Q-tip. I don’t know what is in that stuff, but it is so awesome.

What is wrong with me? I spend the majority of my day with 2 versions of little me and yet I cannot channel that inner little girl. I vow today to find that little girl again. This must change. If I can handle the well water management and the septic-tank respect, what are little bugs? As I write this, I find embarrassment in the admittance that I allow such creatures to take away my love of the outdoors. For when we do sit out on our porch during any hour of the day, I am lost in the beauty of it all. To watch the deer and the fawn quietly walk across the field. To listen to the frogs grow louder and louder with the oncoming darkness. To watch the birds hop around in the yard looking for food and supplies for their nest. I can’t miss that! Nor can I allow my kids to miss it before it’s too late. I don’t want them to be the unsure city girl. I want them to run with liberation knowing that they are strong enough to overcome and endure little things. The bigger things will come, and if they can’t handle little struggles, than big challenges will be crippling and destructive. I vow today to take my magical spray and make the wasps go away so we can play. I vow today to let the grass fleas bounce off of our citronella skin and the bumble bee to hover around the clover at our feet. I vow today to be OK with smelling like Off for the day so the mosquitos won’t give us some unbearable coating of bites. And if they do break through, than I will get the Q-tip and the pink lotion so we can all sleep through the night and be rested just enough to get out there and build our fort, swing on our swing, ride our bike, run to our beau, and conquer the world once more.

Do You Really Need to Know?

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

Let me rewrite it with proper emphasis so you can really get it.

Do you not KNOW? Have you not (already) HEARD? (Because, if I remember correctly, you have heard and you do know better.) The Lord is the EVERLASTING God, the CREATOR of the ends of the earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary, and his understanding NO ONE can fathom. (It is impossible for a created being to use the restricted knowledge of time and space that it is granted to begin to explain the Creator or the Creator’s master design.) He gives STRENGTH to the weary and INCREASES the power of the weak. Even YOUTHS grow tired and weary, and YOUNG men stumble and fall; but those who HOPE (wait) in the Lord will renew their STRENGTH. They will SOAR on wings like eagles; they will RUN and NOT grow weary, they will WALK and not be faint.”

Don’t you get it? God was Lord over all creation in the beginning, He is Lord over all creation NOW and He will still be on His throne long after we have stopped walking the surface of this created orbiting object. That is something that I feel that man has arrogantly tried to explain. This need to understand the actual beginning of the world, the beginning of the universe and to predict the conclusion of such is nothing more than a flexing of academic muscles that are injected with infection steroids of theoretical GUESSES. Now don’t get me wrong. I like to know things. I like to study things. I like to know the origin of things. I LOVE HISTORY. I know we are living someone else’s history even at this moment. Yet there are some things that we do not have to know – really. I know that a large percentage of the population just gasped. Why? Why would you not want to know?

Why do you need to know things to begin with? It is because the knowledge of all of the elements surrounding a situation gives us comfort. Think about it. It is why we ask the word, “why?” How much tension releases from your body when you have an answer to your why. To be able to come to a peace with the truth that His understanding is not for us to be able to fathom, that is the pinnacle of peace. However, we must also understand that once we arrive at that peace, all the answers of the world will not fall into our lap. The next step is arriving at trusting that even with things unknown, the EVERLASTING God is OUR God and will provide for us. He will strengthen us when we are weary. He will increase our power when we are weak. I think the emphasis on increases in that sentence is important, for God NEVER leaves us. In our weakest state, we still have power. We have Him. He simply increases our power in times of despair. We must trust though. If we try to strengthen ourselves with our own efforts, it will only cause greater fatigue and exhaustion.

The passage points out that even youth grow tired and trip up. It has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions the enormous amount of energy that my children have. All adults notice that at some point – the vast difference in energy between young and old. Isaiah is continuing to point out that even those with the greatest resolve will finally collapse. It is your choice as to whom you are going to collapse in the arms of.

Hope is defined as a wanting for something to happen or for something to be true. Isaiah says that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Too often our “hope” is found in man or creation of man. And that, my friend, is why so many of us find ourselves in a spirit of disappointment. Man cannot provide for us. Man cannot sustain us. Man cannot renew our strength. Man is our equal.

