There have been times in my life where I have just been a hot mess. And I mean this in more ways than one. Sometimes the pile of yucky mascara smeared filth is totally because of poor choices I have made. Yet, truthfully, there are times when the pile of manure that I have been thrown in is actually been the affliction of others' poor choices. Now this is really hard for me to say, to vocalize - so I will write it instead. I am built to look at each situation and say, "what did I do wrong, Oh Lord? How could I have made this outcome different? Where did I make the wrong choice that brought about this calamity? How was I disobedient to your will?" And folks, I am no saint. I am probably one of the children of the Lord that is walking around with a very bent and tarnished halo. Got that image? My miry image may not be as bad as Pigpen in the Peanuts comics, but eh, just a notch or two above.
The book of Isaiah is full of rebuke and full of reminders of the children of Israel that they have made bad choices. It is full of reminders of who God is. It is FULL of reminders of His eternal promise. There are children of the children of the Israelites suffering from the decisions and choices of their descendants. They are suffering from affliction and persecution and abuse and just misery because of the actions of others. It happens. It happens with situations other than your ancestors choices. So don't sit there and immediately assume that all things bad that have happened to you is your grandfather's fault. Don't also assume that bad things that happen cannot be your fault. More often than not, they are bad choices on our part. However, there are times when we are the victim of circumstance.
For instance, do you think that the victim of a head-on collision caused by a drunk driver did something to provoke God to unleash His wrath in such a way? NO! Nor do we think that the child wandering around the bar at age 5 hopping from table to table asking for food or money because her father sits at the bar threatening horrible punishment upon her if she does not should be forces such embarrassment and punishment. There are countless predicaments that I find in the lives of friends and family that are challenging and sometimes tragic. With many of them, we find ourselves asking the question, "what could have happened to prevent such a situation?" Sometimes the answer is NOTHING.
Poor choices affect more people than the choice maker. They affect the children of the choice maker's acquaintances 20-30 years OR MORE later. Bullying. Yes, certain studies show that bullying is on the rise in America's youth, but this issue is deeper friends. There are many aspects and layers of this particular problem that must be evaluated before a remedy, cure, or solution can be presented. And much like many infections in today's society, there is not just one remedy prescribed.
Bullying is the result of insecurity. We know that. A person chooses to focus dominance over another person because they have a lack of confidence in self and a fear of losing power. Bullying often produces more bullying. Students who are the victims will either vindicate themselves upon other helpless victims or carry it into adulthood and behave in such a manner as a grown up. But let's go back to the insecurity. Something has caused a child to feel insecure, therefore provoking them to seek security in other measures. Is there an abusive parent? Is there a missing or absent parent? Is there an older sibling who bullies and is not disciplined by the parents? Is the child participating in an activity that gives them the opportunity to gain confidence? Is the child struggling in school and feels inferior in the classroom, so seeks superiority on the playground? Is the child being raised by someone other than their biological parent? Is the parent neglectful, placing career or pursuit of a partner or addiction ahead of the child? Is the parent enabling the behavior seeking to defend and protect instead of discipline and correct?
Then, you take it another step? Why is this behavior going on in the background of their life? Was their parent neglected? Was their parent abused? Was the parenting they are displaying what was modeled for them? Where did the error begin? Now, please understand. I know that there are some parents who give it their all and still have very challenging children. That is for another day. And again, not every prescription for a cure is the same. BUT, insert the very pivotal statement, I believe there is a cure. Sometimes it will take hard work, but it can be achieved.
Now here is where another parenting faux pas will come into play during the intermission. How are you raising your child to respond to bullying? You see, you experienced it too. Who wasn't the butt of a joke sometime in their childhood? Who wasn't made fun of for fashion choices or for who they associated with or for what their grades were (and yes, even "A" students are made fun of - nerd, geek, dork, brown-noser, brainiac). You witnessed people teased because of their lack of athleticism, their lack of name-brand clothes, their house they live in, their weird siblings, their more-popular siblings, their lack of certain possessions (car, etc.). Having nightmarish flashbacks? Yep, either you were a victim, a bully, or a sideline observer who should have intervened.
What? Intervene? Deep down, each one of us possesses the ability to decipher good and bad. I did not say we all possess the ability to just be good. IT IS A CHOICE. There comes a time in your development when your awareness of this becomes stronger. You have a choice to make regardless of upbringing, of past, of present. You have a choice to start listening to the urge that is pressing your heart. Rise up and defend the victim. Accept the bully and see their brokenness. Yikes! That's like hugging a cactus.
Even in adulthood, I find myself a victim of the choices of others and then within me arises this desire to see them "get what they deserve." Not the best choice, but I can tell you right now that I have felt that more times than once - MUCH more than once. This spirit of vindication swells up within my spirit and then causes sin. Wishing bad things to happen to people is not only mean, it is not healthy. If you spend all of your energy and time trying to right a wrong through vindictive means, than you are not using your time and energy for greater things to further the kingdom. God is the only one capable of judgement and justice. So instead of spending energy to create your version of fairness, petition God to bring His justice and fairness back to this world and to guide you in how you may help.
Model true love. Model true loyalty. Model self-discipline. Model self-respect. Model compassion and understanding. Model hope. Model joy in affliction. Model gratitude. Model endurance.
Be a doormat? NO. Just be cautious in how you respond to those seeking to inflict harm. Be aware when Satan is gaining control of your discernment and judgement. My heart has experienced some great sadness and disappointment, but my hope is in the Lord and I know that He is my redeemer. I know that He is my Savior. I know that He has plans for me to prosper. I will wait on Him and find peace. Not peace in knowing that this "bully" will get what is coming to them, but peace that God is going to deal with them as He sees fit. My ultimate hope is that God will create in them self-awareness so they will eventually cease the behavior they are exhibiting, and instead partner with other believers to further the kingdom.
Are you a bully? Be careful before you answer.
Saturday, August 02, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
So It's Like This, Ya See
Are you a parent? If not, than have you ever had administrative authority over others? Taught a class? Led a program? Then you will understand what I am trying to say. I'm a history teacher, which entails teaching about culture and interaction of people. History is not just a list of events. It is a series of unique and amazing stories about people. Even when we are looking at the conflicts between countries, we are looking at the conflict between two groups organized by PEOPLE.
So back to the parent thing. You're a people, right? Good. Now that we have that mutual understanding, let's talk about typical human behavior. People covet. People are tempted. People are tested in work ethic. People are lustful. People are gluttonous. People are jealous. People are never satisfied. In the world of parenting, we are in the business of raising little people and let me tell ya, it is far greater in magnitude to embrace all of these challenges in such a confined capacity. For example, at our house jealousy is something that is a constant struggle for my littlest one. Everything that the oldest one does, says, receives, spends, eats, or whatever, the littlest wants the same.
Now, are there times in this battle that I have been fighting for over six years that I choose to not handle this error in thinking with proper parenting? Uh, yeah! There are probably more days than I want to admit. The extracurricular activities chosen by the girls are similar, but in my heart, I am not sure they should be. What they want for breakfast is the same, even though really it is not. Many a mornings the youngest will request cereal because the oldest has done so. And many a mornings I fuss at her because she doesn't finish the bowl and wastes food knowing that she was not going to actually eat it. I could have handled my reaction to her words differently, but I didn't. What should I have done? I should have gently reminded her before I even poured the bowl of cereal that she is not a fan of this dish and that there are many other tasty options that will satisfy her appetite more adequately. Instead, I just go with the flow and fix the bowl and soak it with milk, all the while knowing what will happen.
Are there times where you just choose to ignore behavior because you don't have time to parent? Or better yet, are their moments when you realize that a behavior has developed as a result of your neglect? Your child is acting a certain way because of an extended period of time of your preoccupied lifestyle or exhaustion? Yeah. Yuck! It makes you frustrated with yourself, doesn't it? And sometimes instead of going back and seeking to begin to discipline and guide your child into a correct behavior, you jerk them through a keyhole and exhibit your frustration with them through harsh words or actions.
OR OR OR
You continue to operate in a world of denial and shrug your shoulders in surrender.
Err go, the USA. You see, we are a group of people, you know those coveting jealous, lustful, gluttonous, and never satisfied group of people. We are very spoiled and well taken care of by our parents - the government. Don't you roll your eyes at me. Go SOMEWHERE, ANYWHERE else and observe the operation of people with their government in another location.
Our parents have let us stay up past bed time for way too long. Our parents have allowed us to eat just one more cookie, sometimes 3-4, after we didn't eat everything on our plate. Our parents have found exhaustion in repetitious discipline and holding to their word when they issue a warning; therefore, they have ignored disobedience. Our parents have been trying to be our friends instead of being our parents.
A good parent teaches the value of hard work and self-discipline. This means that a good parent would teach that I will give you a band aid to put on that wound, but that wound will heal. When that wound heals, a good parent will encourage their child to get back out on the field and play ball. Better yet, they will encourage them to play with the band aid on their knee so that the child may learn that even when things are challenging, they do possess the power to overcome the challenge and succeed. A good parent uses chores to teach their child that all are responsible for the well-being of the home and the well-being of their family. A good parent sees the coveting brewing in their child's eyes and begins to proactively redirect that energy and assist their child in awareness of how they are blessed with exactly what they have instead of constantly appeasing the jealous wishes...constantly giving in and letting them have their way.
Our nation is in a period of upbringing where the parents have ignored their responsibilities for too long and as a result, we are a nation of unruly children. We have to make laws and regulations in reaction instead of proactively. We are giving in to jealousy and whining instead of standing firm in the original discipline that we first established and tirelessly enforced. We are a dysfunctional home to say the least, but the efforts being made to keep the home secure and unified are far from beneficial.
For example, our immigration issue that is of constant bickering and opinion tossing is a great example of lazy parenting. For years we have let our borders become less and less secure, and therefore, the protocol by which we expect people to adhere to in order to gain establishment within our borders is ignored. We have MILLIONS of illegal immigrants, but that is another people issue I will touch on in a moment. Now, let me paint this picture to you back in parent mode. For years, we have been letting one child get away with not following the rules and have been ignoring it because we are too preoccupied with other matters (war with nations on the other side of the globe, a dysfunctional economy, LGBT agendas, healthcare, etc.) As we continue to ignore, the behavior continues to worsen. Children do this too. If they get candy out of the candy jar and you do not catch them, than they will do it again. If they get candy out of the candy jar, and you see them and SAY NOTHING, than you better believe they are going to do it again. Why wouldn't they? It's CANDY!
Don't forget our nation is completely made up of IMMIGRANTS. Not one family can claim that their ancestors did not come from somewhere else (aside from our Native Americans). So the children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren of the first few generations were required to adhere to certain rules and regulations in order to be a part of this family. The citizenship process has been respected and obeyed by many generations of immigrants that chose to come to this great land. In other words, there are children in our family who obeyed the rules and cleaned their plate and asked permission to get candy from the candy jar before they just took. They respected the parents... (DON'T MISS THIS) because their parents demanded it. Now we are in a place where there is an absence of fairness. The parents are not exhibiting the same expectations of the younger children. In fact, the younger children are not only getting CANDY for free, the parents are contemplating how they will allow them to continue to get CANDY for free and eventually "gently" move them into a placement in the family where they are doing chores and contributing to the whole. All of the grumblings being made are the children who are mad about this breaking of the rules with no punishment.
Ah, but check this out. These same complainers are also a part of some of the movements to make it less difficult for struggling students to make the grade (oh, another day). They are a part of the movements to create a raise in wages and treatment of workers for equality. They are a part of the movements to keep the parents from having too much control over their decisions in various aspects - money, healthcare, marriage, etc. We want the government to just manage, not micromanage - well some of us. I will tell you what I think the government should and shouldn't do another day. Meanwhile, have you ever looked at the requirements to becoming a citizen? They are extensive and complicated. I'm not gonna lie to you. I would look at them with despair and discouragement.
You know how your parents wanted you to keep your room clean and make your bed and all that junk. Did you have parents who reminded you daily or parents who reminded you only when it was time to go to a party? "You can go, after you clean your room and make your bed!" Yes, there are some of you that were model children and you only had to be told once to do this particular chore. Then there are those of you who probably have small rodents living under your bed from all the crap you crammed under there every Friday night. Personal rant - I COULDN'T CRAM STUFF UNDER MY BED BECAUSE I HAD A DAYBED WITH A TRUNDLE!!! Whose fault is that? MINE, because I asked for that kind of bed. When our parents are not reminding us daily of the rules, we, as those people creatures I described earlier, tend to see just how far we can go. Then our parents find great frustration with our lack of obedience and arrive at the challenges of having to go back to the foundation of the discipline and, let me tell ya, IT IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK. Because it is frustrating and hard, it sometimes brings out the wrong response and wrong emotion of the parent.
Now we have over 11 million non-citizens living in our country that we are trying to figure out what to do with as they have not followed the rules expected of the older children AND they are getting most, if not more, of the same perks that the other children are getting. Oh, and they are not contributing to the chore list (not paying taxes).
