Who's Picking Your Battles

Anxiety. It ravages me from time to time. And you know what sucks? When someone points out that my anxiety is only caused by my fear of lack of control in situations that I needn't have control? Or situations that I really needn't worry about because they may not even come to fuition? Then my anxiety gets larger as I am frustrated with myself for wasting time trying to fix a problem I shouldn't fix or analyzing a situation that might be out of my scope of influence. Grrr. I am mad at myself even now even thinking about past moments of wasted time and emotion.

There are numerous causes of anxiety. Trauma from a past experience such as abuse or a loss of a loved one or an empactin event; substance abuse and the withdrawal effects; side effects from medical conditions; the lack of oxygen because of an illness or change in altitude; genetics; and even chemical disorders in the brain. Yet the number one cause of anxiety is stress. Let me give you things that are leading causes of stressors to see if you are included in this parade of anxious individuals.

Stress can be caused by:
1. Relationships - family, school, work, social groups, volunteer groups, groups you are not a part of but wish to be...
2. Work - success, progress, acceptance, promotion, deadlines, commute, whom you are impacting/impressing (see above)
3. School - success, progress, cliques, teachers, grades, weaknesses, whom you are impacting/imressing
4. Medical conditions - what can you do to prevent? What can you do to quicken healing? What can you do to recover? What you can do to avoid? side effects of medication. acceptance of the condition. whom your condition impacts.
5. natural disasters - fear of hurricanes, tornados, floods, earthquakes, fires, etc.
6. finances - not having enough, not saving enough, not investing correctly, not earning enough, etc.

Check out this chart from the National Institute of Mental Health:

Fear and Worry Statistics Data

Percent of things feared that will never take place 60 %
Percent of things feared that happened in the past and can’t be changed 30 %
Percent of things feared that are considered to be insignificant issues 90 %
Percent of things feared in relation to health that will not happen 88 %
Number of Americans who have a diagnosed phobia 6.3 Million

Top Phobias Percent of US Population
1 Fear of public speaking – Glossophobia 74 %
2 Fear of death – Necrophobia 68 %
3 Fear of spiders – Arachnophobia 30.5 %
4 Fear of darkness – Achluophobia, Scotophobia or Myctophobia 11 %
5 Fear of heights – Acrophobia 10 %
6 Fear of people or social situations – Sociophobia 7.9 %
7 Fear of flying – Aerophobia 6.5 %
8 Fear of confined spaces – Claustrophobia 2.5 %
9 Fear of open spaces – Agoraphobia 2.2 %
10 Fear of thunder and lightning – Brontophobia 2 %

Though you think you are not anxious, you are letting things take up space in your mind that are battles you are not to fight at this moment in time. Our God will supply all our needs. This means that He will give you the tools to accomplish each task AS HE WANTS YOU TO ACCOMPLISH THEM. If it is not time to tackle that task, than of course you are not properly equipped. Time to wait. Put that fretting aside. If it is time to tackle a battle and you have the tools at your feet, but you are too engrossed in fixing something that is not in God's vision for you at this moment, then you are sitting in clutter and idleness. You are not progressing, you are beginning to be covered in excess...which leads to anxiety because you don't know what to do.

Who is picking your battles? Is it God or is it you? Yes, God gives you a compassionate heart to see the needs of the world, but He also gives that same heart to others. You cannot do your job and everyone else's job too. You can see someone else's strength and direct them to the need that they can meet. Then there are two people being blessed as the need is being met and someone else is feeling useful, not to mention the satisfaction and release you are receiving because you are able to exert all of your energy and emotion into the task He has specifically designed for you.

One of our speakers at the recent teaching conference I attended spent a great amount of time emphasizing the importance of recognizing the strengths of those around you. When you have this database of the resources around you, it is easier to pick your battles. You can delegate the other battles that you see to those who are better equipped to have victory over them. Imagine the health of our generation if we simply did what we were designed to do! Less illness because of mental and physical fatigue caused by overworking... Imagine the progression of the Kingdom of the Lord if I, you, we did what we were suppose to do!

Let God pick your battles.

A Friend

When we moved, one of the things I fretted about was friendships for my children. I am a planner, and I want to know that if this scenario doesn't happen, then we try option B or C. Stick with me. So I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would deliver sweet little friends for my girls to help them grow into phenomenal women of God. God answered the prayer for my first little one by surrounding her with a precious group of friends at our church. However, I will tell you that our first year of transition was a tough year for her. Prior to our move, she had been enrolled in a preschool and was thriving. After our move, I stayed at home for a year and she became the child that hides behind Mommy's legs. Understandable though. She had a lot happen in just a few months - we changed states, added to our family with child #2, and oh yeah, her father almost died. More on that another day...

As the birth of my second child made changes in our home, it was apparent that I needed to return to work. My God provided a job and phenomenal childcare for my two little ones and the stages of development followed. My oldest came back out of her shell, well, as much as she will. However, my Mommy heart was struggling with my little one. She was really the only consistent little girl her age in church class. Because Abbi did not have any friends her age that were girls, she wanted to play with Emma and her friends. I did not want to make Emma play with her. So Mommy played with Abbi a lot when Emma's friends were over. I know, I am a sap.

Eventually my youngest followed my oldest as a student in our school districts unique preschool program entitled RISE. This program combined a fairly 50/50 ratio of typical and atypical students. The teacher that heads up this program, well, I will have to write another blog post about her. Tina Jernigan is probably the most amazing teacher and, now, friend that I have ever met. Both of our girls were reading fluently within the first semester even as she was teaching other students in the room to simply form their sweet little mouths for the sounds of letters. Mrs. Jernigan is phenomenal at what she does and simply as a person. Yes, I am tearing up as I write this. Though this class was life changing for both of my girls, it was an answer to prayer for Abbi.

Through this class, I got to watch Abbi begin some of her first and most treasured friendships. Because of her birthday, and public school requirements on age to start a school year, she actual spent 2 years in this same class. In year one, Abbi was able to begin and strengthen friendships that are still with her even though these friends are in different classes and different activities now. Finally, she did not need to play with her sisters friends (though she still does), because she had the confidence of having her own friends.

There is one friendship she developed that was unique and special in its own way. Now each relationship we form is different, but I knew this friendship was going to impact Abbi for the rest of her life. Within her class both years was a set of twins that were absolutely beautiful and full of personality and each different in their own way. Rose was spunky and sweet and brought about the leader in Abbi. Lily Belle was adorable and funny. She brought about the servant in Abbi. Abbi loved them both so very much and I feel the love was reciprocated. Yet it was Lilly Belle that she came home talking about every day. Let me tell you what Lilly Belle said today mom? Let me tell you what Lilly Belle did today mom?