God can use man and manmade things to assist us in strengthening and running and soaring. Our awareness of that is crucial, though. You can do nothing outside of the power of your creator. Nothing. You are but a moment in time. You will have disappointment. You will have weakness. It is up to you to decide how to process and handle that. Do you trust that the Lord is Lord over all creation? Do you trust that the Lord wants to bless you and use you in mighty ways? Do you find your comfort in Him or in created things?

Our family seems to roller coaster through challenges and obstacles. I know that we are probably no different than really any other family, but I am aware that we are experiencing moments of weariness and moments of weakness in order to get a better grip on His hand (His wing) so that on the backside of this event we will soar. To soar takes on many different images. Make sure that you are not taking for granted your moments in the sky. Make sure that you see His hand moving. Impatience blurs the vision. Trusting in the world creates disappointment and despair.

Hope in the Lord for your strength will surprise you and your vision will become very clear. Once your vision is clear and your strength is renewed, get ready to walk, run and fly for the Lord will use you and move you and move mountains through you. Oh to be in a world full of hope again! I long for that day. Join me in this hope and the contagious spirit will spread.

Why We Go - Child #2

Emma Reagan Powell came into this world with complete unpredictable means. She was a month early and decided to scare us two times before making her vocal debut in Fort Worth, Texas. You may remember from previous posts, Jeremy and I were told that it was a strong possibility we would be unable to have children through natural means. We both have medical conditions that tend to provide complications with conception. So the very idea that God decided to grant us the honor to have a child of our own was extremely humbling. We were typical first-time parents and then some.

The evening of February 26th, Emma - still in my womb - stopped moving for hours. She had done this once before 2 weeks earlier and my doctor rushed to admit me only to find I was dehydrated so Emma was too. However, this put me on high alert for the remainder of the pregnancy. She was due March 17, so we were still not there yet. House was ready. All the goofy parenting classes had been attended including the one with the fake breast that is intended to teach nursing, but really is just an enormous temptation for all the men in the room to burst into contagious giggling. We even had our bags packed for the hospital, so unlike other Powell Pandelerium, we were as prepared as we could be.

So we called the doctor on call. Drink a coke, she says. If Emma does not respond to the caffeine, than I am to go in for observation. No response. We get to the hospital to find that we are going to have to induce. My body was no longer able to provide for her and she was beginning to enter into a stage of distress. Here is where we start getting the typical Powell predicament. After Pitocin and many hours of listening to that precious little heartbeat, she arrived delivered by her father. My doctor was amazing. She entrusted Jeremy to actually be the first person that our child encountered as she was so rudely exposed to the cold and bright new world.

Fast forward two years. I had to talk Jeremy into more than one child as I wanted a house full and he thought one was great. However, we decided Emma needed a sibling, so we began trying, but we were not telling anyone this time. When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, I hated the constant interrogation from people. It was the first thing out of their mouth. "So, are you pregnant yet?" I don't know about you, but that drove me crazy. We also had been reminded how lucky we were to actually be blessed with the child we had and to try for another could be disappointing. So we kept to ourselves. By keeping #2 a secret, it was a lot less stressful.

Let me set the scene for you in the Powell world at this point in time. My mother passed away to cancer in November of 2006. Jeremy was receiving IV medication through a PICC line that I was administering because of a fungal infection in his vertebrae. The infection was actually compromising his ability to walk, so he was a mess. We were 700+ miles away from the nearest family member. And as some of our family vocalized - "Why would you do that?" There were concerns about Jeremy's long term prognosis, so many were afraid I would be operating as a parent of 2 with little to no help. Most girls turn to Mom for help during pregnancy and child rearing advice. I didn't have that anymore. Luckily, I learned a lot from her in the 27 years God allowed me to have under her watch.

So, why? Because we both felt the Lord tell us. The Lord had plans for this second child. The Lord was going to use our lives to tell His story once more. The Lord wanted all to see who He IS and who He will be forever and ever as He continues to work MIRACLES in our life.

So we were obedient. The couple that shouldn't be able to conceive did so again. It was purposed. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant with a little one under foot while our house flooded - twice. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant as we began communicating with another church to further the ministry God was calling us to do. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant when He wanted to mesmerize the medical world by allowing Jeremy to survive 108' fever. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant as I waged a war with dark forces striking horror into my toddler and completely destroying my spirit as she cried and screamed genuine tears of fear. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant during a move of 800 miles. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant with Abigail Jo Powell who was not named completely until we laid eyes upon her that beautiful November afternoon.