Perspective check - if you could get candy without getting in trouble, would you? DON'T YOU LIE. You would. Statistic check - the current minimum wage in the United States is $7.25/hour. THE AVERAGE DAILY INCOME OF THE REST OF THE WORLD IS $2.00/DAY. If you were looking at the possibility of making 3 1/2 times what you make in a day in the time constraint of 1 hour, wouldn't you try to go to that place as well? They come for the candy. You were just lucky to be born in the house where the candy is.
Now what? Well, I shall tell you only what I know. You have this new perspective to look at on how we have gotten to this great problem. Oh, and this is only ONE of the problems with our parenting that has been going on for the past century. Just like any adequate solution, we cannot just come up with a temporary fix. We have to go back to where the problem began and fix the break in communication, break in discipline. AND we have to be proactive for future issues THAT WILL come up. AND we have to decipher the most logical solution for those benefiting from the candy now. Any solution is going to be costly - VERY COSTLY, but unfortunately this is a cost that must be made. You can put off some things for only so long. How much longer will we put it off?
So back to the parent thing. You're a people, right? Good. Now that we have that mutual understanding, let's talk about typical human behavior. People covet. People are tempted. People are tested in work ethic. People are lustful. People are gluttonous. People are jealous. People are never satisfied. In the world of parenting, we are in the business of raising little people and let me tell ya, it is far greater in magnitude to embrace all of these challenges in such a confined capacity. For example, at our house jealousy is something that is a constant struggle for my littlest one. Everything that the oldest one does, says, receives, spends, eats, or whatever, the littlest wants the same.
Now, are there times in this battle that I have been fighting for over six years that I choose to not handle this error in thinking with proper parenting? Uh, yeah! There are probably more days than I want to admit. The extracurricular activities chosen by the girls are similar, but in my heart, I am not sure they should be. What they want for breakfast is the same, even though really it is not. Many a mornings the youngest will request cereal because the oldest has done so. And many a mornings I fuss at her because she doesn't finish the bowl and wastes food knowing that she was not going to actually eat it. I could have handled my reaction to her words differently, but I didn't. What should I have done? I should have gently reminded her before I even poured the bowl of cereal that she is not a fan of this dish and that there are many other tasty options that will satisfy her appetite more adequately. Instead, I just go with the flow and fix the bowl and soak it with milk, all the while knowing what will happen.
Are there times where you just choose to ignore behavior because you don't have time to parent? Or better yet, are their moments when you realize that a behavior has developed as a result of your neglect? Your child is acting a certain way because of an extended period of time of your preoccupied lifestyle or exhaustion? Yeah. Yuck! It makes you frustrated with yourself, doesn't it? And sometimes instead of going back and seeking to begin to discipline and guide your child into a correct behavior, you jerk them through a keyhole and exhibit your frustration with them through harsh words or actions.
OR OR OR
You continue to operate in a world of denial and shrug your shoulders in surrender.
Err go, the USA. You see, we are a group of people, you know those coveting jealous, lustful, gluttonous, and never satisfied group of people. We are very spoiled and well taken care of by our parents - the government. Don't you roll your eyes at me. Go SOMEWHERE, ANYWHERE else and observe the operation of people with their government in another location.
Our parents have let us stay up past bed time for way too long. Our parents have allowed us to eat just one more cookie, sometimes 3-4, after we didn't eat everything on our plate. Our parents have found exhaustion in repetitious discipline and holding to their word when they issue a warning; therefore, they have ignored disobedience. Our parents have been trying to be our friends instead of being our parents.
A good parent teaches the value of hard work and self-discipline. This means that a good parent would teach that I will give you a band aid to put on that wound, but that wound will heal. When that wound heals, a good parent will encourage their child to get back out on the field and play ball. Better yet, they will encourage them to play with the band aid on their knee so that the child may learn that even when things are challenging, they do possess the power to overcome the challenge and succeed. A good parent uses chores to teach their child that all are responsible for the well-being of the home and the well-being of their family. A good parent sees the coveting brewing in their child's eyes and begins to proactively redirect that energy and assist their child in awareness of how they are blessed with exactly what they have instead of constantly appeasing the jealous wishes...constantly giving in and letting them have their way.
Our nation is in a period of upbringing where the parents have ignored their responsibilities for too long and as a result, we are a nation of unruly children. We have to make laws and regulations in reaction instead of proactively. We are giving in to jealousy and whining instead of standing firm in the original discipline that we first established and tirelessly enforced. We are a dysfunctional home to say the least, but the efforts being made to keep the home secure and unified are far from beneficial.
For example, our immigration issue that is of constant bickering and opinion tossing is a great example of lazy parenting. For years we have let our borders become less and less secure, and therefore, the protocol by which we expect people to adhere to in order to gain establishment within our borders is ignored. We have MILLIONS of illegal immigrants, but that is another people issue I will touch on in a moment. Now, let me paint this picture to you back in parent mode. For years, we have been letting one child get away with not following the rules and have been ignoring it because we are too preoccupied with other matters (war with nations on the other side of the globe, a dysfunctional economy, LGBT agendas, healthcare, etc.) As we continue to ignore, the behavior continues to worsen. Children do this too. If they get candy out of the candy jar and you do not catch them, than they will do it again. If they get candy out of the candy jar, and you see them and SAY NOTHING, than you better believe they are going to do it again. Why wouldn't they? It's CANDY!
You know how your parents wanted you to keep your room clean and make your bed and all that junk. Did you have parents who reminded you daily or parents who reminded you only when it was time to go to a party? "You can go, after you clean your room and make your bed!" Yes, there are some of you that were model children and you only had to be told once to do this particular chore. Then there are those of you who probably have small rodents living under your bed from all the crap you crammed under there every Friday night. Personal rant - I COULDN'T CRAM STUFF UNDER MY BED BECAUSE I HAD A DAYBED WITH A TRUNDLE!!! Whose fault is that? MINE, because I asked for that kind of bed. When our parents are not reminding us daily of the rules, we, as those people creatures I described earlier, tend to see just how far we can go. Then our parents find great frustration with our lack of obedience and arrive at the challenges of having to go back to the foundation of the discipline and, let me tell ya, IT IS HARDER THAN YOU THINK. Because it is frustrating and hard, it sometimes brings out the wrong response and wrong emotion of the parent.
Now we have over 11 million non-citizens living in our country that we are trying to figure out what to do with as they have not followed the rules expected of the older children AND they are getting most, if not more, of the same perks that the other children are getting. Oh, and they are not contributing to the chore list (not paying taxes).
Now what? Well, I shall tell you only what I know. You have this new perspective to look at on how we have gotten to this great problem. Oh, and this is only ONE of the problems with our parenting that has been going on for the past century. Just like any adequate solution, we cannot just come up with a temporary fix. We have to go back to where the problem began and fix the break in communication, break in discipline. AND we have to be proactive for future issues THAT WILL come up. AND we have to decipher the most logical solution for those benefiting from the candy now. Any solution is going to be costly - VERY COSTLY, but unfortunately this is a cost that must be made. You can put off some things for only so long. How much longer will we put it off?
Thursday, July 24, 2014
City Girl
I cannot say that I am a city girl. I cannot say that I have not spent a larger portion of my life amongst nonstop pavement, constant illumination, and mass-produced shopping potential. I cannot say that I am immune to deer in my yard. I cannot say that I do not know life with well-water. I cannot say that I have always enjoyed the luxury of high-speed internet or even cable TV.
Yet, as I have returned to an environment where we are back to the exact same set-up of my youth, quiet and distance from the chaos, I am finding myself a city-girl in ways that almost annoy me. Now some adjustments I am making quite well. For example, we have well water now as we did in our very first little home together when we got married so long ago. I must say, that well water is truly not that bad. It is hard water and therefore I had to remind myself that my hair needs some extra loving when it comes to conditioning. However, we are lucky in that it doesn’t taste bad and it has not changed the color of my whites, nor have we really experienced any problem with overuse. Our past experience has much to do with some of these appreciations. It is way not cool to run a well dry. It is also no fun to watch your whites turn a shade of yellow. For those of you that are city folk, well water is not filtered. It is as natural as it comes…straight out of the ground. To be more direct, it comes STRAIGHT out of the ground bringing whatever wonderful mineral or residue is found in its reservoir with it as it flows into your pipes. Both of my parents remember having orange clothes from the sulfur that was in their well water. Didn’t know you had that little perk to be thankful for did ya?
Now septic tanks, that’s another beast…literally. In fact, I guess it was probably our second house that we lived in in Texas before I realized that they did not have septic tanks in the city. City friends, this is the countryman’s sewer. They deserve a certain respect and care in their usage.
Field mice. Yep, a tad more frequent when you say, LIVE IN A FIELD. We had them all my life. As a child, I just knew where to not step in our home lest I get my toe broken from a baited trap. We even had them in my “city” apartment in Birmingham. Ok, really he was a rat. Oh that rat deserves another post all to himself. We had mice in our first house as a married couple and that, too, deserves its own post. There is nothing like the pungent odor of decaying animal. Yep, still get a whiff of it every now and then and am provoked to vomit just a little in my mouth. We are back to the country, and back to battling the little mice. They are just another pest like spiders and ants. It just is. Having to remind myself to remind guests of the traps and bait so their little ones will not encounter them.
We have less busy roads. We have fewer lights to allow us to see the stars. We have space between neighbors. We have exposure to more of nature. We have so much, but yet I find myself still letting my appreciation of these advantages wane.
Here is where the city girl is bothering me. When I was little, I would run through our pastures barefoot and have not a care in the world. This go around, I find myself becoming so irritated with bugs that it puts me in a mood of foulness. So ugly that I find myself repentant of the furrowed brow I carry. Bugs, I know God made you. I know that God has a purpose for your presence here on this earth. He is the almighty artist and designator of each intricate aspect of this world. But why red wasps, God? These are things that we will have a good talk about when I get there. Why sweat bees? Why wasps in general? Aren’t regular stinging bees and yellow jackets enough? And why mosquitos? Oh, my entire family – especially the girls – cry out to the Lord Most High, why is there a secret attacker in the yard that does nothing but take our blood and threaten to give us something named Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever? Just a few weeks ago, I counted a total of 50 – FIFTY!!!! – mosquito bites on my body alone. Is your brow starting to furrow too? I KNOW!
You see, what makes me finally smile after I repent of my carrying on about the existence of these nuisances, is that God is giggling at me. I know that God is watching as I am swatting at the air like a ninja warrior and these little bitty bugs are able to navigate away from my supposed coordination. How do they do that? How do they move so much faster and even know that my rolled up newspaper is coming? I think God tells them so they know to dart the other direction at just the right moment and then He laughs and laughs and laughs.
When I was little, I played through the mosquito bites; and yes, they were just as bad then. When I was little, I told my daddy there were wasps in my swing set and he sprayed them down with his magical poison and life goes on. When I was little, I found it a challenge and game to try to chase down the bug that was dodging me. Sometimes I would even catch them in a cup and torture them before killing them. Gasp! Yep. I was one of those kids. But I refused to let them deter me from missing out on all the other amazing things God had to reveal to me. I would go out at night and lie down on our driveway and look at the stars…all the while being nibbled by mosquitos. An hour or more before that, I was outside catching lightening bugs, right along with those mosquitos. They do not sleep. I would literally run through the field when it had high grass and let the grass fleas jump on me, but I was reenacting some great movie scene in my head of some hero and princess running to one another, so those bugs didn’t even faze me. I would come in at night and my mother would lay me on a towel and rub that ugly yet soothing pink lotion on all my bites with a Q-tip. I don’t know what is in that stuff, but it is so awesome.
What is wrong with me? I spend the majority of my day with 2 versions of little me and yet I cannot channel that inner little girl. I vow today to find that little girl again. This must change. If I can handle the well water management and the septic-tank respect, what are little bugs? As I write this, I find embarrassment in the admittance that I allow such creatures to take away my love of the outdoors. For when we do sit out on our porch during any hour of the day, I am lost in the beauty of it all. To watch the deer and the fawn quietly walk across the field. To listen to the frogs grow louder and louder with the oncoming darkness. To watch the birds hop around in the yard looking for food and supplies for their nest. I can’t miss that! Nor can I allow my kids to miss it before it’s too late. I don’t want them to be the unsure city girl. I want them to run with liberation knowing that they are strong enough to overcome and endure little things. The bigger things will come, and if they can’t handle little struggles, than big challenges will be crippling and destructive. I vow today to take my magical spray and make the wasps go away so we can play. I vow today to let the grass fleas bounce off of our citronella skin and the bumble bee to hover around the clover at our feet. I vow today to be OK with smelling like Off for the day so the mosquitos won’t give us some unbearable coating of bites. And if they do break through, than I will get the Q-tip and the pink lotion so we can all sleep through the night and be rested just enough to get out there and build our fort, swing on our swing, ride our bike, run to our beau, and conquer the world once more.