There is something more that you should know, though. Lilly Belle suffered from a rare bone disease that had created great challenges to her over her first few years of life. She endured a bone marrow transplant before the age of 1 that saved her life, but there were conditions that had occurred to her before that transplant resulting in some slight disabilities. Lilly Belle was blind. She could not see Abbi, but she knew what Abbi looked like. I cannot even begin to tell you how amazing it was to watch them interact. Mind you, Lilly Belle was not blind to Abbi or Lilly Belle. Yet, I saw Abbi, AND OTHERS, make sure that Lilly Belle was getting the full extent of every experience they encountered together. Abbi would help her in the classroom and on the playground. They talked to each other like to teenage girls texting. They would both light up in the presence of the other.

Throughout the two years together, Abbi's love for Lilly Belle grew, as did Abbi's maturity in the process of connecting with people. Lilly Belle still suffered from discomforts from her disease and would be sick and out of school from time to time. Those times were hard on Abbi. Her first words into the car at the end of the day was, "Mom, Lilly Belle wasn't at school today." "Mom, Lilly Belle is still sick." "Mom, can we pray for Lilly Belle tonight? I miss her." "Mom, Lilly Belle had a headache today and had to go home." My conversations with Abbi during these times were of comfort and encouragement as we learned to trust LB's creator. However, I tried to explain some of Lilly Belle's illness to Abbi so she could understand why her headaches were different from our headaches.

In July of 2013, God decided that the suffering the Lilly Belle had endured for her five impacting years was enough and He chose to bring her to wholeness in His presence. The grief that is being experienced by her family is immeasurable and continues to reach new levels of coping. Please pray for their wounded hearts as this contagious personality that filled their home is no longer audible, only visible in picture and video. Though they know where she is and that she is without any discomfort and is running and singing and SEEING everything, it does not completely close the wound. I am not in their home on a daily basis, but when I even try to put myself in that same situation, it is difficult to wrap my mind around.

How did this impact Abbi? Deeply. Three of the four of us were enroute to Ecuador on a mission trip when this happened. So unfortunately, we had to wait until we were all home again to tell Abbi. We wanted to be with her through questions as well as escort her through her steps of grieving and closure. Upon our arrival back to our home, I spent the day worrying over how to begin that discussion. God provided me the jump start as my sweet oldest child inquired about the health of her little sister's friend. I took them both into Abbi's room and I sat down holding Abbi's hand and explained to her how God decided to heal her. It was at this moment of three Powell girls sobbing that I was able to hear God clearly say to me, "you prayed for her to have a real friend, and the agony she is displaying right now is an answer to prayer." So the tears poured even more.

To know that God had given my daughter the ability to have a friend that she connected with enough to truly grieve is an amazing bittersweet joy. You see, there are adults who have yet to have a friend like that. But because Abbi loved, it hurt. However, this kind of hurt is needed in order to truly begin to understand God's love for us. We love because He first loved. Some might say that a five year old will not be impacted later in life by such a moment. I watch decisions she makes daily based upon that love. It has changed her life, and quite frankly all of our lives. Though their friendship was really on the equivalent of 2 years, it was deep and precious. My heart is ever grateful that the Maker of the Universe not only heard my cries for my child, but He chose to allow her to cross paths with a friend who would change her life.

As I read back through 1 & 2 Samuel studying the friendship of Jonathan and David, I was reminded of Lilly Belle and Abbi. This story of sacrificial and unconditional love for a friend is moving and priceless, but what struck me this time was the duration. You see, in the grand picture of David's life, Jonathan was only a part of the introduction. He was only around for a short time. He died just as David was taking power over Judah. However, his death erupted a wealth of emotions from David as this friend was priceless to him was no longer able to be around. David is described as a man after God's own heart, but we also know that David was truly human. I imagine that David was a little mad at God at the loss of this treasured relationship. I imagine that David saw Jonathan walking through these next few stages of his life alongside him, but now he would not.

Abbi never thought that Lilly Belle would not be with her and she grieved and still grieves that she is not, but we are working through it. Yesterday Lilly Belle would have been 6 years old. Yesterday I cried for my daughter who lost her friend. I cried for a family that had a very challenging day to celebrate as Lilly Belle's precious sister Rose and older sister Delilah celebrated their birthdays as well. I cried tears of joy for a little girl who sees beauty and feels wholeness that I can only dream of.

Have you had that friend yet? Or are you afraid to develop that intimate of a relationship with anyone because you don't want to get hurt? God created us to have relationships. You are missing out of all that He has for your life if you are avoiding this challenge. Yes they can be hard, but I will tell you that those that bless me enough to call me friend are definitely sent by God. He is sending people your way...just make sure you are seeing people through His eyes and not your jaded world eyes. They are there, waiting to bless you. Take the step and model for others how to begin a friendship.

Pressure of Parenting

Have you seen my two girls? They are so very special and each sooooooo very different. My oldest is Anne of Green Gables trapped in a 9 year old body. Emma's desires are of the homestead pages of history. She longs to grow her own garden, to milk a cow, to sew, to knit, to read, to craft, to make things out of trash. Seriously, she made each person in our family puppy dogs that she created out of 20 oz. bottles, duct tape, and sharpie. (Thanks Papa for providing the supplies) I know that there are still precious people out in our society who participate in each of those desired behaviors of my little friend, but it is not the normal desires of a child her age. She LOVES to learn and is super inquisitive. She loves to watch the history channel and "How It's Made." She is compassionate and giving as well as patient. She is also able to read between the lines and decipher the deeper meaning of situations and statements. I muse watching her cross that stage in life where she wants to be a part of the adult conversation so she chimes in and makes efforts to engage. Remember that stage. I think it was like 24 for me. :) She is far older than her years. Yet, she is still a developing young lady who has much to learn.