My pregnancy with Abigail was easier in some ways and more difficult in others. I literally had Cabbage Patch feet because of swelling, but she was worth it. We had made a connection with a new doctor and she got wind that Jeremy had delivered Emma. So when it came time for Abigail to enter the world, she looked at Jeremy and said, "Scrub up. I can't have you telling one child that you were able to deliver her and not the other."

The look on my husband's face was priceless. Dr. Heaton is an amazing person and physician. Since that day where she assisted with the arrival of my second miracle, she has been nothing but an encouragement and blessing to me. I need to get permission to take an entire piece just to tout her amazing ability to connect with her patients and create an element of trust that is invaluable.

Abigail Jo was what I saw when I looked her in the eyes for the first time. She is every bit of the Southern belle with a double name. She is every bit of the stereotypical second child. She is every bit of the little sister. She has great determination and ambition. She loves music and has an incredible wit. There is an enormous heart still waiting to be fully developed as we get glimpses of it with each little relationship she forms. Every day, I am watching as God continues to mold and shape her into the special person that she is to be - that He will use for His glory. Get ready world, for Abbi Jo is going to come at you in a BIG way. We are sure of this.

Why #2? Because He said so. He has already used her creation and existance to tell His story in enormous ways with just 6 years into the adventure. She has already impacted quite a few people of all sizes and I know God is going to use her to change even more for His glory. She has definitely changed mine. Why do you have the number you have? I would be interested to hear. Make sure you are allowing them to write an amazing autobiography radiating their Creator.

Volume Down. Volume Up.

As a mom, I feel the great responsibility to be an informer to my children of the world. It is also built into the career choice given to me by my Creator. Educators feel the need to provide as much exposure to the world as possible, also. We want them to know how things work. We want them to know the origin of things. We want them to know of what things are composed. We want them to know what choices they have and what consequences are the result of certain choices. We want them to know that their opinion and their passion are a reflection of them, so an awareness of their inner thoughts being outwardly expressed is something to be treated with great discernment.

If you have any kind of relationship with anybody, they are learning from you. They are either learning what you think is best and utilizing that in their decision making OR they are learning that decisions you make are NOT what are best and they are utilizing that in their decision making. There are many things that we do or say out of impulse and lack of filtering in the moment that are impactful on observing eyes and ears. It always amazes me when students that I have taught quote me or tell another student how I will react and what my expectations are. It gives me that feeling of, “wow, they are listening.”

Then there are days like one I had just a few days ago. (Insert humble head bowed) My family loves music, all kinds of music. We listen to amazing worship songs and humorous country music tunes and yes, hip-shaking pop music. My daughters will sing along at the top of their lungs with some songs and as parents, we are trying to be careful about what they are singing along at the top of their lungs. We were in the car the other day singing and dancing in our seats – as good church girls do – when it came to a point in the song where I felt the need for parental advisory volume drop. You know what I am saying – loud cough. My girls are not easily distracted though. They are very observant – VERY OBSERVANT. It causes me to stretch my creativity when trying to answer questions that are difficult and to also divert their attention from things to which I feel they are not ready to be exposed.

So I turn down the volume for a split second as the radio industry has stopped using filters and will play songs with explicit lyrics at any time of day. Awesome, right? We all know that music of our generation was not really any better about what they portrayed in their lyrics, but at least the radio stations or producers would release clean versions of songs to reach another audience.

Volume down. Volume up.

“Mom, why did you do that?”

“Well, there are words in this song that are bad words and I don’t want to hear them, nor do I want you to hear them.”

“Mom, why are their bad words? And why do people use them if they know they are bad words?”
Great questions! Here is a chance for me to exercise one of those lessons of the origin of something and how we make decisions about freedom of choice in this particular element of character.

I explain briefly the history of bad words and how they came to be and I explain that certain artists think that in order to be successful they must have that edge of shock value. I also take time to explain that all people from time to time struggle and sometimes slip and that they may hear these words in their everyday life from people they know, but it doesn’t mean that they are to use them.

“Yeah, even you mess up sometimes too, Mom.”