Yet, as I have returned to an environment where we are back to the exact same set-up of my youth, quiet and distance from the chaos, I am finding myself a city-girl in ways that almost annoy me. Now some adjustments I am making quite well. For example, we have well water now as we did in our very first little home together when we got married so long ago. I must say, that well water is truly not that bad. It is hard water and therefore I had to remind myself that my hair needs some extra loving when it comes to conditioning. However, we are lucky in that it doesn’t taste bad and it has not changed the color of my whites, nor have we really experienced any problem with overuse. Our past experience has much to do with some of these appreciations. It is way not cool to run a well dry. It is also no fun to watch your whites turn a shade of yellow. For those of you that are city folk, well water is not filtered. It is as natural as it comes…straight out of the ground. To be more direct, it comes STRAIGHT out of the ground bringing whatever wonderful mineral or residue is found in its reservoir with it as it flows into your pipes. Both of my parents remember having orange clothes from the sulfur that was in their well water. Didn’t know you had that little perk to be thankful for did ya?
Now septic tanks, that’s another beast…literally. In fact, I guess it was probably our second house that we lived in in Texas before I realized that they did not have septic tanks in the city. City friends, this is the countryman’s sewer. They deserve a certain respect and care in their usage.
Field mice. Yep, a tad more frequent when you say, LIVE IN A FIELD. We had them all my life. As a child, I just knew where to not step in our home lest I get my toe broken from a baited trap. We even had them in my “city” apartment in Birmingham. Ok, really he was a rat. Oh that rat deserves another post all to himself. We had mice in our first house as a married couple and that, too, deserves its own post. There is nothing like the pungent odor of decaying animal. Yep, still get a whiff of it every now and then and am provoked to vomit just a little in my mouth. We are back to the country, and back to battling the little mice. They are just another pest like spiders and ants. It just is. Having to remind myself to remind guests of the traps and bait so their little ones will not encounter them.
Here is where the city girl is bothering me. When I was little, I would run through our pastures barefoot and have not a care in the world. This go around, I find myself becoming so irritated with bugs that it puts me in a mood of foulness. So ugly that I find myself repentant of the furrowed brow I carry. Bugs, I know God made you. I know that God has a purpose for your presence here on this earth. He is the almighty artist and designator of each intricate aspect of this world. But why red wasps, God? These are things that we will have a good talk about when I get there. Why sweat bees? Why wasps in general? Aren’t regular stinging bees and yellow jackets enough? And why mosquitos? Oh, my entire family – especially the girls – cry out to the Lord Most High, why is there a secret attacker in the yard that does nothing but take our blood and threaten to give us something named Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever? Just a few weeks ago, I counted a total of 50 – FIFTY!!!! – mosquito bites on my body alone. Is your brow starting to furrow too? I KNOW!
You see, what makes me finally smile after I repent of my carrying on about the existence of these nuisances, is that God is giggling at me. I know that God is watching as I am swatting at the air like a ninja warrior and these little bitty bugs are able to navigate away from my supposed coordination. How do they do that? How do they move so much faster and even know that my rolled up newspaper is coming? I think God tells them so they know to dart the other direction at just the right moment and then He laughs and laughs and laughs.
When I was little, I played through the mosquito bites; and yes, they were just as bad then. When I was little, I told my daddy there were wasps in my swing set and he sprayed them down with his magical poison and life goes on. When I was little, I found it a challenge and game to try to chase down the bug that was dodging me. Sometimes I would even catch them in a cup and torture them before killing them. Gasp! Yep. I was one of those kids. But I refused to let them deter me from missing out on all the other amazing things God had to reveal to me. I would go out at night and lie down on our driveway and look at the stars…all the while being nibbled by mosquitos. An hour or more before that, I was outside catching lightening bugs, right along with those mosquitos. They do not sleep. I would literally run through the field when it had high grass and let the grass fleas jump on me, but I was reenacting some great movie scene in my head of some hero and princess running to one another, so those bugs didn’t even faze me. I would come in at night and my mother would lay me on a towel and rub that ugly yet soothing pink lotion on all my bites with a Q-tip. I don’t know what is in that stuff, but it is so awesome.
What is wrong with me? I spend the majority of my day with 2 versions of little me and yet I cannot channel that inner little girl. I vow today to find that little girl again. This must change. If I can handle the well water management and the septic-tank respect, what are little bugs? As I write this, I find embarrassment in the admittance that I allow such creatures to take away my love of the outdoors. For when we do sit out on our porch during any hour of the day, I am lost in the beauty of it all. To watch the deer and the fawn quietly walk across the field. To listen to the frogs grow louder and louder with the oncoming darkness. To watch the birds hop around in the yard looking for food and supplies for their nest. I can’t miss that! Nor can I allow my kids to miss it before it’s too late. I don’t want them to be the unsure city girl. I want them to run with liberation knowing that they are strong enough to overcome and endure little things. The bigger things will come, and if they can’t handle little struggles, than big challenges will be crippling and destructive. I vow today to take my magical spray and make the wasps go away so we can play. I vow today to let the grass fleas bounce off of our citronella skin and the bumble bee to hover around the clover at our feet. I vow today to be OK with smelling like Off for the day so the mosquitos won’t give us some unbearable coating of bites. And if they do break through, than I will get the Q-tip and the pink lotion so we can all sleep through the night and be rested just enough to get out there and build our fort, swing on our swing, ride our bike, run to our beau, and conquer the world once more.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Do You Really Need to Know?
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31
Let me rewrite it with proper emphasis so you can really get it.
Do you not KNOW? Have you not (already) HEARD? (Because, if I remember correctly, you have heard and you do know better.) The Lord is the EVERLASTING God, the CREATOR of the ends of the earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary, and his understanding NO ONE can fathom. (It is impossible for a created being to use the restricted knowledge of time and space that it is granted to begin to explain the Creator or the Creator’s master design.) He gives STRENGTH to the weary and INCREASES the power of the weak. Even YOUTHS grow tired and weary, and YOUNG men stumble and fall; but those who HOPE (wait) in the Lord will renew their STRENGTH. They will SOAR on wings like eagles; they will RUN and NOT grow weary, they will WALK and not be faint.”
Don’t you get it? God was Lord over all creation in the beginning, He is Lord over all creation NOW and He will still be on His throne long after we have stopped walking the surface of this created orbiting object. That is something that I feel that man has arrogantly tried to explain. This need to understand the actual beginning of the world, the beginning of the universe and to predict the conclusion of such is nothing more than a flexing of academic muscles that are injected with infection steroids of theoretical GUESSES. Now don’t get me wrong. I like to know things. I like to study things. I like to know the origin of things. I LOVE HISTORY. I know we are living someone else’s history even at this moment. Yet there are some things that we do not have to know – really. I know that a large percentage of the population just gasped. Why? Why would you not want to know?
Why do you need to know things to begin with? It is because the knowledge of all of the elements surrounding a situation gives us comfort. Think about it. It is why we ask the word, “why?” How much tension releases from your body when you have an answer to your why. To be able to come to a peace with the truth that His understanding is not for us to be able to fathom, that is the pinnacle of peace. However, we must also understand that once we arrive at that peace, all the answers of the world will not fall into our lap. The next step is arriving at trusting that even with things unknown, the EVERLASTING God is OUR God and will provide for us. He will strengthen us when we are weary. He will increase our power when we are weak. I think the emphasis on increases in that sentence is important, for God NEVER leaves us. In our weakest state, we still have power. We have Him. He simply increases our power in times of despair. We must trust though. If we try to strengthen ourselves with our own efforts, it will only cause greater fatigue and exhaustion.
The passage points out that even youth grow tired and trip up. It has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions the enormous amount of energy that my children have. All adults notice that at some point – the vast difference in energy between young and old. Isaiah is continuing to point out that even those with the greatest resolve will finally collapse. It is your choice as to whom you are going to collapse in the arms of.
Hope is defined as a wanting for something to happen or for something to be true. Isaiah says that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Too often our “hope” is found in man or creation of man. And that, my friend, is why so many of us find ourselves in a spirit of disappointment. Man cannot provide for us. Man cannot sustain us. Man cannot renew our strength. Man is our equal.
God can use man and manmade things to assist us in strengthening and running and soaring. Our awareness of that is crucial, though. You can do nothing outside of the power of your creator. Nothing. You are but a moment in time. You will have disappointment. You will have weakness. It is up to you to decide how to process and handle that. Do you trust that the Lord is Lord over all creation? Do you trust that the Lord wants to bless you and use you in mighty ways? Do you find your comfort in Him or in created things?
Our family seems to roller coaster through challenges and obstacles. I know that we are probably no different than really any other family, but I am aware that we are experiencing moments of weariness and moments of weakness in order to get a better grip on His hand (His wing) so that on the backside of this event we will soar. To soar takes on many different images. Make sure that you are not taking for granted your moments in the sky. Make sure that you see His hand moving. Impatience blurs the vision. Trusting in the world creates disappointment and despair.
Hope in the Lord for your strength will surprise you and your vision will become very clear. Once your vision is clear and your strength is renewed, get ready to walk, run and fly for the Lord will use you and move you and move mountains through you. Oh to be in a world full of hope again! I long for that day. Join me in this hope and the contagious spirit will spread.
Let me rewrite it with proper emphasis so you can really get it.
Do you not KNOW? Have you not (already) HEARD? (Because, if I remember correctly, you have heard and you do know better.) The Lord is the EVERLASTING God, the CREATOR of the ends of the earth. He will NOT grow tired or weary, and his understanding NO ONE can fathom. (It is impossible for a created being to use the restricted knowledge of time and space that it is granted to begin to explain the Creator or the Creator’s master design.) He gives STRENGTH to the weary and INCREASES the power of the weak. Even YOUTHS grow tired and weary, and YOUNG men stumble and fall; but those who HOPE (wait) in the Lord will renew their STRENGTH. They will SOAR on wings like eagles; they will RUN and NOT grow weary, they will WALK and not be faint.”
Don’t you get it? God was Lord over all creation in the beginning, He is Lord over all creation NOW and He will still be on His throne long after we have stopped walking the surface of this created orbiting object. That is something that I feel that man has arrogantly tried to explain. This need to understand the actual beginning of the world, the beginning of the universe and to predict the conclusion of such is nothing more than a flexing of academic muscles that are injected with infection steroids of theoretical GUESSES. Now don’t get me wrong. I like to know things. I like to study things. I like to know the origin of things. I LOVE HISTORY. I know we are living someone else’s history even at this moment. Yet there are some things that we do not have to know – really. I know that a large percentage of the population just gasped. Why? Why would you not want to know?
Why do you need to know things to begin with? It is because the knowledge of all of the elements surrounding a situation gives us comfort. Think about it. It is why we ask the word, “why?” How much tension releases from your body when you have an answer to your why. To be able to come to a peace with the truth that His understanding is not for us to be able to fathom, that is the pinnacle of peace. However, we must also understand that once we arrive at that peace, all the answers of the world will not fall into our lap. The next step is arriving at trusting that even with things unknown, the EVERLASTING God is OUR God and will provide for us. He will strengthen us when we are weary. He will increase our power when we are weak. I think the emphasis on increases in that sentence is important, for God NEVER leaves us. In our weakest state, we still have power. We have Him. He simply increases our power in times of despair. We must trust though. If we try to strengthen ourselves with our own efforts, it will only cause greater fatigue and exhaustion.
The passage points out that even youth grow tired and trip up. It has been pointed out to me on numerous occasions the enormous amount of energy that my children have. All adults notice that at some point – the vast difference in energy between young and old. Isaiah is continuing to point out that even those with the greatest resolve will finally collapse. It is your choice as to whom you are going to collapse in the arms of.
Hope is defined as a wanting for something to happen or for something to be true. Isaiah says that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. Too often our “hope” is found in man or creation of man. And that, my friend, is why so many of us find ourselves in a spirit of disappointment. Man cannot provide for us. Man cannot sustain us. Man cannot renew our strength. Man is our equal.
God can use man and manmade things to assist us in strengthening and running and soaring. Our awareness of that is crucial, though. You can do nothing outside of the power of your creator. Nothing. You are but a moment in time. You will have disappointment. You will have weakness. It is up to you to decide how to process and handle that. Do you trust that the Lord is Lord over all creation? Do you trust that the Lord wants to bless you and use you in mighty ways? Do you find your comfort in Him or in created things?
Our family seems to roller coaster through challenges and obstacles. I know that we are probably no different than really any other family, but I am aware that we are experiencing moments of weariness and moments of weakness in order to get a better grip on His hand (His wing) so that on the backside of this event we will soar. To soar takes on many different images. Make sure that you are not taking for granted your moments in the sky. Make sure that you see His hand moving. Impatience blurs the vision. Trusting in the world creates disappointment and despair.
Hope in the Lord for your strength will surprise you and your vision will become very clear. Once your vision is clear and your strength is renewed, get ready to walk, run and fly for the Lord will use you and move you and move mountains through you. Oh to be in a world full of hope again! I long for that day. Join me in this hope and the contagious spirit will spread.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Why We Go - Child #2
Emma Reagan Powell came into this world with complete unpredictable means. She was a month early and decided to scare us two times before making her vocal debut in Fort Worth, Texas. You may remember from previous posts, Jeremy and I were told that it was a strong possibility we would be unable to have children through natural means. We both have medical conditions that tend to provide complications with conception. So the very idea that God decided to grant us the honor to have a child of our own was extremely humbling. We were typical first-time parents and then some.