My youngest is a Disney pop princess who is an aspiring actress and musician. She will, no doubt be performing soon. I have just embraced it and accepted it. We have given full warning to our music minister at our church that when she comes through, she will have to stand in the back because of the passion behind the volume of her singing. She loves, LOVES, LOVES to sing. She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to dress up, both in fiction AND in real life. She is not a fan of pants. She would rather be in a dress or skirt any day than jeans. Often, when given the opportunity to dress herself, she emerges from her room as a small Punky Brewster or Cindy Lauper. We even bought gloves for her a few days ago because she didn't have any for playing the snow. Well this set of gloves came with 2 pair - one pair to be utilized for true warmth as her entire hand was covered and one pair with the fingers chopped off and a little bit of silver thread sewn in. She very clearly stated to me, once we got into the car and she was trying them on, "Mom, these gloves will be perfect for me when I am a rock star." She is gifted in her own separate ways. Like her father, she has the ability to retain almost anything. Once hearing a song for the first time, if she can understand all the words, she can sing it back to you immediately. Good times are had though when she doesn't understand the words and just makes them up - like Lady Gaga's song Bad Romance is also known as White Chocolate Romance in our home. Personally, I like Abbi's lyrics better. She picked up reading super-fast and is now reading chapter books with me. She can sing on pitch and can even hear harmony sometimes. She, too, is incredibly creative and artsy in her own way.

While I am thankful for the way they have turned out thus far, I still stay in a fret of the road ahead. WE HAVE NOT EVEN BEGUN THE TEENAGE STAGE IN THIS RACE YET! I remember myself as a teenager. (insert embarrassed frowny face) I wasn't a horrible kid, but I was disrespectful and selfish and opinionated and manipulative. If that is how you still see me, I AM SO SORRY. I am bowing before Him daily asking Him to remove those aspects of me. Knowing these things about myself, and knowing that both of them are my offspring, I am preparing for battle each and every day. It is going to be a ride in need of a seat belt and helmet for sure.

Often, we are able to glean from the Bible that people are often experiencing punishment from the behavior of their parents. However, some of our Jewish friends took this too legalistic and literal. You can have an ailment that is not the fault of your parents or you can make choices that are not in line with your parents. But let me tell you something, now that I am a parent, I get it. I get what our Lord was intending for us to take away. There are 10 commandments and one of those is Honor Your Father and Mother. We can beat that into them or we can love that into them. As a teacher, I see children who have had both approaches presented to them. Unfortunately, I see kids, who I really do not blame for not honoring their father and mother because they either have never known their parents or are currently not living with parents because of choices the parents have done.

Let me be more personal. How can I expect my daughters to honor me when I do not honor myself? Do I model for them someone who is pleased with their physical appearance? If not, do I model someone who is proactively doing something about this lack of pleasure AND do I use words to explain my lack of satisfaction with myself that point to the Creator of my body and not the world? Do I model someone who exudes self-discipline with activities, with food, with money, with relationships, with work, with leisure? They are watching EVERYTHING. Many of the traits I mentioned above that describe my girls are wonderful and not skills that I possess. However, though we do not always have same interests, I am modeling for them ways to improve their skills (to sharpen the saw as Covey would say) and to utilize time. I am using my voice to encourage or discourage their passions. The things I do during these 18+ years of their lives are crucial to the legacy that we leave. Will my girls feel confident to be leaders? Will they feel confident to try, even when it seems impossible? Will they stay committed and not quit because it just isn't something they are interested in anymore? Will they be able to be a part of something bigger because they have a record they can rely upon?

In the book of Ezra, chapter 2 is devoted primarily to the historical lineage of the Israelites. The end of the passage includes a collection of people who were a part of the pilgrimage who could not benefit from the same blessings as the rest of the Israelites. The reason they could not is because they could not make certain their family had descended from Israel. In other words, someone in their family's history had dropped the ball. They had failed to write down their "family tree" or they had intermarried with people of other nations and damaged the purity of the lineage or some other unfortunate event. Regardless, somewhere along the story, a parent had failed to do what they are supposed to do, and now the child was suffering from it.

What are you doing to make sure that your child is able to receive the blessings from their Heavenly Father? What are you doing to make sure they know how to talk to Him even when you are not around to show them? What are you doing to model trusting Him when times are tough? What are you doing to model appreciation for His blessings? What are doing to praise Him in good times AND bad? What are you doing to encourage them to strengthen their talents and to discipline themselves to practice? What are you modeling for coping with disappointment? How are you showing them the intricacies of relationships and respect of other people - not just believers? How are you treating your temple - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? They are watching. Remember that when you decided to engage in adult behavior to create these children you have, you decided to engage in the journey that brings about the responsibility of commitment to their future.

Oh God, may you give me the tools I need to make today what it needs to be for your kingdom. May I see you in these 2 sets of eyes that look at me and may I hear your urgency. I pray that they learn today a little bit more about what it means to be hopelessly in love with you.

Discerning His Voice

As I sat through this women's conference filled with individuals who were all in love with the same man, I was accutely aware that my affection for Him that I thought that I had was not even a mere crush. In relationships that we have on this earth - the ones, by the way, that He allows us to have - we enter in and out of true intimate knowledge of one another. Sometimes your spouse/significant other and yourself can finish each other's sentences and sometimes they have a new interest that you didn't even know about. Sometimes your best friend goes with you every Tuesday for a Starbucks break and sometimes the struggles of maintaining a family robs you of that connection and you miss things as simple as their 3 year old had the flu.

The same ebb and flow happens with God and me. I detest the fact that I have to admit it, but it is true. Because we are in a relationship, I am confident that He will always be there, so there are times where I let true investment in our relationship slide. The most crucial thing that I let slide is listening. God doesn't just want to listen to me complain or even just praise. He wants to reciprocate and will if I will just allow Him to do so. I am rereading Priscilla Shirer's book, Discerning the Voice of God, for the third time! Why? Cause I need to stop talking.

I am here to tell you that I have had that goose bump awe of my Father when He speaks to me. And that is why I have such disappointment in myself. I have heard Him before. He has been loud and clear to me on more than one occassion. If I have had such an amazingly moving experience, WHY WOULD I NOT WANT IT TO CONTINUE? Yes, my life becomes full with challenges that compromise my joy. Yet, I let those situations steal my joy. I let things come between us. I listen to the evil one over the Lord.

Even yesterday, I was in an attitude of utter joy and excitement as I was clearly hearing His present calling upon my life. I was in that place of committed progression where I was "on fire" for Jesus as we sometimes say in church circles. I had begun to listen to His plan so that I could take my feet and make them move in the direction of His voice. And then that poopy head Satan whispers lies to me. Let me tell you something friend, he is so evil and deceptive. It was not one of those moments where I have a white angel on one shoulder and a red devil on the other like the cartoons. No, no. It was one of those moments that I did not realize until I was crying in my closet trying to pick out what to wear for work tomorrow. If you chuckled, you should have. I was crying while looking through my clothes. Yes, I am a cryer, but really?