Insert face of horror. Although I know I am far, FAR from perfect, I am now aware that I let my guard down at some point where little ears were impressionable. What have I said? When did I say it? How often have they heard me say whatever it is that I said?

“Like sometimes when you and Daddy argue, you say the ‘S” word.”

Again, I am now flushed to the point of sweating. When did I say that? Gee golly, I must have been super flustered and angry. Oh, I have some clean-up work to do. This is another one of those moments where it is super fun to have “preacher kids.” I will go ahead and apologize to all of you who have already listened to our home life from my daughters who do not mind letting you know we are among the most normal families in the world – we are dysfunction. We are a part of the fallen world and we too, make mistakes.

“Oh sweetie, I am so sorry that Mommy got so upset that I failed to use proper words to speak to Daddy. That is not right. Even when I am sad or mad or frustrated, it is important that I use words that will not cause harm or leave wounds and those kinds of words are very harmful. I am sorry that I set that kind of example for you. Please, forgive me. I will try to improve that character flaw.”

“Oh mom, it’s ok. You can’t help it. You were only trying to get Daddy to quit talking so he would listen to you.”

There it is. Although slightly still embarrassed, I am now at a great place of relief. I had not said my dreaded “S” word. I had said her dreaded “S” word. She was referring to the unkind and often frowned upon for our children phrase – Shut Up! So my heart is no longer just crushed that I had allowed something completely through the filter, but at the same time, I had said something that she viewed as harmful and ugly. And really, it is. And really, that is important for me to respect and to show self-control. However, in the heat of a discussion, you typically do not hear someone in kindergarten teacher voice calmly say, “Be quiet please.”

So am I super mom? Obviously not. Do I argue with my husband making me a not so perfect wife? Yep, guilty. I am far from super or perfect anything. But I am learning every day what NOT to do so that my kids can have a better chance of being a better person than myself. My kids are under a completely different bubble of pressure as they have not only Jeremy and me as parents hovering as a label over their heads, but they also have the stereotype of preacher kids to defy. I’m not going to paint a picture that is not real for you. We are struggling sinners saved by grace. I hope that lets you know you are not alone. I also pray that you are learning alongside us as we continue this adventure called life. Little (and big) ears and eyes are watching and listening. They will mimic you in a heartbeat as they believe you would never lead them astray. Don’t miss that. They are counting on you to get them to your level properly armed for battle. Every word you say and every move you make…they are watching. (You hear that 80s song by the Police, don’t you?)

God is capable of helping you filter. However, self-discipline is just that, SELF-discipline. Be on your guard and always be ready. I know I am in need of practice and sharpening the sword today. May your day be disciplined and blessed!

Never Thought About It That Way

As I have emerged into adulthood (because I like to think it was just recently – bwahahahahaha), I have had a perspective change on many things. We all do. Let me remind you of some of them.

1. When we are little children, we think our parents are genius and invincible. Then there is that awkward era of our lives called adolescence where we temporarily feel that we are the ones who are all knowing and invincible. As adulthood begins to settle into our being, we return back to the awareness that our parents are genius. However, there is a subtle understanding that though their intelligence is invaluable, their fragility is to be respected and protected with your strength.

2. Thrill rides are still so much fun, but watching my children enjoy things of this nature for the first time far exceeds the thrill the actual activity brings me. Do you remember your parents looking at you with that reflective grin? You do it now.

3. I now know that I do not hate to read. I hate to read something that I didn’t have the choice in reading. So that was my problem in school. Half of the great classics that I was forced to read for Honors English are so much more enjoyable NOW as I have chosen to take them off the shelf of my own free will and not because it was a make-or-break-the-grade decision. And now, I see even more the great life lessons that are illustrated in many of the classic pieces that I refused to see before as I just grumbled and huffed about the waste of time I thought they were. (Sorry Great English teachers!) I even named my first dog after marriage Scout because of To Kill a Mockingbird.

4. Vegetables are not good for you. Vegetables are necessary for you. I was that awful child who would sit at the table for an hour and not eat that which was on my plate. As I have advanced in my years, I have come to the realization that a well-balanced diet doesn’t just help me have a healthier life, it helps me just feel better all around. I’m trying to do better with my kiddos. I’m not perfect, but trying!