The evening of February 26th, Emma - still in my womb - stopped moving for hours. She had done this once before 2 weeks earlier and my doctor rushed to admit me only to find I was dehydrated so Emma was too. However, this put me on high alert for the remainder of the pregnancy. She was due March 17, so we were still not there yet. House was ready. All the goofy parenting classes had been attended including the one with the fake breast that is intended to teach nursing, but really is just an enormous temptation for all the men in the room to burst into contagious giggling. We even had our bags packed for the hospital, so unlike other Powell Pandelerium, we were as prepared as we could be.
So we called the doctor on call. Drink a coke, she says. If Emma does not respond to the caffeine, than I am to go in for observation. No response. We get to the hospital to find that we are going to have to induce. My body was no longer able to provide for her and she was beginning to enter into a stage of distress. Here is where we start getting the typical Powell predicament. After Pitocin and many hours of listening to that precious little heartbeat, she arrived delivered by her father. My doctor was amazing. She entrusted Jeremy to actually be the first person that our child encountered as she was so rudely exposed to the cold and bright new world.
Fast forward two years. I had to talk Jeremy into more than one child as I wanted a house full and he thought one was great. However, we decided Emma needed a sibling, so we began trying, but we were not telling anyone this time. When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, I hated the constant interrogation from people. It was the first thing out of their mouth. "So, are you pregnant yet?" I don't know about you, but that drove me crazy. We also had been reminded how lucky we were to actually be blessed with the child we had and to try for another could be disappointing. So we kept to ourselves. By keeping #2 a secret, it was a lot less stressful.
Let me set the scene for you in the Powell world at this point in time. My mother passed away to cancer in November of 2006. Jeremy was receiving IV medication through a PICC line that I was administering because of a fungal infection in his vertebrae. The infection was actually compromising his ability to walk, so he was a mess. We were 700+ miles away from the nearest family member. And as some of our family vocalized - "Why would you do that?" There were concerns about Jeremy's long term prognosis, so many were afraid I would be operating as a parent of 2 with little to no help. Most girls turn to Mom for help during pregnancy and child rearing advice. I didn't have that anymore. Luckily, I learned a lot from her in the 27 years God allowed me to have under her watch.
So, why? Because we both felt the Lord tell us. The Lord had plans for this second child. The Lord was going to use our lives to tell His story once more. The Lord wanted all to see who He IS and who He will be forever and ever as He continues to work MIRACLES in our life.
So we were obedient. The couple that shouldn't be able to conceive did so again. It was purposed. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant with a little one under foot while our house flooded - twice. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant as we began communicating with another church to further the ministry God was calling us to do. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant when He wanted to mesmerize the medical world by allowing Jeremy to survive 108' fever. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant as I waged a war with dark forces striking horror into my toddler and completely destroying my spirit as she cried and screamed genuine tears of fear. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant during a move of 800 miles. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant with Abigail Jo Powell who was not named completely until we laid eyes upon her that beautiful November afternoon.
My pregnancy with Abigail was easier in some ways and more difficult in others. I literally had Cabbage Patch feet because of swelling, but she was worth it. We had made a connection with a new doctor and she got wind that Jeremy had delivered Emma. So when it came time for Abigail to enter the world, she looked at Jeremy and said, "Scrub up. I can't have you telling one child that you were able to deliver her and not the other."
The look on my husband's face was priceless. Dr. Heaton is an amazing person and physician. Since that day where she assisted with the arrival of my second miracle, she has been nothing but an encouragement and blessing to me. I need to get permission to take an entire piece just to tout her amazing ability to connect with her patients and create an element of trust that is invaluable.
Abigail Jo was what I saw when I looked her in the eyes for the first time. She is every bit of the Southern belle with a double name. She is every bit of the stereotypical second child. She is every bit of the little sister. She has great determination and ambition. She loves music and has an incredible wit. There is an enormous heart still waiting to be fully developed as we get glimpses of it with each little relationship she forms. Every day, I am watching as God continues to mold and shape her into the special person that she is to be - that He will use for His glory. Get ready world, for Abbi Jo is going to come at you in a BIG way. We are sure of this.
Why #2? Because He said so. He has already used her creation and existance to tell His story in enormous ways with just 6 years into the adventure. She has already impacted quite a few people of all sizes and I know God is going to use her to change even more for His glory. She has definitely changed mine. Why do you have the number you have? I would be interested to hear. Make sure you are allowing them to write an amazing autobiography radiating their Creator.
The evening of February 26th, Emma - still in my womb - stopped moving for hours. She had done this once before 2 weeks earlier and my doctor rushed to admit me only to find I was dehydrated so Emma was too. However, this put me on high alert for the remainder of the pregnancy. She was due March 17, so we were still not there yet. House was ready. All the goofy parenting classes had been attended including the one with the fake breast that is intended to teach nursing, but really is just an enormous temptation for all the men in the room to burst into contagious giggling. We even had our bags packed for the hospital, so unlike other Powell Pandelerium, we were as prepared as we could be.
Fast forward two years. I had to talk Jeremy into more than one child as I wanted a house full and he thought one was great. However, we decided Emma needed a sibling, so we began trying, but we were not telling anyone this time. When we were trying to get pregnant the first time, I hated the constant interrogation from people. It was the first thing out of their mouth. "So, are you pregnant yet?" I don't know about you, but that drove me crazy. We also had been reminded how lucky we were to actually be blessed with the child we had and to try for another could be disappointing. So we kept to ourselves. By keeping #2 a secret, it was a lot less stressful.
Let me set the scene for you in the Powell world at this point in time. My mother passed away to cancer in November of 2006. Jeremy was receiving IV medication through a PICC line that I was administering because of a fungal infection in his vertebrae. The infection was actually compromising his ability to walk, so he was a mess. We were 700+ miles away from the nearest family member. And as some of our family vocalized - "Why would you do that?" There were concerns about Jeremy's long term prognosis, so many were afraid I would be operating as a parent of 2 with little to no help. Most girls turn to Mom for help during pregnancy and child rearing advice. I didn't have that anymore. Luckily, I learned a lot from her in the 27 years God allowed me to have under her watch.
So, why? Because we both felt the Lord tell us. The Lord had plans for this second child. The Lord was going to use our lives to tell His story once more. The Lord wanted all to see who He IS and who He will be forever and ever as He continues to work MIRACLES in our life.
So we were obedient. The couple that shouldn't be able to conceive did so again. It was purposed. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant with a little one under foot while our house flooded - twice. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant as we began communicating with another church to further the ministry God was calling us to do. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant when He wanted to mesmerize the medical world by allowing Jeremy to survive 108' fever. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant as I waged a war with dark forces striking horror into my toddler and completely destroying my spirit as she cried and screamed genuine tears of fear. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant during a move of 800 miles. I believe God wanted me to be pregnant with Abigail Jo Powell who was not named completely until we laid eyes upon her that beautiful November afternoon.
My pregnancy with Abigail was easier in some ways and more difficult in others. I literally had Cabbage Patch feet because of swelling, but she was worth it. We had made a connection with a new doctor and she got wind that Jeremy had delivered Emma. So when it came time for Abigail to enter the world, she looked at Jeremy and said, "Scrub up. I can't have you telling one child that you were able to deliver her and not the other."
Abigail Jo was what I saw when I looked her in the eyes for the first time. She is every bit of the Southern belle with a double name. She is every bit of the stereotypical second child. She is every bit of the little sister. She has great determination and ambition. She loves music and has an incredible wit. There is an enormous heart still waiting to be fully developed as we get glimpses of it with each little relationship she forms. Every day, I am watching as God continues to mold and shape her into the special person that she is to be - that He will use for His glory. Get ready world, for Abbi Jo is going to come at you in a BIG way. We are sure of this.
Why #2? Because He said so. He has already used her creation and existance to tell His story in enormous ways with just 6 years into the adventure. She has already impacted quite a few people of all sizes and I know God is going to use her to change even more for His glory. She has definitely changed mine. Why do you have the number you have? I would be interested to hear. Make sure you are allowing them to write an amazing autobiography radiating their Creator.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Volume Down. Volume Up.
As a mom, I feel the great responsibility to be an informer to my children of the world. It is also built into the career choice given to me by my Creator. Educators feel the need to provide as much exposure to the world as possible, also. We want them to know how things work. We want them to know the origin of things. We want them to know of what things are composed. We want them to know what choices they have and what consequences are the result of certain choices. We want them to know that their opinion and their passion are a reflection of them, so an awareness of their inner thoughts being outwardly expressed is something to be treated with great discernment.
If you have any kind of relationship with anybody, they are learning from you. They are either learning what you think is best and utilizing that in their decision making OR they are learning that decisions you make are NOT what are best and they are utilizing that in their decision making. There are many things that we do or say out of impulse and lack of filtering in the moment that are impactful on observing eyes and ears. It always amazes me when students that I have taught quote me or tell another student how I will react and what my expectations are. It gives me that feeling of, “wow, they are listening.”
Then there are days like one I had just a few days ago. (Insert humble head bowed) My family loves music, all kinds of music. We listen to amazing worship songs and humorous country music tunes and yes, hip-shaking pop music. My daughters will sing along at the top of their lungs with some songs and as parents, we are trying to be careful about what they are singing along at the top of their lungs. We were in the car the other day singing and dancing in our seats – as good church girls do – when it came to a point in the song where I felt the need for parental advisory volume drop. You know what I am saying – loud cough. My girls are not easily distracted though. They are very observant – VERY OBSERVANT. It causes me to stretch my creativity when trying to answer questions that are difficult and to also divert their attention from things to which I feel they are not ready to be exposed.
So I turn down the volume for a split second as the radio industry has stopped using filters and will play songs with explicit lyrics at any time of day. Awesome, right? We all know that music of our generation was not really any better about what they portrayed in their lyrics, but at least the radio stations or producers would release clean versions of songs to reach another audience.
Volume down. Volume up.
“Mom, why did you do that?”
“Well, there are words in this song that are bad words and I don’t want to hear them, nor do I want you to hear them.”
“Mom, why are their bad words? And why do people use them if they know they are bad words?”
Great questions! Here is a chance for me to exercise one of those lessons of the origin of something and how we make decisions about freedom of choice in this particular element of character.
I explain briefly the history of bad words and how they came to be and I explain that certain artists think that in order to be successful they must have that edge of shock value. I also take time to explain that all people from time to time struggle and sometimes slip and that they may hear these words in their everyday life from people they know, but it doesn’t mean that they are to use them.
“Yeah, even you mess up sometimes too, Mom.”
Insert face of horror. Although I know I am far, FAR from perfect, I am now aware that I let my guard down at some point where little ears were impressionable. What have I said? When did I say it? How often have they heard me say whatever it is that I said?
“Like sometimes when you and Daddy argue, you say the ‘S” word.”
Again, I am now flushed to the point of sweating. When did I say that? Gee golly, I must have been super flustered and angry. Oh, I have some clean-up work to do. This is another one of those moments where it is super fun to have “preacher kids.” I will go ahead and apologize to all of you who have already listened to our home life from my daughters who do not mind letting you know we are among the most normal families in the world – we are dysfunction. We are a part of the fallen world and we too, make mistakes.
“Oh sweetie, I am so sorry that Mommy got so upset that I failed to use proper words to speak to Daddy. That is not right. Even when I am sad or mad or frustrated, it is important that I use words that will not cause harm or leave wounds and those kinds of words are very harmful. I am sorry that I set that kind of example for you. Please, forgive me. I will try to improve that character flaw.”
“Oh mom, it’s ok. You can’t help it. You were only trying to get Daddy to quit talking so he would listen to you.”
There it is. Although slightly still embarrassed, I am now at a great place of relief. I had not said my dreaded “S” word. I had said her dreaded “S” word. She was referring to the unkind and often frowned upon for our children phrase – Shut Up! So my heart is no longer just crushed that I had allowed something completely through the filter, but at the same time, I had said something that she viewed as harmful and ugly. And really, it is. And really, that is important for me to respect and to show self-control. However, in the heat of a discussion, you typically do not hear someone in kindergarten teacher voice calmly say, “Be quiet please.”
So am I super mom? Obviously not. Do I argue with my husband making me a not so perfect wife? Yep, guilty. I am far from super or perfect anything. But I am learning every day what NOT to do so that my kids can have a better chance of being a better person than myself. My kids are under a completely different bubble of pressure as they have not only Jeremy and me as parents hovering as a label over their heads, but they also have the stereotype of preacher kids to defy. I’m not going to paint a picture that is not real for you. We are struggling sinners saved by grace. I hope that lets you know you are not alone. I also pray that you are learning alongside us as we continue this adventure called life. Little (and big) ears and eyes are watching and listening. They will mimic you in a heartbeat as they believe you would never lead them astray. Don’t miss that. They are counting on you to get them to your level properly armed for battle. Every word you say and every move you make…they are watching. (You hear that 80s song by the Police, don’t you?)
God is capable of helping you filter. However, self-discipline is just that, SELF-discipline. Be on your guard and always be ready. I know I am in need of practice and sharpening the sword today. May your day be disciplined and blessed!