Let me point that out real quick though, my awareness came when I removed myself from the other situation. I stepped away and went to do some mundane task/chore, and I heard Him again. "Jodi, you know that we have had an amazing day and that your spirit was in obedience. Jodi, you realize that this wound was open simply to remove you from the path on which I have you and to give doubt to my love for you. Jodi, you know who has been in control of your thoughts and mind for the past hour or more."

And then I get angry because I let the lies creep in. Ha! I am one hot roller coaster aren't I. My point is, once you hear it, chase it. It will be as clear as you allow it to be. I am a person that needs a timeout in moments of stress or conflict. I have always thought that I need it to calm down, but God has designed me that way because He needs to talk to me. And in that moment when my emotions are flared, I can't hear him. I can only hear my self doubt. I can only hear my negative speaking. I can only hear Satan. Just like when a boxer takes a short break to go to his corner and get water and listen to stratgy from his coach, we need that break as well. Some of us more than others. My water is His word and I listen to Him...when I take that break. It needs to happen more often. You see, the stronger I come back into the fight, the harder the blows from Satan will be.

Hurts like death of a loved one. Hurts like words from someone you love that are intentionally destructive. Hurts like financial hardship. Hurts like loneliness. Hurts like disconnect from a close relationship that was a part of your cloud. Hurts like illness. Hurts like fear of possible circumstances. You see the hurts are personally designed for you. A few years ago, I did a study where I identified my weaknesses. It was amazingly freeing for me. Doesn't make sense does it? You see, by identifying my true weaknesses, I was able to see Satan's in route. I looked back over situations of pain in my life and saw that the pain wasn't just a crappy time in my life. It was personally designed for me so that I would either fall away from God or so that, I dare say, would turn on God. Satan is good at what he does. And friend, I am sorry to tell you, he will not stop until we are home with the Lord.

So when your "hurt" happens, I encourage you to get alone with Him and let Him talk. He is not always going to immediately tell you why something has happened. However, your trust in Him will open a door that leads to understanding. He will speak. You just have to listen.

My Mask

My girls love, love, love to dress up. In so doing, they are becoming someone else and entering into a fantasy, or story that their little minds are scripting as they go. They have animal masks of all types like cats, tigers, elephants, and dogs. They have the ever present Mardi Gras masks from art projects and dance costumes. But let’s be real, Mardi Gras masks are also super hero masks, right? Yet, they even have that too. Our whole family dressed up as the Incredibles for Halloween a few years back and we all have those little black masks. We laugh as we imitate fictional characters and express our feelings and emotions through acting.

Let me say that again, we laugh as we imitate fictional characters and express our feelings and emotions through acting. Children are not the only ones who participate in this behavior. It emerges in our childhood, but is disguised in our adolescence and adulthood as normal behavior. So perhaps you do not walk around in an enormous hoop skirt, a ridiculously tight corset, perfect ringlet curls, an oversized antebellum hat, and a parasol; but you do behave like Scarlett sometimes. Her arrogant and selfish behavior is not really what I am wanting to imply either; but rather the dismissal and denial of certain behaviors and problems. "I'll think about that tomorrow." Because let's all admit, Scarlett was a strong, stubborn, and driven woman too. Sometimes we subconsciously emulate people because of characteristics we admire.

Scarlett may not be whom you find yourself mimicking, but maybe the girls on the playground in elementary school or in the popular clique during high school. There every day behavior was not characteristic of whom you really are, but the author of lies got to you and convinced you that who you are is wrong. You are to change in order to be accepted. This mentality becomes locked in and continues throughout your life. Have you even realized that? The little girl who decided to try out for cheerleading even though she loved sports that conflicted with the cheerleading schedule...she's still there. It even leaks into career choices for many of us. We choose nursing or teaching or dental hygienist or banking because someone else we knew did and they said it was the right fit for them.

What about your love for astronomy? Why didn't you pursue that even when nobody else did? What about your love of chemical compounds and how the God of the universe had allowed modern man to even figure out how some of those compounds come to be? What about your love of engines and the very physics of how it works? What about your love of travel and culture? What about your love of advertisement and the actual mental work that goes into the persuasive writing and imagery? What about your love of music and the talent that God has given you to play an instrument - even your voice? What about (insert neglected passion here)? Do not misunderstand me. The first career goals are phenomenal professions that are essential to the function of society and can be fulfilling and rewarding as you know you are contributing to the greater good. I am one of those professions currently in the wonderful world of middle school social studies.

But I have a greater passion. I have a greater desire. It is not mine. It is my God's. I have spent years trying to figure out how to fulfill it in ways that seem logical to me. I have spent years trying to make it work in what I see others do that look similar to what I think I am supposed to do. I have been wearing a mask...and I somewhat didn't even realize it.

I hate masks really, both literal and figurative. When I became characters for Halloween as a child, I rarely wanted to be ANYTHING that had to wear something on my face other than makeup. Even then, I was hesitant. I know this sounds crazy, but it made me feel claustrophobic. I hate them literally too. I despise that we live in a society that preys on vulnerability. I have so often been a victim of people utilizing my transparency against me. Why can't you accept me for who I am? Why must you take advantage of this weakness in order to promote your wellbeing?

Ester Havens shared in a brief word of encouragement yesterday that she decided to remove her mask literally in front of this great crowd of women. She showed pictures of women all over the world who were without makeup and without masks. She thought it hypocritical for her appearance to be altered as she appeared in a message with them. I appreciated her vulnerability and how she admitted the fear it evoked inside of her to stand before these women uncovered, but she was beautiful. And so are we. I have actually scaled back my makeup from my teens and college years realizing how unnatural it appears.

Now, though, my makeup matters not only to me, but to those in my sphere of influence. Specifically, I have 2 little ones watching and inquiring why I wear each product. Careful thought is put into each answer. And their questions make me wonder who else is asking without really coming out and saying it. I no longer want to be the popular girl. I no longer want to be the model on the cover of the magazine. I no longer want that pressure. I want to be me.

Will I stop wearing makeup? No. My answer to my girls is that it is like an accessory that enhances the outfit. But I don't wear it every day. Will I stop them from playing dress up? Absolutely not! Suppressing creativity and imagination is cruel and unusual punishment. They will know that the young lady in the skin underneath it all is amazing and brilliant and able to do all things through Christ which strengthens them though. Will I stop trying to figure out the specifics of my calling? No! And I might look like others a time or two as I am trying to find it, but I will be me. The me He created me to be.