This list could go on and on for an entire book…and maybe it will one day…but the biggest change in perspective that I wanted to point out is the pulling back of the curtain. You see, I was a typical American child/teen/person. I spent quite a bit of time taking things for granted. I even still find myself wrapped up in a trust in things that are actually a luxury. And the other biggie is the unfortunate behavior that I have adopted as an American that the things that I have are expected and, dare I say it, deserved.

Not only am I to have a roof over my head, but that roof is to keep all the elements away, meaning it is not to leak or to have any weakness. Not only am I to have 4 walls to keep me protected, they are also to be insulated so that the temperature created by my electrically induced CENTRAL HEAT AND AIR UNIT will be regulated so that I am always comfortable. AND when I am slightly uncomfortable – you know those ever so often moments of chill or hot flash – I can simply press a button and adjust the atmosphere of my little (often large) habitat. Oh yeah, and more often than not, I have experienced the comfort of flooring that is conducive to my needs – hard floors that are easy to clean or soft floors that are cushy to my bare feet.

I have an automobile that has powered windows and seats. My car is a mobile NASA command center. It also has the luxury of climate control like my home, but it even goes to the extra luxury of allowing my guests in my car to adjust their climate to be different from me as the driver. My passenger and I can even quicken our warming process on a cold morning by allowing our seats to become heated without becoming engulfed in flames. My automobile will communicate with satellites outside and out-of-sight to assist me in navigation AND to give me an even larger assortment of listening enjoyment.

I will stop with those two to tell you that my perspective has not changed to be wowed by all of the luxuries, although I am easily wowed. My perspective has changed as time sometimes allows me to pause and realize it is not man who makes it all happen. You see, the man who created the assembly line (Henry Ford) was able to create such a revolutionary invention because the Creator allowed him the ability to envision such an innovation. Everything that has been created or advanced or introduced or improved has been done so by a being that was created by the ultimate Creator. God did not let Moses go into the Promise land and walk amongst this great beauty, but He did let him see it from afar. Think about how much God has allowed man to now walk amongst. It is mind boggling.

God allowed someone to see the wheat plant and make a decision to crush it into a powder…AND combine it with liquid…AND take this new mush dough and apply heat to it for a certain amount of time creating one of the greatest and oldest blessings to the human appetite – BREAD.

God allowed someone to take certain plants and animal material and WEAVE it into a durable creation that was then sewn (still using plant fiber) into a design that actually fit around the human body providing not only protection from the elements, but also levels of COMFORT and WARMTH. How many different weights of jackets do you have? Someone figured out which combinations of fabrics provide the greatest comfort for lounging – I LOVE FLEECY PANTS! Even recently this has become all the more real to me as I watch my eldest daughter learn to knit. The pattern that she is being taught was passed down by many different generations. Somewhere in history, God allowed someone to develop this pattern of durable intertwining of thread that has maintained and evolved into machines that were created by man to mimic the pattern in mass production! What? AMAZING!

Here is the biggest to me. God allowed man to look behind the curtain at His greatest creation – the human body. Do you understand how much of that we take for granted? You can take allergy medicine because someone figured out that there are elements in our environment that cause the body to have allergic reactions. Not only were they able to identify what elements cause these bodily reactions, they also figured out what combination of chemicals can be infused into the body that strengthens the body’s ability to defend against these reactions. God allows man to develop and use machines to actually LOOK INSIDE the human body without cutting it open! God allows man the knowledge of how do perform surgeries for life-threatening measures. God has even allowed man to tamper with the rhythm of the human bodies rest pattern in order to allow a person to sleep through surgical procedures AND allowed man the wisdom to know how much anesthesia is needed to enable the body to wake up after the procedure is over. I could go on and on about what God has allowed us to see and to know.

It is so humbling and so awe inspiring. I find myself acutely aware that we, that I could be like Moses. We could know of great things, but not truly be able to experience them. So many people on this earth do not have the same luxuries that we have in America and I know that it is by the grace of God that I was born here during this time in our existence. When you change your awareness of where you are and what you have, it changes your entire demeanor. When you change your demeanor, you can change the course of your day. When you change the development of your day, you can affect others and change the perspective of their day. When they change, they affect others and a ripple occurs.

God has pulled the curtain back on SO MUCH. I am so thankful for what he has allowed us to see and to experience. May the exposure you are allowed to have of His creation today give you a fresh perspective on who He is and who you are.