If you have any kind of relationship with anybody, they are learning from you. They are either learning what you think is best and utilizing that in their decision making OR they are learning that decisions you make are NOT what are best and they are utilizing that in their decision making. There are many things that we do or say out of impulse and lack of filtering in the moment that are impactful on observing eyes and ears. It always amazes me when students that I have taught quote me or tell another student how I will react and what my expectations are. It gives me that feeling of, “wow, they are listening.”
Then there are days like one I had just a few days ago. (Insert humble head bowed) My family loves music, all kinds of music. We listen to amazing worship songs and humorous country music tunes and yes, hip-shaking pop music. My daughters will sing along at the top of their lungs with some songs and as parents, we are trying to be careful about what they are singing along at the top of their lungs. We were in the car the other day singing and dancing in our seats – as good church girls do – when it came to a point in the song where I felt the need for parental advisory volume drop. You know what I am saying – loud cough. My girls are not easily distracted though. They are very observant – VERY OBSERVANT. It causes me to stretch my creativity when trying to answer questions that are difficult and to also divert their attention from things to which I feel they are not ready to be exposed.
So I turn down the volume for a split second as the radio industry has stopped using filters and will play songs with explicit lyrics at any time of day. Awesome, right? We all know that music of our generation was not really any better about what they portrayed in their lyrics, but at least the radio stations or producers would release clean versions of songs to reach another audience.
Volume down. Volume up.
“Mom, why did you do that?”
“Well, there are words in this song that are bad words and I don’t want to hear them, nor do I want you to hear them.”
“Mom, why are their bad words? And why do people use them if they know they are bad words?”
Great questions! Here is a chance for me to exercise one of those lessons of the origin of something and how we make decisions about freedom of choice in this particular element of character.
I explain briefly the history of bad words and how they came to be and I explain that certain artists think that in order to be successful they must have that edge of shock value. I also take time to explain that all people from time to time struggle and sometimes slip and that they may hear these words in their everyday life from people they know, but it doesn’t mean that they are to use them.
“Yeah, even you mess up sometimes too, Mom.”
“Like sometimes when you and Daddy argue, you say the ‘S” word.”
“Oh sweetie, I am so sorry that Mommy got so upset that I failed to use proper words to speak to Daddy. That is not right. Even when I am sad or mad or frustrated, it is important that I use words that will not cause harm or leave wounds and those kinds of words are very harmful. I am sorry that I set that kind of example for you. Please, forgive me. I will try to improve that character flaw.”
“Oh mom, it’s ok. You can’t help it. You were only trying to get Daddy to quit talking so he would listen to you.”
There it is. Although slightly still embarrassed, I am now at a great place of relief. I had not said my dreaded “S” word. I had said her dreaded “S” word. She was referring to the unkind and often frowned upon for our children phrase – Shut Up! So my heart is no longer just crushed that I had allowed something completely through the filter, but at the same time, I had said something that she viewed as harmful and ugly. And really, it is. And really, that is important for me to respect and to show self-control. However, in the heat of a discussion, you typically do not hear someone in kindergarten teacher voice calmly say, “Be quiet please.”
So am I super mom? Obviously not. Do I argue with my husband making me a not so perfect wife? Yep, guilty. I am far from super or perfect anything. But I am learning every day what NOT to do so that my kids can have a better chance of being a better person than myself. My kids are under a completely different bubble of pressure as they have not only Jeremy and me as parents hovering as a label over their heads, but they also have the stereotype of preacher kids to defy. I’m not going to paint a picture that is not real for you. We are struggling sinners saved by grace. I hope that lets you know you are not alone. I also pray that you are learning alongside us as we continue this adventure called life. Little (and big) ears and eyes are watching and listening. They will mimic you in a heartbeat as they believe you would never lead them astray. Don’t miss that. They are counting on you to get them to your level properly armed for battle. Every word you say and every move you make…they are watching. (You hear that 80s song by the Police, don’t you?)
God is capable of helping you filter. However, self-discipline is just that, SELF-discipline. Be on your guard and always be ready. I know I am in need of practice and sharpening the sword today. May your day be disciplined and blessed!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Never Thought About It That Way
As I have emerged into adulthood (because I like to think it was just recently – bwahahahahaha), I have had a perspective change on many things. We all do. Let me remind you of some of them.
1. When we are little children, we think our parents are genius and invincible. Then there is that awkward era of our lives called adolescence where we temporarily feel that we are the ones who are all knowing and invincible. As adulthood begins to settle into our being, we return back to the awareness that our parents are genius. However, there is a subtle understanding that though their intelligence is invaluable, their fragility is to be respected and protected with your strength.
2. Thrill rides are still so much fun, but watching my children enjoy things of this nature for the first time far exceeds the thrill the actual activity brings me. Do you remember your parents looking at you with that reflective grin? You do it now.
3. I now know that I do not hate to read. I hate to read something that I didn’t have the choice in reading. So that was my problem in school. Half of the great classics that I was forced to read for Honors English are so much more enjoyable NOW as I have chosen to take them off the shelf of my own free will and not because it was a make-or-break-the-grade decision. And now, I see even more the great life lessons that are illustrated in many of the classic pieces that I refused to see before as I just grumbled and huffed about the waste of time I thought they were. (Sorry Great English teachers!) I even named my first dog after marriage Scout because of To Kill a Mockingbird.
4. Vegetables are not good for you. Vegetables are necessary for you. I was that awful child who would sit at the table for an hour and not eat that which was on my plate. As I have advanced in my years, I have come to the realization that a well-balanced diet doesn’t just help me have a healthier life, it helps me just feel better all around. I’m trying to do better with my kiddos. I’m not perfect, but trying!
This list could go on and on for an entire book…and maybe it will one day…but the biggest change in perspective that I wanted to point out is the pulling back of the curtain. You see, I was a typical American child/teen/person. I spent quite a bit of time taking things for granted. I even still find myself wrapped up in a trust in things that are actually a luxury. And the other biggie is the unfortunate behavior that I have adopted as an American that the things that I have are expected and, dare I say it, deserved.
Not only am I to have a roof over my head, but that roof is to keep all the elements away, meaning it is not to leak or to have any weakness. Not only am I to have 4 walls to keep me protected, they are also to be insulated so that the temperature created by my electrically induced CENTRAL HEAT AND AIR UNIT will be regulated so that I am always comfortable. AND when I am slightly uncomfortable – you know those ever so often moments of chill or hot flash – I can simply press a button and adjust the atmosphere of my little (often large) habitat. Oh yeah, and more often than not, I have experienced the comfort of flooring that is conducive to my needs – hard floors that are easy to clean or soft floors that are cushy to my bare feet.
I have an automobile that has powered windows and seats. My car is a mobile NASA command center. It also has the luxury of climate control like my home, but it even goes to the extra luxury of allowing my guests in my car to adjust their climate to be different from me as the driver. My passenger and I can even quicken our warming process on a cold morning by allowing our seats to become heated without becoming engulfed in flames. My automobile will communicate with satellites outside and out-of-sight to assist me in navigation AND to give me an even larger assortment of listening enjoyment.
I will stop with those two to tell you that my perspective has not changed to be wowed by all of the luxuries, although I am easily wowed. My perspective has changed as time sometimes allows me to pause and realize it is not man who makes it all happen. You see, the man who created the assembly line (Henry Ford) was able to create such a revolutionary invention because the Creator allowed him the ability to envision such an innovation. Everything that has been created or advanced or introduced or improved has been done so by a being that was created by the ultimate Creator. God did not let Moses go into the Promise land and walk amongst this great beauty, but He did let him see it from afar. Think about how much God has allowed man to now walk amongst. It is mind boggling.
God allowed someone to see the wheat plant and make a decision to crush it into a powder…AND combine it with liquid…AND take this new mush dough and apply heat to it for a certain amount of time creating one of the greatest and oldest blessings to the human appetite – BREAD.
God allowed someone to take certain plants and animal material and WEAVE it into a durable creation that was then sewn (still using plant fiber) into a design that actually fit around the human body providing not only protection from the elements, but also levels of COMFORT and WARMTH. How many different weights of jackets do you have? Someone figured out which combinations of fabrics provide the greatest comfort for lounging – I LOVE FLEECY PANTS! Even recently this has become all the more real to me as I watch my eldest daughter learn to knit. The pattern that she is being taught was passed down by many different generations. Somewhere in history, God allowed someone to develop this pattern of durable intertwining of thread that has maintained and evolved into machines that were created by man to mimic the pattern in mass production! What? AMAZING!
Here is the biggest to me. God allowed man to look behind the curtain at His greatest creation – the human body. Do you understand how much of that we take for granted? You can take allergy medicine because someone figured out that there are elements in our environment that cause the body to have allergic reactions. Not only were they able to identify what elements cause these bodily reactions, they also figured out what combination of chemicals can be infused into the body that strengthens the body’s ability to defend against these reactions. God allows man to develop and use machines to actually LOOK INSIDE the human body without cutting it open! God allows man the knowledge of how do perform surgeries for life-threatening measures. God has even allowed man to tamper with the rhythm of the human bodies rest pattern in order to allow a person to sleep through surgical procedures AND allowed man the wisdom to know how much anesthesia is needed to enable the body to wake up after the procedure is over. I could go on and on about what God has allowed us to see and to know.
It is so humbling and so awe inspiring. I find myself acutely aware that we, that I could be like Moses. We could know of great things, but not truly be able to experience them. So many people on this earth do not have the same luxuries that we have in America and I know that it is by the grace of God that I was born here during this time in our existence. When you change your awareness of where you are and what you have, it changes your entire demeanor. When you change your demeanor, you can change the course of your day. When you change the development of your day, you can affect others and change the perspective of their day. When they change, they affect others and a ripple occurs.
God has pulled the curtain back on SO MUCH. I am so thankful for what he has allowed us to see and to experience. May the exposure you are allowed to have of His creation today give you a fresh perspective on who He is and who you are.
1. When we are little children, we think our parents are genius and invincible. Then there is that awkward era of our lives called adolescence where we temporarily feel that we are the ones who are all knowing and invincible. As adulthood begins to settle into our being, we return back to the awareness that our parents are genius. However, there is a subtle understanding that though their intelligence is invaluable, their fragility is to be respected and protected with your strength.
4. Vegetables are not good for you. Vegetables are necessary for you. I was that awful child who would sit at the table for an hour and not eat that which was on my plate. As I have advanced in my years, I have come to the realization that a well-balanced diet doesn’t just help me have a healthier life, it helps me just feel better all around. I’m trying to do better with my kiddos. I’m not perfect, but trying!
This list could go on and on for an entire book…and maybe it will one day…but the biggest change in perspective that I wanted to point out is the pulling back of the curtain. You see, I was a typical American child/teen/person. I spent quite a bit of time taking things for granted. I even still find myself wrapped up in a trust in things that are actually a luxury. And the other biggie is the unfortunate behavior that I have adopted as an American that the things that I have are expected and, dare I say it, deserved.
Not only am I to have a roof over my head, but that roof is to keep all the elements away, meaning it is not to leak or to have any weakness. Not only am I to have 4 walls to keep me protected, they are also to be insulated so that the temperature created by my electrically induced CENTRAL HEAT AND AIR UNIT will be regulated so that I am always comfortable. AND when I am slightly uncomfortable – you know those ever so often moments of chill or hot flash – I can simply press a button and adjust the atmosphere of my little (often large) habitat. Oh yeah, and more often than not, I have experienced the comfort of flooring that is conducive to my needs – hard floors that are easy to clean or soft floors that are cushy to my bare feet.
I have an automobile that has powered windows and seats. My car is a mobile NASA command center. It also has the luxury of climate control like my home, but it even goes to the extra luxury of allowing my guests in my car to adjust their climate to be different from me as the driver. My passenger and I can even quicken our warming process on a cold morning by allowing our seats to become heated without becoming engulfed in flames. My automobile will communicate with satellites outside and out-of-sight to assist me in navigation AND to give me an even larger assortment of listening enjoyment.
I will stop with those two to tell you that my perspective has not changed to be wowed by all of the luxuries, although I am easily wowed. My perspective has changed as time sometimes allows me to pause and realize it is not man who makes it all happen. You see, the man who created the assembly line (Henry Ford) was able to create such a revolutionary invention because the Creator allowed him the ability to envision such an innovation. Everything that has been created or advanced or introduced or improved has been done so by a being that was created by the ultimate Creator. God did not let Moses go into the Promise land and walk amongst this great beauty, but He did let him see it from afar. Think about how much God has allowed man to now walk amongst. It is mind boggling.
God allowed someone to see the wheat plant and make a decision to crush it into a powder…AND combine it with liquid…AND take this new mush dough and apply heat to it for a certain amount of time creating one of the greatest and oldest blessings to the human appetite – BREAD.
God allowed someone to take certain plants and animal material and WEAVE it into a durable creation that was then sewn (still using plant fiber) into a design that actually fit around the human body providing not only protection from the elements, but also levels of COMFORT and WARMTH. How many different weights of jackets do you have? Someone figured out which combinations of fabrics provide the greatest comfort for lounging – I LOVE FLEECY PANTS! Even recently this has become all the more real to me as I watch my eldest daughter learn to knit. The pattern that she is being taught was passed down by many different generations. Somewhere in history, God allowed someone to develop this pattern of durable intertwining of thread that has maintained and evolved into machines that were created by man to mimic the pattern in mass production! What? AMAZING!