What If

Middle School. Or shall I say Junior High. Ah yes, many of us just did that weird empathetic wincing sound that makes us full of uncomfortableness as we recount our experience. We were in a very pivotal developmental stage during these years. This is a time in life filled with hormone changes and identity crisis. This is when many boys experience the luxury of getting facial hair and that deep "man" voice that they have been hoping to achieve while ridding themselves of the squeak. This is when many girls receive that monthly visit from their aunt that they are still to this day not looking forward to. This is the time when acne first ramps up and if uncontrollable alters their identity. This is the time where hair is important and knowing how to fix it in the latest style is crucial for day to day acceptance. And if we must open the door to appearance-led acceptance, we must also usher in the pressure of label - what company manufactured your article of clothing. Of all these major and minor crisis that expose their ugly heads all in a short period of time, the most important one that I ALWAYS tell the teens I interact with is the establishment of their clique. Seriously. This identifies them greater than any of the other life-changing matters. These are the people who will walk with them through the next developmental phase and these are the people that will influence their decisions. These are the people with whom they will arrive at conviction and opinion. These are the people who will give them comfort and encouragement. Crucial.

I have taught this age for 11+ years. I have watched this battle long enough to know which student is going to turn out which way by the end of the year. Predictable, they are. There are markers and conditions that assist in the prediction of the next stage of their life. Do they have both parents at home? Are both parents actually involved in their life? BOTH. Girls need dads to show them how men should treat women and what a head of a household should look like. Boys need moms to show them how women should treat men and what the helpmate should look like. Their self-confidence coming into middle school is imperative to survival and emergence. Their coping ability and problem solving skills should be sharpened during this time, not just beginning. If any of these factors are off, it is possible that development can be skewed unless there is intervention or substitution. Possible, but not guaranteed.

As I have emerged as a woman, I have peeled back so many of the markings I bare from as far back as grammar school. Sometimes I forget about them, but sometimes they rear their ugly head and alter my decisions or self-confidence or movements.

After attending a women's conference recently, I became aware of a very simple yet extremely relevant question - what if? If God is real, as I say He is, what if I act like it? The God who made me many moons ago is the God who walked with me through those phases of the moon. He was there and is here and will be there. God is real. I don't live a life that totally trusts and believes that. I live a life of comfort and avoidance of fear. "God, you know my abilities, so you will understand if I decline that opportunity. God, you know that I can do this, so I will do this to further your kingdom. God, you know how this type of situation awakens that insecurity and makes me feel farther from you, so I will not participate. God, I don't believe you can." Though the last statement has NEVER left my lips, my life has demonstrated it. Those elevated insecurities that we feel during middle school are the same insecurities that hold us back from moving forward.

We want to belong to something bigger. We want to be accepted. We want to appear collected. We dare not admit that we cannot handle it. We dare not admit that we have a wound that has never healed properly. We dare not admit that we have not confessed all of our wrong to the King who already knows your sin. We hide in our victimization and stay there because though unpleasant, it is somewhat comfortable.

What if we became uncomfortable so that we cannot be alone? What if we became uncomfortable so that someone that we claim to love feels the love and perhaps even feels the love of their Creator? What if we love ourselves instead of holding it to a comparison and insulting God's handiwork? What if we loved Him with the same unconditional love that He loves us? God is the one who can supply all of our needs and wants us to be relevant to a generation that could lose Him if we are not more actively engaged in the pursuit of truth.

If God is real, then what? Build a well? Write a book? Adopt a child? Knit a scarf for the homeless? Tutor a child? Plant a garden to give away? What's your "what?"

Perplexed

So many situations have been presented to my husband and me along our little journey that have truly been matters of faith challenging, knee scraping, tear soaking, and helpless paralyzation. However, I have not been numb to the fact that we are not alone in these moments that present to us the very question that Satan wishes to pose to the followers of his enemy, "do you believe?" Can you recollect a time in your life where you have, maybe not said out loud, but thought, "Where are you, God?" Has there been an event or two or twenty-two that has left you feeling exhausted and hopeless when you know you are called to "fight the good fight" and there is no "fight" left in you? Or here's a question that I have even caught myself asking, "God, what have I done to bring upon myself such a conundrum?"

As of this present moment, I am confident of this, that He who began a good work in me will finish. Here is where I am grateful for the blessings of His evidence in my life. And here is where I think those who are lost in their troubles are unable to find the hope that He so desperately wants them to see/hear/feel. When I am faced with a new challenge, because I have been involved in challenges truly more often than my little mind could even grasp 20 years ago, I am reminded at little things that God is and I AM NOT. For instance, I am all about a project, but often I find myself not completing the project. (Insert embarrassed smile here) God WILL finish. He, who began, will complete. God is a healer. The God who has healed my husband TIME AND TIME again is the same God that healed my mother who is now completely whole as she dwells in eternity with Him. The same God that gave us a child when it was said by our doctors that it would be difficult and possibly unlikely, gave us two. The same God that embraced my mother into eternity, placed His healing hands on my father just a year later and removed the plague of cancer so that he could enjoy his grandchildren for a bit more, better yet, meet three of them before she does. The same God that blessed us with child our third took her because she was formed in a way that would allow the world to be kind and decided that my mother would get to meet her first.

So I find myself perplexed. There are people in this world who are confident of their relationship with the Almighty Creator, but when things become complicated, they fall into a pit of hopelessness and anger. Now, let me tell you that I know as these words leave my mind and enter this page, it is fueling the Evil One with creating in my life that very feeling so that I will curse my Creator and be useless for His kingdom. Therefore, it is important that my guard be more prepared and not lax. There is another time and another blog for that prep work. You see, God has given us the gift of emotion and has not banned us from use of it. We have freedom in Christ to hurt. We have freedom in Christ to mourn. We have freedom in Christ to celebrate. We have freedom in Christ to think. However, we do not have freedom in Christ to be idle. Idleness comes when we consume ourselves with worrying about what tomorrow will hold because of our predicament. Idleness comes when we allow the "what if" game to become the forefront of our motives. Idleness comes when we grieve over something that has caused us pain, but allowed someone else freedom and joy. Idleness comes when we avoid things because we are unsure of what "might" happen and therefore, we do not step forward...we stand still. People are watching how you handle your struggles and if you model idleness, it replicates. Pretty soon, we have a community of idle citizens accomplishing nothing and expecting something to happen.

God and I have had many, MANY, many talks over the years of my life. I don't hide things from Him. He knows my thoughts, so why try to hide. I have told Him when I am lonely. I have told Him when I am scared. I have told Him when I am uncertain. I have told Him when I am disappointed. I have told Him when I wanted things to be another way. I have told Him when I am struggling and feel weak. I have told Him when I am battling anger with people that He has called me to love. I have told Him when I see it a different way. I have told Him when I desperately need to see it His way. Each time, He has lovingly extended patience with me and has allowed me just enough comfort to put my feet down and take a step...sometimes super small, but forward.