Here is the biggest to me. God allowed man to look behind the curtain at His greatest creation – the human body. Do you understand how much of that we take for granted? You can take allergy medicine because someone figured out that there are elements in our environment that cause the body to have allergic reactions. Not only were they able to identify what elements cause these bodily reactions, they also figured out what combination of chemicals can be infused into the body that strengthens the body’s ability to defend against these reactions. God allows man to develop and use machines to actually LOOK INSIDE the human body without cutting it open! God allows man the knowledge of how do perform surgeries for life-threatening measures. God has even allowed man to tamper with the rhythm of the human bodies rest pattern in order to allow a person to sleep through surgical procedures AND allowed man the wisdom to know how much anesthesia is needed to enable the body to wake up after the procedure is over. I could go on and on about what God has allowed us to see and to know.
God has pulled the curtain back on SO MUCH. I am so thankful for what he has allowed us to see and to experience. May the exposure you are allowed to have of His creation today give you a fresh perspective on who He is and who you are.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Lewis & Seuss
People I will Hug When I Get to Heaven
Of course there is an enormous list of people that I long to wrap my arms around in a joyous embrace of gratitude and relief when I finally am allowed to be in the presence of the Most High, but there are some that are beyond the accepted norm. All of my family, and I mean way back in my family lineage, will be among those I hug and jump up and down with as we are seeing Jesus face-to-face together. Yes, I believe that the same enthusiasm we express when we see a celebrity (insert images of teenage girls for Elvis, Beetles, NKOTB, and Justin Timberlake) will be expressed when we see the GREAT I AM. Think about it! You are going to finally see Jesus right before your eyes. Sometimes that creates in me the exact same energy I have when I cannot wait for Christmas to get here! Squeal!!
This leads me to the list of others. C.S. Lewis is one that I will hug and thank for his faithfulness to share his faith through his brilliant mind in not only his writings depicting his conversion to Christianity, but also the writings of the Chronicles of Narnia that are so masterfully authored to reveal the simplicity of faith through the actions and adventures of children. Thank you C.S. Lewis! Always winter, and never Christmas! What kind of a world would that be? Not our world. For a babe was born to a virgin, and allowed his life to be taken instead of the wicked so that there would be a Christmas – there would be reason to celebrate. The sacrifice of Aslan was the sacrifice of your savior – he died so that we do not have to die, but we can live forever with him. We celebrate Christmas because of the gift that was given to us and the punishment from which we were pardoned and protected.
I LOVE CHRISTMAS. Which brings me to another person that I will hug tightly – Theodor Seuss Geisel! I am a mom, so the whole concept of reading children’s books is just a given, but I am also a teacher and am always looking at the underlying meaning or the theme of the story I am reading my children or allowing them to read. Last night, I had an early Christmas in July. I sat down and read with my kiddo the wonderful How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Oh the story is so brilliantly written with just the cuteness of prose that Seuss presents in all of his writings, but the story’s theme is unmistakable to those of us who BELIEVE! Makes me giddy like a child. Talk about therapy – just go read a good children’s book and you will be smiling again!
“Christmas doesn’t come from a store, maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more!” – says the Grinch
Ah! I LOVE IT! Thank you so much for that! Do you know what that means for me? So many things! Because of this writing, I can communicate with my children the actual meaning of Christmas. Because of this writing and Lewis’ writing, we can communicate with others the true gospel in a hidden message through classic children’s literature! I can show that those who are bitter and jealous and sad can be touched and CHANGED by those who are celebratory of the Giver of Life. And those who are bitter and jealous and sad can be accepted by others. Genius!
Others I will hug, well that list is super long and may be in another post, but these two guys – I love them so! Thank you for using your talents to honor your Creator and utilizing your platform to speak truth!
You know you are itching to go read one of these stories all over again. Turn the TV off tonight and curl up with one of these authors. You will be glad that you did as your heart will be filled with joy and hope!
Of course there is an enormous list of people that I long to wrap my arms around in a joyous embrace of gratitude and relief when I finally am allowed to be in the presence of the Most High, but there are some that are beyond the accepted norm. All of my family, and I mean way back in my family lineage, will be among those I hug and jump up and down with as we are seeing Jesus face-to-face together. Yes, I believe that the same enthusiasm we express when we see a celebrity (insert images of teenage girls for Elvis, Beetles, NKOTB, and Justin Timberlake) will be expressed when we see the GREAT I AM. Think about it! You are going to finally see Jesus right before your eyes. Sometimes that creates in me the exact same energy I have when I cannot wait for Christmas to get here! Squeal!!
This leads me to the list of others. C.S. Lewis is one that I will hug and thank for his faithfulness to share his faith through his brilliant mind in not only his writings depicting his conversion to Christianity, but also the writings of the Chronicles of Narnia that are so masterfully authored to reveal the simplicity of faith through the actions and adventures of children. Thank you C.S. Lewis! Always winter, and never Christmas! What kind of a world would that be? Not our world. For a babe was born to a virgin, and allowed his life to be taken instead of the wicked so that there would be a Christmas – there would be reason to celebrate. The sacrifice of Aslan was the sacrifice of your savior – he died so that we do not have to die, but we can live forever with him. We celebrate Christmas because of the gift that was given to us and the punishment from which we were pardoned and protected.
I LOVE CHRISTMAS. Which brings me to another person that I will hug tightly – Theodor Seuss Geisel! I am a mom, so the whole concept of reading children’s books is just a given, but I am also a teacher and am always looking at the underlying meaning or the theme of the story I am reading my children or allowing them to read. Last night, I had an early Christmas in July. I sat down and read with my kiddo the wonderful How the Grinch Stole Christmas! Oh the story is so brilliantly written with just the cuteness of prose that Seuss presents in all of his writings, but the story’s theme is unmistakable to those of us who BELIEVE! Makes me giddy like a child. Talk about therapy – just go read a good children’s book and you will be smiling again!
Ah! I LOVE IT! Thank you so much for that! Do you know what that means for me? So many things! Because of this writing, I can communicate with my children the actual meaning of Christmas. Because of this writing and Lewis’ writing, we can communicate with others the true gospel in a hidden message through classic children’s literature! I can show that those who are bitter and jealous and sad can be touched and CHANGED by those who are celebratory of the Giver of Life. And those who are bitter and jealous and sad can be accepted by others. Genius!
Others I will hug, well that list is super long and may be in another post, but these two guys – I love them so! Thank you for using your talents to honor your Creator and utilizing your platform to speak truth!
You know you are itching to go read one of these stories all over again. Turn the TV off tonight and curl up with one of these authors. You will be glad that you did as your heart will be filled with joy and hope!
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Bob White
Bob White. Bob White. Bob White.
As I sit here this morning, I hear it over and over again and I am quite tearful. You see, this morning, I sit at my Father’s feet begging for some sort of sign that He is hearing me and will take care of me during a small storm my family is encountering. I sit and I beg and I finally say to Him, I will sit still and listen if you will just speak to me.
Do you ever have those moments? A time where you feel like you have faithfully been laying a request at the throne and trusting that He will hear your plea and will give you some sort of direction as to where to move? A time where you feel that you have been patient, and then the patience is beginning to turn into anxiety? And even then, it isn’t anxiety in a lack of trust of the One who will deliver you through all weaknesses, but an anxiety that you have failed to do something you should’ve done? Anxiety that you are doing something wrong? Anxiety that you missed a step in the path and need to go back and make it right? Do you know that feeling?
Well, that is where I am, and where I have been for about a week now. I am totally believing that God will provide for me exactly what I need, and more importantly, what my family needs. I believe that. Yet, I never want to be someone who is idle in their duration between petitions to the Father and receiving of His blessing. I never want to appear as though I am deserving of ANYTHING, so to not be actively in pursuit or working while waiting is out of the question. But today, I found myself a little discouraged.
Still reading Isaiah, and well, let me just tell ya, today’s passage was all sorts of fun (sarcasm). Chapter 22 is Isaiah’s prophecy about Jerusalem – you know, God’s CHOSEN people. In this chapter, Isaiah proclaims to them (paraphrase)
You see that you are not prepared for battle or for defense. So you work hard to begin making preparation for the impending doom. You make actions and recruitments and adjustments in order to be more prepared…but you never rely on the strength of the One who can deliver you.
I feel like I do rely on the Lord, but I also know that He had me read that for a reason today. There is no mistaking to His word, and there is no mistaking to His timing. He spoke. I am apparently in a tizzy and didn’t realize how anxious I was until today. Then, I close the Word, and I tell Him I am listening.
Bob White. Bob White. Bob White.
Oh God, thank you for quiet mornings and the masterpiece of Creation that is so audible and LOUD for me. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for a quiet morning of solitude. Thank you. Thank you.
The area of the country where I now life has been inundated with torrential rain. We have been here 21 days now and I believe it has rained at least 16 of the past 21 days. No, I am not in the Pacific Northwest, but I have asked if anyone has seen Noah somewhere in a field cutting timber. After every storm, God uses Creation to communicate with one another that the storm is actually over for a time. All the vocal animals come out of hiding and begin calling to one another, “the coast is clear. Time to dry off. Did you make it?”
After every batch of rain we have had through the past few weeks, there has been the unmistakable call of the quail or the Bob White birds to each other in the fields. It is so peaceful and assuring, but even more so is it amazing. We sit in our homes with sturdy walls and trusted roofs (built by man) and often find ourselves sometimes afraid of storms. This morning, I find myself ashamed and embarrassed. As I sit in my air conditioned shelter, the bobwhite proclaims their praise to the Almighty for another day as they endured the storm head-on out in the very elements of the downpour and furniture scattering wind. The storm passes, and they vocalize their praise.
My storm is so miniscule when I consider what they witness out there. So today, I say Amen, even though it is still raining in my world. I say Amen. I say Bob White.
Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs. If you don’t know it, go YouTube it.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
As I sit here this morning, I hear it over and over again and I am quite tearful. You see, this morning, I sit at my Father’s feet begging for some sort of sign that He is hearing me and will take care of me during a small storm my family is encountering. I sit and I beg and I finally say to Him, I will sit still and listen if you will just speak to me.
Do you ever have those moments? A time where you feel like you have faithfully been laying a request at the throne and trusting that He will hear your plea and will give you some sort of direction as to where to move? A time where you feel that you have been patient, and then the patience is beginning to turn into anxiety? And even then, it isn’t anxiety in a lack of trust of the One who will deliver you through all weaknesses, but an anxiety that you have failed to do something you should’ve done? Anxiety that you are doing something wrong? Anxiety that you missed a step in the path and need to go back and make it right? Do you know that feeling?
Well, that is where I am, and where I have been for about a week now. I am totally believing that God will provide for me exactly what I need, and more importantly, what my family needs. I believe that. Yet, I never want to be someone who is idle in their duration between petitions to the Father and receiving of His blessing. I never want to appear as though I am deserving of ANYTHING, so to not be actively in pursuit or working while waiting is out of the question. But today, I found myself a little discouraged.
Still reading Isaiah, and well, let me just tell ya, today’s passage was all sorts of fun (sarcasm). Chapter 22 is Isaiah’s prophecy about Jerusalem – you know, God’s CHOSEN people. In this chapter, Isaiah proclaims to them (paraphrase)
You see that you are not prepared for battle or for defense. So you work hard to begin making preparation for the impending doom. You make actions and recruitments and adjustments in order to be more prepared…but you never rely on the strength of the One who can deliver you.
I feel like I do rely on the Lord, but I also know that He had me read that for a reason today. There is no mistaking to His word, and there is no mistaking to His timing. He spoke. I am apparently in a tizzy and didn’t realize how anxious I was until today. Then, I close the Word, and I tell Him I am listening.
Bob White. Bob White. Bob White.
Oh God, thank you for quiet mornings and the masterpiece of Creation that is so audible and LOUD for me. Thank you for speaking to me. Thank you for a quiet morning of solitude. Thank you. Thank you.
The area of the country where I now life has been inundated with torrential rain. We have been here 21 days now and I believe it has rained at least 16 of the past 21 days. No, I am not in the Pacific Northwest, but I have asked if anyone has seen Noah somewhere in a field cutting timber. After every storm, God uses Creation to communicate with one another that the storm is actually over for a time. All the vocal animals come out of hiding and begin calling to one another, “the coast is clear. Time to dry off. Did you make it?”
After every batch of rain we have had through the past few weeks, there has been the unmistakable call of the quail or the Bob White birds to each other in the fields. It is so peaceful and assuring, but even more so is it amazing. We sit in our homes with sturdy walls and trusted roofs (built by man) and often find ourselves sometimes afraid of storms. This morning, I find myself ashamed and embarrassed. As I sit in my air conditioned shelter, the bobwhite proclaims their praise to the Almighty for another day as they endured the storm head-on out in the very elements of the downpour and furniture scattering wind. The storm passes, and they vocalize their praise.
My storm is so miniscule when I consider what they witness out there. So today, I say Amen, even though it is still raining in my world. I say Amen. I say Bob White.