My God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY. There is NOTHING my God cannot do. You see, I am very aware that my situation is but temporary. And I am not just referring to my time on earth; I am referring to my moment here in January of 2014. I know that today even as it is beginning can be full of an entirely new perplexing agenda. I know that my heart can be thwarted and calmed and jerked and swollen all in the same moment. I have felt that. Yet I know whom I have believed, that He is faithful. God and I have this great relationship, you see. My husband finds himself irked by my approach to God from time to time, but I believe that a true relationship is one where both people understand each other. My God created me, so undoubtedly, He understands me. I am a "fleece thrower" so to speak. I ask God for signs. Now, before you go joining my husband's side, I don't ask for it to literally rain on a specific area on the ground while leaving the other area dry. Nor do I ask for 3 lightning bolts to appear in the shape of a triangle or anything like that. I simply ask for Him to reveal to me His desires for my life and to reveal to me that He is near. He does it. Over and over and over and over again, He has faithfully placed His hand on my shoulder and comforted me.

So my perplexion is with those who don't ask for the comfort? He knows your hurt. He is with you in the midst of your storm. He wants to reveal to you His presence and let you know that He is listening. The complication comes with the matter of trust. Do you trust Him enough to look for His presence and accept it? Do you trust Him to do what He says He will do? Do you trust Him to be bigger than anything else on this earth HE CREATED? Do you trust Him enough to stop talking and listen? Do you trust Him enough to give up what you think is best, and be obedient to His Lordship and leadership? Do you trust Him enough to say NO to the world?

Are you perplexed? Or are you comforted?

Overlooked Obedience

God is funny. Really, He is. As I reread certain passages in scripture, I am thankful that God allows me to see each passage from a different perspective. Though the Word is limited to just these exclusive books, they are never without impact or relevance every time you read a passage for a second time. God intended it that way, and we are aware of that in our mind. Yet, it is important that we remind our heart as we open His Word and expose ourselves to His written voice once more. Our church is going through a corporate Bible reading for the year and we are currently in the book of Matthew.

In Matthew 17:24-27, our author, Matthew/Levi, recaptures a moment with the disciples where Jesus was challenged, or even antagonized by the local authorities. I imagine that though there are many of these events recorded in scripture, they are just a grazing of the grief given to Jesus by both the church and governing leadership. Even today, we see people with certain power react with frustration or anger or hatred towards anything that may question their position or pose a threat to their popularity. That is a side lesson for another day.

In this passage, the disciples and Jesus are posed with the required collection of a tax. Though Jesus explains that His true authority afforded Him the privilege of being exempt from the tax, He will appease the local authorities and pay the tax. How often do we choose to appease the masses in order to be more affective in our ministry instead of buck the system? This the first act of obedience that I see covered in this text. Jesus chooses His battles. This battle is not worth the fight. Instead of revealing to the collectors who He truly is and His exemption status, He complies with their wishes so that He may remain in His present location continuing to impact those who are under the effective circle of influence at that time.

God is so funny. In this situation, I could easily imagine many of us challenging authority with statements like, "I don't have to pay that." "Don't you know who I am?" "You can keep asking, but I am not paying." "Go back and check your records. My name will be on the exemption list." "I am taking this to the courts to challenge." "How dare you question what I am entitled to!" "No!"

Jesus explains the small, but impacting, fact of who He is and where this quandry places Him. Yet, He leads by showing the importance of winning those in authority over as well by being obedient to the laws at the given time. By not fighting the system at this time, He makes greater strides in His impact to this local community and eventually the surrounding areas as well.

The other intriguing and humorous example of obedience in this passage is Peter's fishing excursion. Jesus tells Peter to go catch a fish and pull money out of the fish's mouth to pay the tax. What?!?! So Peter says, "OK" (said in my best Goofy voice). Wow. Though the disciples don't get it many times, this unusual command was not questioned by Peter. He just went to do what he does best - fish. Neat how Jesus chooses to utilize this strength to teach Peter on many occassions. (Something else to take note of - Jesus met people where they are in order to make His message more understandable).

Because Jesus had made His message more understandable, Peter was far more willing to obey the strangest of commands. When you are frustrated with parenting or with some area of authority that you possess, re-evaluate your approach. Are you communicating with your target on a level that gives them understanding? Are you respecting the place where your target audience is currently operating. Are you respecting your target audience period? With just a little bit of coaching in communication techniques, you too can persuade people to pull money out of the mouth of a fish.

New Year, New You, Right?

Though it cliché, every year I try to make a goal for myself for the upcoming calendar year. So often people make 1, 2, even 10 resolutions to achieve over the upcoming 365 days. Yet also, so often people fail within the first 1-3 months of this commitment. My husband abhors this concept. He is of the belief that we shouldn't just take one time out of the year to make goals and strive for achievement. We should be striving to better ourselves with new breath and strength each and every day. I tend to agree to an extent; however, as an educator, setting a "finish line" for me is crucial to intrinsic motivation.

The term resolution is something that we have always just used as tradition or in passing. It is either used to identify these somewhat attainable goals created by self or to describe the visibility of our HD television. Yet my great friend Merriam-Webster defines the term resolution as the act of finding an answer or solution to a problem or conflict. Reread that definition one more time. A resolution is the act of finding an answer or solution. In order to need an answer/solution there must first be a question/problem. Now this gives completely new meaning to a New Year's resolution to me.

You see, the idea of improving yourself means that you must first find that which of yourself is imperfect. As we have read through the Word from the Creator of this world, there was only one who was perfect to walk on this Earth. Therefore, if we are to take a moment and look in the mirror, we must look deeper. You may be one of those beautiful people with flawless skin, hair full of body, or a physique that is lacking any more sculpting. You might be a brilliant leader, a skilled laborer, or a loyal ally. Your Bible knowledge might shame others, your service to the community is merited of awards, or your worship is uninhibited. But somewhere you are marred. Somewhere you are lacking. Somewhere there is room for improvement.