Here are the lyrics to one of my favorite Casting Crowns songs. If you don’t know it, go YouTube it.
I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
Friday, June 27, 2014
I Don't Do Debbie Downer
Confession for you all – and this is so that you can pray for me instead of judge me. (Insert scowling eyes for the judgment followed by Precious Moment eyes for the plea of prayer) I am a counselor in many regards, but I am flawed. Here is my biggest flaw in this area. I struggle with people who always see the cup half empty and are nothing but pessimistic and negative. I truly struggle with it.
Now Jodi, you know that not everyone has had a great life as you have had – you may say. Absolutely. My heart wrenches daily in the occupation as public school educator as I encounter day in and day out those children who are in situations that THEY DID NOT CHOOSE. That makes me so sad and mad at the same time. They have had no choice into the life situation in which they were born, but it has happened.
Nevertheless, I feel that it is my job to open those children’s eyes to what is good so that they can have hope. Yes, I have led a student to Christ before in public school and I will do it again if the child point blank asks me to. God knows the rules and He graciously helped me obey them while still winning souls for His kingdom. Good stuff. Another day another story. Many students enter into my classroom with behaviors that are the result of a tragedy. They are hungry. They had a fight with their mom that morning. They were abused by someone the night before. They have lost power at their house and as a result took a cold shower. They do not have running water. They have a medical condition that is not being properly treated either out of absence of funds or neglect. They don’t even live with either parent because those parents are unable to raise them. I cannot tell you how many students I have had over the past few years that were not being raised by grandparents, but by GREAT grandparents. Any of you ready to take that on? Of course not. Great-grandparents should be enjoying that title – GREAT. They have passed through the challenge of parenting phase and are now in another stage of life that is not focused on constant management of child development.
But there is good. There is good. And I strive to help these kids find the good. And believe it or not, we almost always do. Goodness in the fact that someone is raising them. Goodness in the fact that they will get 2 warm meals today at school and probably a snack from me for the road. Goodness in that they are able to get an education and rise above the challenges they are immersed. Goodness in the beauty of a sunset with which they have eyes to see. Goodness in friendships that they have from loyal buddies. Goodness in heat. Goodness in shoes. We count blessings. Do you?
This is where I struggle in counseling. I find it ok to work through the cloudy vision of a child. They are not mature enough to see what is good or they haven’t had a chance to have someone mentor them through this process. But adults who wallow in “woe is me” world make me crazy. Crazy. I mean really, you survived middle school and high school. That is enough to hear the Rocky song playing in the background each morning you get up. If you see me in deep thought, there is no telling what is going on in that vast open space up there in my skull, but I often find myself wondering why people are happy in victimization. DON’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO HAVE?
List what you do have compared to others.
1. Are you breathing? If you are reading this, than yes. Even deeper, are you breathing without the assistance of oxygen? Are you breathing clean air? Are you breathing with full lung capacity?
2. Do you live in America? If you didn’t read yesterday’s blog, than this might catch you off guard. However, you still live in one of the few countries that allows freedom of religion and assembly.
3. Do you have a roof? Yep, one up on many there.
4. Did you eat yesterday? Again, better than most in the world.
5. Do you have an option for clothes? Go visit a 3rd world country and see not only absence of clothing options, but absence of shoes and absence of warmth.
6. Did you go to a job or to school today or yesterday? Ok, not everyone loves their job, but you are getting paid aren’t you? More than many.
7. Did you go to public school in America? That was free. Did you actually appreciate that given? I hope so.
8. Do you still have contact with family members? Even though they may drive you crazy, be thankful they are there.
9. Do you have a friend? Awesome. If you have more than one, than get up and do a hallelujah dance.
10. Do you have indoor plumbing?
11. Do you have running water?
12. Do you have electricity?
13. Do you have a car? Does your family have more than one car?
14. Can you put gas in that car occasionally?
15. Did you have covers as you slept? Did you have a place to sleep last night?
16. Do you have a coat for the winter?
17. Here are some more luxurious amenities – do you have a fridge? A stove/oven? A microwave? A dishwasher? A washer? A dryer? A TV…or 2 or more? A computer? A cell phone…or 2?
18. Do you have group to belong to? A church? An organization? A club?
19. Can you walk and/or run?
20. Can you communicate with others without complications?
Do you see what I am saying? I don’t know how we can find ourselves in the pit of despair for long periods of time if we actually take a look at all that we have to be thankful for. Listing your blessings has always been something that people debate. Some people see it as vain and conceited. I see it as awareness for who you are, where you have come, and what your future can be.
Satan has spent the past few weeks seeking to discourage my family and provide a pit of despair. If we fall into the pit, than he wins and we stop being effective for the kingdom. I refuse. I have lost my mom, nearly lost my husband (more than once), lost a child, been in financially challenging situations, survived car wrecks, been unemployed, diagnosed with not cool medical conditions, worked in extremely challenging environments, battled weight issues, struggled in school, had regrets, and so on and so on. Today, I have so much – still much more than I know I deserve. When you find yourself wondering what else can happen or why me, than begin your list of why you – who has so much and what else have you been blessed with? Start your list. I guarantee you won’t be able to finish it today or on one piece of paper. Why you? Because your story is one that is being written so that others are inspired and encouraged. Why you? Because you are amazing and uniquely designed by your creator with a purpose. Why you? As you start the list, the story will unfold.
Shed the Debbie Downer and find Penelope Praise.
Now Jodi, you know that not everyone has had a great life as you have had – you may say. Absolutely. My heart wrenches daily in the occupation as public school educator as I encounter day in and day out those children who are in situations that THEY DID NOT CHOOSE. That makes me so sad and mad at the same time. They have had no choice into the life situation in which they were born, but it has happened.
Nevertheless, I feel that it is my job to open those children’s eyes to what is good so that they can have hope. Yes, I have led a student to Christ before in public school and I will do it again if the child point blank asks me to. God knows the rules and He graciously helped me obey them while still winning souls for His kingdom. Good stuff. Another day another story. Many students enter into my classroom with behaviors that are the result of a tragedy. They are hungry. They had a fight with their mom that morning. They were abused by someone the night before. They have lost power at their house and as a result took a cold shower. They do not have running water. They have a medical condition that is not being properly treated either out of absence of funds or neglect. They don’t even live with either parent because those parents are unable to raise them. I cannot tell you how many students I have had over the past few years that were not being raised by grandparents, but by GREAT grandparents. Any of you ready to take that on? Of course not. Great-grandparents should be enjoying that title – GREAT. They have passed through the challenge of parenting phase and are now in another stage of life that is not focused on constant management of child development.
But there is good. There is good. And I strive to help these kids find the good. And believe it or not, we almost always do. Goodness in the fact that someone is raising them. Goodness in the fact that they will get 2 warm meals today at school and probably a snack from me for the road. Goodness in that they are able to get an education and rise above the challenges they are immersed. Goodness in the beauty of a sunset with which they have eyes to see. Goodness in friendships that they have from loyal buddies. Goodness in heat. Goodness in shoes. We count blessings. Do you?
This is where I struggle in counseling. I find it ok to work through the cloudy vision of a child. They are not mature enough to see what is good or they haven’t had a chance to have someone mentor them through this process. But adults who wallow in “woe is me” world make me crazy. Crazy. I mean really, you survived middle school and high school. That is enough to hear the Rocky song playing in the background each morning you get up. If you see me in deep thought, there is no telling what is going on in that vast open space up there in my skull, but I often find myself wondering why people are happy in victimization. DON’T YOU SEE WHAT YOU DO HAVE?
List what you do have compared to others.
1. Are you breathing? If you are reading this, than yes. Even deeper, are you breathing without the assistance of oxygen? Are you breathing clean air? Are you breathing with full lung capacity?
2. Do you live in America? If you didn’t read yesterday’s blog, than this might catch you off guard. However, you still live in one of the few countries that allows freedom of religion and assembly.
3. Do you have a roof? Yep, one up on many there.
4. Did you eat yesterday? Again, better than most in the world.
5. Do you have an option for clothes? Go visit a 3rd world country and see not only absence of clothing options, but absence of shoes and absence of warmth.
6. Did you go to a job or to school today or yesterday? Ok, not everyone loves their job, but you are getting paid aren’t you? More than many.
7. Did you go to public school in America? That was free. Did you actually appreciate that given? I hope so.
8. Do you still have contact with family members? Even though they may drive you crazy, be thankful they are there.
9. Do you have a friend? Awesome. If you have more than one, than get up and do a hallelujah dance.
10. Do you have indoor plumbing?
11. Do you have running water?
12. Do you have electricity?
13. Do you have a car? Does your family have more than one car?
14. Can you put gas in that car occasionally?
15. Did you have covers as you slept? Did you have a place to sleep last night?
16. Do you have a coat for the winter?
17. Here are some more luxurious amenities – do you have a fridge? A stove/oven? A microwave? A dishwasher? A washer? A dryer? A TV…or 2 or more? A computer? A cell phone…or 2?
18. Do you have group to belong to? A church? An organization? A club?
19. Can you walk and/or run?
20. Can you communicate with others without complications?
Do you see what I am saying? I don’t know how we can find ourselves in the pit of despair for long periods of time if we actually take a look at all that we have to be thankful for. Listing your blessings has always been something that people debate. Some people see it as vain and conceited. I see it as awareness for who you are, where you have come, and what your future can be.
Satan has spent the past few weeks seeking to discourage my family and provide a pit of despair. If we fall into the pit, than he wins and we stop being effective for the kingdom. I refuse. I have lost my mom, nearly lost my husband (more than once), lost a child, been in financially challenging situations, survived car wrecks, been unemployed, diagnosed with not cool medical conditions, worked in extremely challenging environments, battled weight issues, struggled in school, had regrets, and so on and so on. Today, I have so much – still much more than I know I deserve. When you find yourself wondering what else can happen or why me, than begin your list of why you – who has so much and what else have you been blessed with? Start your list. I guarantee you won’t be able to finish it today or on one piece of paper. Why you? Because your story is one that is being written so that others are inspired and encouraged. Why you? Because you are amazing and uniquely designed by your creator with a purpose. Why you? As you start the list, the story will unfold.
Shed the Debbie Downer and find Penelope Praise.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Our Can of Whoopin' is a Comin'
Oh great nation, how we are in a great state of decline. There are instances in our lives that happen and catch us completely off guard. I am a planner and find myself constantly observing and trying to prepare for things before they take captive areas of my life. Yet, sometimes we are slow in the progression to the demise and the final straw is crippling. Granted there are some things you just simply cannot prepare for. A drunk driver. Cancer. Natural disaster. But most things, we have been given the wisdom to prepare for.
For instance, debt. You can prepare for this. You can prepare by saving for upcoming expense. You can prepare by having an emergency stash for the other unexpected life expenses (emergency room, new tires, transmission, unexpected travel expenses, etc.)
Illness – striving to maintain cleanliness of your home, cleanliness of you, limited exposure to dangerous material – in work and in leisure, dietary choices, exercise – these are ways in which you can seek to minimize medical complexities
Conflict – Decipher the demeanor of the person you are communicating with in order to utilize the best communication strategies, determine the necessity of your comment (sometimes we speak out of selfishness), willingness to communicate and not have a one-sided conversation, THINK before you speak – Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
Car repair – keep gas in your car, change the oil, balance and rotate tires, change tires, change filters, etc.
Home repair – clean inside and outside, change air filters, maintain proper insulation, protect from infestation, prepare for proper drainage, etc.
Then there are other instances in life that are seen as the unnatural disasters. I am speaking out of a concerned citizen, not a particular party representative, so before you shut me out; know that both parties are corrupt in my opinion. Each election has become the choice of the lesser of two evils.
Our nation was originated through the ambition of citizens of another land seeking to escape authoritarian tyranny. Our nation was originally a conglomerate of many different people groups (meaning we have NEVER been just one ethnic group), all with the similar desires. They wanted to live in an area where they had the opportunity to choose their economic practices. They wanted to live in a land where they could develop their own governmental standards. They wanted to live away from forced religious dictation. They wanted to explore and discover and seek to grow in knowledge AND possession. Make no mistake, the original intent of our nation’s beginnings was humble, but there was still just a smidge of corruption even back then. So often the argument of the conservative is that we must return to our roots and the visions of the founding fathers. Again, don’t misunderstand me. My educational focus for most of my life has been social science which investigates the origin of not only our country, but also the rise and fall of all great people groups. There is a key word in that last sentence – fall.
As I said before, there was corruption even in the early 1500s and 1600s. Not everyone who came to our country was in pursuit of Christian freedom and promotion of the common welfare. There were selfish and greedy conquistadors that invaded Florida, the Gulf of Mexico, and Texas. There were aggressive French and English who assumed the native inhabitants were ignorant and needed to be tamed and realigned. And those who came for innocent pursuit of a new life, well let’s just say that their strength was challenged and their ideals questioned.
Fast forward to the late 1700s where there is stability and a collected alliance under one country with the 13 colonies all under the rule of one King. The American Revolution was truly remarkable and shook not only the great kingdom of England, but caused a tremor that altered structure around the world. The very idea that common citizens could rise up against the government and challenge the government and overtake the government was unheard of. Yet, it happened. And it spawned riots, rebellions, and revolutions across the globe for centuries to come.