We are finding more and more evidence in the generation that is being produced today a resounding confidence that is both positive and negative. Self-awareness and self-confidence are crucial to create individuals who can be the innovative leaders and workers of tomorrow. However, there is a fine line between self-confidence and arrogance. More often than not, we are being confronted in various venues in our society the concept of entitlement. People are presenting themselves as deserving of financial privileges or forgiveness; deserving of benefits or freedoms; deserving of inclusion or adoration. Please do not misunderstand me. I want my children to enter into adulthood aware of their talents and abilities and armed with wisdom and skills that will not only equip them to survive, but will also provide them advancement to excellence. Part of that skill set is humility and suffering. Part of that skill set is disappointment and correction. Part of that skill set is challenge and adversity. Part of that skill set is self-evaluation and intrinsic motivation to improve upon past conflict and to find a solution to their problem or an answer to their question...not for me to find it for them.

In order for my children to learn how to enact this principle, they must have it modeled. We have always heard the other great colloquialism "practice what you preach," but it is true. However, some of us are at a place where we no longer even "preach" so to say. There is an absence of instruction in today's society on how to resolve anything besides a math equation or a bullying intervention. Even in those instances, answers are being provided, not discovered. As a parent now, I am becoming so aware of the struggles that my parents faced. These are not the struggles that first come to mind such as providing a warm meal on the table every night or making sure that my kids have appropriate attire for the elements. Struggles like being a listener as they work through a conflict with a classmate and not immediately picking up the phone to solve the problem for them. Struggles like allowing them to work on a large project for school and not doing it for them when we know it could be better or when they just didn't have enough time because of their hectic schedule. Struggles like establishing financial boundaries even at the grocery store when they ask for the items that are out of the budget for that trip, but you know it will make them happy. Struggles like career orientation or where they will choose to study and prepare for this career. Struggles like bailing them out of trouble when they have made wrong choices...or simply holding to your disciplinary parameters when it seems heartbreaking to watch. Struggles like knowing when you ARE to intervene and push them to a decision that is for their betterment now and/or in the future. Struggles like SAYING NO.

It is not just a principle to be modeled for children. It is to be modeled for ALL. Whether we like it or not, we are all under observation (some of us more than others). When we set a goal and do not stay committed to this goal, we are telling others that this behavior is acceptable. Therefore, we have at least 3 generations now of uncommitted contributors to society...people who verbally agree to a goal, a job, and a relationship and eventually fizzle out because it is too hard. We have a population of people who are not looking for an answer/solution to their question/problem. Like my husband as stated, resolutions are a joke. Agreed. Statistics say that less than 19% of people actually achieve their New Year's resolution. That is evident in our society today. It is crumbling because of lack of commitment to improve or achieve.

Though I am just one (you are just one), I have put much more thought into my "resolution" for this upcoming 2014. My goals are attainable, but challenging. My goals are important for the improvement of self so that self can assist in the improvement of others. My goals come with an underlying motivation that I will not be alone in my struggles. Though it will be difficult, my solution to my problem is the Creator of all things and the sustainer of my heart and the Savior of my soul. Though my goals are not something for which I can find immediate results, I know where to find the answer when a question is posed along the journey. With that awareness, I can look in the mirror and find that which God needs me to improve upon and strive to be obedient to His command to improve.

How committed are you to your resolution?

One More

As we enter into adulthood, it becomes all the more real that age old statement from our parents - "you just wait until ____________". You can fill in the blank - you're my age, or you have children, or you have a house of your own, or you are married for 20 years... But geez, it is all the more startling at just how RIGHT they are. As we enter into adulthood, we begin to embrace the death of our irresponsibility and freedom while also embracing the gratifying experience of responsibility and commitment. Do you feel that as well? For some this happens at 18. Some even 25. Others, more like 45, but we all feel it at some point. I remember realizing at various points in my life, "this is it." I will never be the same. It is monumental and humbling all at the same time.

When Emma, our first born, arrived there was an overwhelming rush of multiple emotions. Not just the understood, "oh my goodness, we have a baby!" Or "this is the most incredible miracle I have ever seen" or "oh my goodness, we have a baby" (said the second time in fear). No, there were more emotions than that. The realization that all of the pretend play you had just some 20 years before has finally come to a reality strikes you on multiple occasions as a woman. The realization that you must make enough money to feed another mouth and put this child through a beneficial educational and life experience strikes you as a man. The awareness of how many things can cause illness or how dangerous a playground is or why a schedule is imperative to peaceful life experience...

...or why your parents said all of the things they said and did all of the things they did. You remember that? When you became aware of words slipping out of your mouth that you had heard from your own mother. I'm not talking about the "because I said so" disciplinary tactic. The ways you express your love for your child, the lullabies you choose to sing as they begin to ring in your memories, the way you contemplate each decision you make because you are seeking to do what is best for your child - the child that has been gifted to you from the very one who gifts us with life.

When Abbi came, there was a fear of as to whether we would be able to effectively invest in the life of another little one as fully as we had our elder. Yet, again, as when Emma came into the world, that rush of emotions flooded our souls as we locked eyes with the unforgettable Abigail Jo. Not only did we get to experience the rush of emotions and tremendous joy all over again with another little one, we also got to witness the incredible growth and interaction of her older sister as she adjusted and accepted a sidekick. There was an indescribable interaction between the two as that first year unfolded. The end result of a year of deep investment by both parents was a little sibling who very obviously idolized the older sibling. In conjunction with that was an older sibling who very obviously mothered the younger one.

Our hearts are blessed with two amazing children, but God has allowed us to feel the pull to experience this rush of emotions one more time. This time, we get to watch two older siblings adjust and accept another family member. This time we get to experience the rush of emotions as this little one not only grows and develops but is also embraced by our family and friends as a treasured gift to our home. This time, we are going to find the joy in knowing that one more is one less - one less in the throes of poverty and dismal existence. One more in our home is one less struggling for life in a world unlike our one. One more is one less to not be exposed to the love of our Heavenly Father.

One more...

Not Quite the Author, Just a Messenger

My life is a story; as is yours. It is a story that has an author who is capable of creating a plot and sequence of events that is beyond my ability to conjure. It is ever changing, ever complicated, ever unpredictable, ever blessed. As I find myself in continual complicated situations, I am reminded that the author and perfector of my faith is at work. My job in this story is to adhere to His word and to be still and listen as He so gently and yet firmly tries to instruct me down the path of righteousness. It is these fascinating stories that I choose to share in posts or written letters or other forms of scribing. For He has also requested that I not be kept silent, but that I boast in Him...not me.

As we progress towards a new day in our family, I feel it important to utilize what God has blessed me with in order to further His kingdom and to expose His greatness. Currently, I am working on a collection of family devotions for families to share with one another as they are encouraged to speak openly about their faith and relationship with Jesus Christ. Part of our great struggle with overcoming the world in this generation is that we are unable to speak of the One who speaks on our behalf to the Creator. In order to attain that boldness that is needed to recapture the world for the kingdom of God, we must first practice that boldness with those we are most comfortable. Speaking openly about your faith with your family and discussing the interpretation of the scripture with others who can walk alongside you in deciphering God's word is an invaluable tool giving you strength and wisdom to then in turn speak truth to those who are not in your immediate circle.