We do need to know that the colonists were not seen as excellent law-abiding citizens throughout the world though. The colonists received freebies for years as inhabitants of the new world – free military protection, free trade agreements, free provisions of supplies and materials (tax-free that is). Then, all of the sudden, our little group of colonies began receiving notification that it was time to contribute to the pot that was being redistributed back to them. In other words, a series of taxes began to be dumped on the colonists causing confusion, anger, rage, and bitterness. Now granted, some of these new taxes AND restrictions were excessive, but some were justified. So our colonists were viewed as basically spoiled brats and cry babies. What? We have to actually contribute to the pot? We have to take some of our earnings and chip in so that all of the provisions we receive are covered?
Every day, I am thankful for our nation and for those who sacrificed their lives in order to defend our freedom. Every day, I am thankful for our nation and for the freedoms that we still have that have not been taken away – yet. Every day, I praise the Lord for the very idea that I was allowed to be born here.
Every day, I mourn and grieve our country as well. Every day, I beg the Lord for mercy and empowerment of leaders who will stand up for what is right – what is right! Every day, I beg forgiveness of the Lord that we have let generation after generation after generation continually excuse selfishness and disrespect and compromise of integrity. Every day, I find myself wondering how much longer before he allows the Assyrian army to invade and rain down the punishment that is coming for the constant disregard of truth and justice. Our Bible is full of stories where God waits, and waits, and waits, and waits on His people (His people is ALL OF CREATION TODAY, BTW) to stop their ignorance of justice and their tolerance of filth so to return to Him. Every day, something else happens in our society and in our government that gives me that sick feeling of OH NO!
Selfishness and sin existed in the 1500s when they all began to arrive. Selfishness and sin existed in the late 1700s when they created the foundations for our nation. The difference is, acceptance of infectious disease was not tolerated and preventative measures were taken to keep the illness of our land minimal. I don’t even feel we are taking our vitamins any more, much less eating a well-balanced diet with exercise. We stopped taking vaccinations 80 years ago. And we are getting weaker and weaker. The white blood cells are few and if our country is to get any better, than they must multiply. What are you doing to replicate? Are you content in where we are? Or is this decline something you are oblivious to? Our can of whoopin’ is coming. Read the Old Testament. Read Isaiah. Oh the parallels are astounding. If you don’t have a faith in Biblical standards, than read your Roman history – the very empire we are compared to as a nation. Read the end and how they collapsed. Makes you have an A-ha and Oh No moment all at the same time. Let’s replicate!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
For Perry
Heartache is difficult to grasp as the origin of each anguish is different. Even when the origination of the wound is the same, the affect is different. My mother has been in Heaven now for 8 years, but I reflect upon the vast difference in how each one of my family members came to accept her departure. She left behind her parents and a sister, along with a husband and two kids. Each one of us came to acceptance of her passing at a different time and in a different way.
I don’t see the difference until tragedy presents itself in my sphere once more. This past Sunday, our family was forced to say goodbye to our beloved family dog. Perry would have been 4 years old on July 4th. And even though he was our “family” dog, each family member had a different relationship with him. Common characteristics in our roles in the family came to light in this unfortunate event. Perry was squirrely and cantankerous. He came to us as an only child as the other puppies in his litter had died at birth. We were unaware that this would matter, but the more people we spoke with concerning his behavior, the more we were made aware that only child puppies possess Alpha Dog demeanors. He was a jealous dog and did not play well with other dogs. He was a terror to anyone who made him feel threatened – even us. His worst behavior was experienced by our loyal groomer who tried time and time again to make him look the way a schnauzer is to look. Apparently, Perry disagreed with the groomer and wanted to look like a rooster as many times she would have to forfeit trying to groom his backside resulting in a tuft of hair sticking out like an alpha male chicken. Fitting.
Perry hated to be alone, so whenever you threatened to go into another room or downstairs or out the door, he was hot on your heels. At the same time, there are many mornings when we would get up and forget to let him out and realize it only because one of us asked where he was. He was quietly sitting in his crate waiting on someone to notice. He couldn’t open doors and it was quite funny. He would sit at the top of our stairwell from our basement with the door cracked and just sit on the top stair not making a sound AND not attempting to push the door open. So many more Perry stories, but I shall save them.
Sunday evening was so hard. My husband had the unfortunate challenge of not only discovering our beloved beast, but also to do the fatherly duty of burying him. Yes, we bury our pets. They are a part of our family and deserve to rest in peace as well. Our little man let the alpha dog get the best of him and challenged a car for the last time. The mother in me grieved through that role. Not just the role as the mother of my two little girls, but the mother of Perry. It was my responsibility to make sure he was safe, so I immediately felt extreme guilt that I let him go out without a leash in our new home. Then I accept that horrible error next to decipher as to whether he suffered. He is a child of mine and I do not want for any of them to hurt.
Then we go into problem solving mode – how do we tell the girls? How long can we wait, or rather, how long can we keep them distracted? My husband did something for my girls that I never had done for me. My husband allowed them closure. I was petrified at what scarring images might be sustained for them, but yet God was faithful and it was just what they needed. Perry was still soft and sweet and appeared to be asleep, so they were able to tell him goodbye and remember him in a fond and comforting way. They knew he didn’t suffer. Their hearts were able to take that as one of the bandaids.
Yet the two of them have grieved differently as well. My oldest, sobbed – well, they both sobbed. However, after a time of expressing of emotions, she put on her big girl pants and began consoling her sister. Nevertheless, she is my enormous sentiment laced girl. She is a horder because everything has meaning. Sometimes it is for good though as it serves as a part of her coping mechanism. When we got home that evening, she dug to the bottom of her stuffed animals and found the plush schnauzer we gave her. She has carried it everywhere since then. I don’t know how much longer she will, but I allow it as I know that she is grieving and healing through that comfort. She is reflecting and remembering and processing it all in her very sharp little mind.
My youngest sobbed, then found excitement in a little escape with some friends, and then the moment she thought of him again, she sobbed again. You see, it is different for her in their relationship. Perry slept with Abigail. He was her buddy. She loved him VERY MUCH. So I hurt for both girls, but I know that she lost a friend, and unfortunately it is not the first actual friend that Abbi has had to grieve in her 6 short years.
Abigail’s coping mechanism is also tied to her personality. If you haven’t met her, she is my dramatic and creative child. (Emma is 85 in a 9 year old body – but that is for another day) So as I have watched Abigail process this, I am aware that her grieving patterns are consistent, for she did the same thing when she lost one of her best friends last July. Abigail continues the story. You have probably done that also in your life, but Abigail’s story is full of life and joy and connects all of her family and friends. She has talked nonstop about Perry since Sunday night and so far, Perry is in Heaven playing with her baby sister and protecting her like the alpha dog does. He is receiving treats from Grandpa and being fed table scraps by my mother. Perry is running and playing with Lily Belle, Abbi’s friend, causing constant giggling. Perry is giving other people joy that are important to her and those other people are happy as she wants them to be. She wants that same joy for all she comes in contact with here as well. She is so special.
Then there is Jeremy. He’s the tough guy, so not to be bothered by the death of a pet. He loved Perry; sometimes more than me. His heart was wrenched and as most men do, he went into the blame game. It was his fault that all of this happened and if he had done a better job of doing x or providing y or being z, than this wouldn’t have happened. The truth is, it most likely would have happened. Perry mattered to my girls. Satan knew that. After the great adventure we have been on, he was mad that we were unmoved. So he attacked a weak spot. Think about it. The moments in your life when you are actually mobile for the greater calling, Satan comes at you like a spider monkey attacking from every angle until you crumble.
I know he was just a dog, but he was special to my babies. So attacking my babies makes mama bear mad. However, I am determined to use this anger for God’s glory. That mama bear is God acting through me driving me to prevent Satan’s hold on my family. That mama bear is because God created me as a being that is capable of feeling. I’m so thankful to be under attack. I’m squaring my shoulders and putting on my gear. For Perry! OK, really - For God!
I don’t see the difference until tragedy presents itself in my sphere once more. This past Sunday, our family was forced to say goodbye to our beloved family dog. Perry would have been 4 years old on July 4th. And even though he was our “family” dog, each family member had a different relationship with him. Common characteristics in our roles in the family came to light in this unfortunate event. Perry was squirrely and cantankerous. He came to us as an only child as the other puppies in his litter had died at birth. We were unaware that this would matter, but the more people we spoke with concerning his behavior, the more we were made aware that only child puppies possess Alpha Dog demeanors. He was a jealous dog and did not play well with other dogs. He was a terror to anyone who made him feel threatened – even us. His worst behavior was experienced by our loyal groomer who tried time and time again to make him look the way a schnauzer is to look. Apparently, Perry disagreed with the groomer and wanted to look like a rooster as many times she would have to forfeit trying to groom his backside resulting in a tuft of hair sticking out like an alpha male chicken. Fitting.
Perry hated to be alone, so whenever you threatened to go into another room or downstairs or out the door, he was hot on your heels. At the same time, there are many mornings when we would get up and forget to let him out and realize it only because one of us asked where he was. He was quietly sitting in his crate waiting on someone to notice. He couldn’t open doors and it was quite funny. He would sit at the top of our stairwell from our basement with the door cracked and just sit on the top stair not making a sound AND not attempting to push the door open. So many more Perry stories, but I shall save them.
Sunday evening was so hard. My husband had the unfortunate challenge of not only discovering our beloved beast, but also to do the fatherly duty of burying him. Yes, we bury our pets. They are a part of our family and deserve to rest in peace as well. Our little man let the alpha dog get the best of him and challenged a car for the last time. The mother in me grieved through that role. Not just the role as the mother of my two little girls, but the mother of Perry. It was my responsibility to make sure he was safe, so I immediately felt extreme guilt that I let him go out without a leash in our new home. Then I accept that horrible error next to decipher as to whether he suffered. He is a child of mine and I do not want for any of them to hurt.
Then we go into problem solving mode – how do we tell the girls? How long can we wait, or rather, how long can we keep them distracted? My husband did something for my girls that I never had done for me. My husband allowed them closure. I was petrified at what scarring images might be sustained for them, but yet God was faithful and it was just what they needed. Perry was still soft and sweet and appeared to be asleep, so they were able to tell him goodbye and remember him in a fond and comforting way. They knew he didn’t suffer. Their hearts were able to take that as one of the bandaids.
Yet the two of them have grieved differently as well. My oldest, sobbed – well, they both sobbed. However, after a time of expressing of emotions, she put on her big girl pants and began consoling her sister. Nevertheless, she is my enormous sentiment laced girl. She is a horder because everything has meaning. Sometimes it is for good though as it serves as a part of her coping mechanism. When we got home that evening, she dug to the bottom of her stuffed animals and found the plush schnauzer we gave her. She has carried it everywhere since then. I don’t know how much longer she will, but I allow it as I know that she is grieving and healing through that comfort. She is reflecting and remembering and processing it all in her very sharp little mind.
My youngest sobbed, then found excitement in a little escape with some friends, and then the moment she thought of him again, she sobbed again. You see, it is different for her in their relationship. Perry slept with Abigail. He was her buddy. She loved him VERY MUCH. So I hurt for both girls, but I know that she lost a friend, and unfortunately it is not the first actual friend that Abbi has had to grieve in her 6 short years.
Abigail’s coping mechanism is also tied to her personality. If you haven’t met her, she is my dramatic and creative child. (Emma is 85 in a 9 year old body – but that is for another day) So as I have watched Abigail process this, I am aware that her grieving patterns are consistent, for she did the same thing when she lost one of her best friends last July. Abigail continues the story. You have probably done that also in your life, but Abigail’s story is full of life and joy and connects all of her family and friends. She has talked nonstop about Perry since Sunday night and so far, Perry is in Heaven playing with her baby sister and protecting her like the alpha dog does. He is receiving treats from Grandpa and being fed table scraps by my mother. Perry is running and playing with Lily Belle, Abbi’s friend, causing constant giggling. Perry is giving other people joy that are important to her and those other people are happy as she wants them to be. She wants that same joy for all she comes in contact with here as well. She is so special.
Then there is Jeremy. He’s the tough guy, so not to be bothered by the death of a pet. He loved Perry; sometimes more than me. His heart was wrenched and as most men do, he went into the blame game. It was his fault that all of this happened and if he had done a better job of doing x or providing y or being z, than this wouldn’t have happened. The truth is, it most likely would have happened. Perry mattered to my girls. Satan knew that. After the great adventure we have been on, he was mad that we were unmoved. So he attacked a weak spot. Think about it. The moments in your life when you are actually mobile for the greater calling, Satan comes at you like a spider monkey attacking from every angle until you crumble.
I know he was just a dog, but he was special to my babies. So attacking my babies makes mama bear mad. However, I am determined to use this anger for God’s glory. That mama bear is God acting through me driving me to prevent Satan’s hold on my family. That mama bear is because God created me as a being that is capable of feeling. I’m so thankful to be under attack. I’m squaring my shoulders and putting on my gear. For Perry! OK, really - For God!
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