God is so clear in His word of the things He wants for us. Yet we are afraid to take hold of it because we are afraid of the world. Immediately advancing into the darkness without a firm footing on His word and His grace can be dangerous and damaging. Yet knowing His truth and trusting His guidance will provide us with the tools we need to face those who are in need of returning to their Creator. Practicing your faith with those who already share it is imperative training for battle.

I am not the author of anything, but merely the messenger of the message that He has placed upon my heart. May your family engage in training for battle as we seek to regain the kingdom of God.

Procrastination

My brother and I have been excellent students all throughout our academic career. We both were blessed with the ability to write and to communicate our thoughts on paper. We both can give credit to similar educators as I followed him through the same educational institutions that instilled in us the framework to create written messages. Yes, this is a great trait that we both have in common. Coinciding with this great gift is also our amazing ability to wait until the very last minute to finish, or even begin something. I will never forget my freshman year in college I had this huge 10 page paper due on Machiavelli. This was my first semester and an intimidating professor. The super cool thing about this assignment was that I could submit it via email; something I had never been able to do before. So because there was an option to submit this assignment electronically, we had until midnight.

Of course, you know where this is going. At 11:15pm the evening that my assignment was due, I completed the paper. Whew, right? Nope, not yet. I begin to run spell check (Thank you God for spell check). During this process, my computer crashed. I had saved NOTHING! So, through tears and hyperventilating, I called my computer savvy brother and fellow procrastinator to help me. Through the grace of God, Jason walked me through rebooting my computer and recovering my paper. I submitted it at 11:57pm. After that fiasco, one would assume that I have improved upon my delay of completion of tasks. Some, but I am still a work in progress.

In 2 Corinthians 8, Paul is continuing in his loving correction and parenting of the church in Corinth. During this passage he is speaking to them concerning giving. In the midst of his very detailed explanation of where giving should be from, he calls them out on talking the talk, but not walking the walk. As many people today, they are not meaning to be unclear in their demonstration of their faith, but they are also not carrying out some important acts that are necessary in expressing to God and to others their love for Him and their true commitment to this newfound faith.

"And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means." 2 Corinthians 8: 10-11.

This passage pierced my heart today as I have had many a good idea, but never been able to completely follow through. My house is a house of unfinished projects. I long to find completion in something as the unfinished business around me leaves me with sleepless nights. As I wrestle with this very clear message, I am aware that my energy and time must be focused on and reflective of my priorities. Today is a day where I seek to begin to improve upon previous behavior that is not matched by my eagerness.

Oh God, may I have the time and the energy and the wits about me to prioritize and begin to clean off my desk. In so doing, Father, I know that you will then make the direction of my path more clear. In so doing, You will allow me peace. In so doing, my heart will be at rest. In so doing, I will have more time for the relationships of which you have blessed me. In so doing, I will see Your glory all the more clearly. Thank you for the clarity of your word.

Underway

Well, the official planning and coordinating of the auction we are to have to raise money for this new addition to our home is underway. There is excitement in the air in not only our home, but also the community. I cannot begin to describe to you the feeling when I got the first response of someone willing to bake a good to sell at the auction or the first response of someone willing to attend our event. You have experienced it before. It is that feeling where you realize that "this is really happening." It would be similar to the first kick of your baby moving inside you. It would be that first time you get on the elevator to go to your office at your first official job. Perhaps when you receive the acceptance of your offer on your first home. Maybe those can match this feeling, but yet each are there own unique absorbtion of emotion.

Tonight was consumed with brainstorming and list making and delegating. My friend, Becky and I spent the evening listing themes, ideas, vendors, and more and though it was overwhelming at times, it was also a rush of adrenaline. My eyes were widened to further opportunities and my heart was encouraged by possibilities of involving the generosity and compassion of people even beyond our immediate community. How I long to already be there locking eyes for the first time with our new little one. The progression of this great event and the increasing support gives me such hope that this day is well on it's way.

Blessings to you all! If you wish to assist the Powells in their adventure to grow their family, you can also contribute through paypal which will directly deposit into our savings fund strictly for the adoption process.

Watch

As we are consumed by the flow of every day life, many of us are unaware of the very peril that is dancing outside the city's walls. We are in the days of pre-9/11 that gave us this arrogance that we were invincible and no matter what struggle may come our way, we will overcome such. There is a level of trust and a level of naivity that must be dealt with concerning our state of the union. However, if we are to be honest with ourselves, it will not be dealt with according to great wisdom and discernment. No, dear friends, we are witnessing right now the very fact that our people are oblivious to history. Our people are unwilling to make the very clear comparison between previous great empires and nations and our very own.

We want, want, want and we really don't care how it is acquired. We just want to have it. Give me more money to hold in my hand. Give me more entitlement without my efforts or energy. Give me more recognition despite my choices and conflict. Give me what he has because it is only fair that I am able to take from his portion because I cannot (will not) achieve his status. Give me what you don't have because it is your fault that I have my own disrepair. Create for me a perfect society at the cost of those who are exerting all their energy to be personally successful and sufficient. Protect me from enemies who seek to kill and destroy, but do so in a way that does not intefere with my freedom. Create for me equal shelter, equal wealth, equal health, and equal opportunity so that nobody is aware of my lack of contribution to the greater good. I deserve it. I was born this way. It is my parent's fault. It is my teacher's fault. It's my ancestor's fault. It's my boyfriend's fault. It's my pastor's fault. It's my community's fault. It's the government's fault. Not mine.

Have we not WATCHED people lose jobs because of obsession with self? Have we not WATCHED families self-destruct as they have been unable to own their responsibilities to one another? Have we not WATCHED families lose their homes because of overwhelming debt caused by overspending? Have we NOT WATCHED our leaders lose the ability to lead with strength and dignity because they are unable to own their mistakes and avoid them with maturity?

But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another. Galatians 5:15

We are always wanting it to be someone else's fault. We want to blame the government for the demise of our nation. WE PUT THESE PEOPLE IN OFFICE. WE WERE GIVEN THIS FREEDOM TO CHOOSE WHO SHOULD BEST REPRESENT US AND MAKE APPROPRIATE DECISIONS FOR US. WE CONTINUALLY RE-ELECT THEM. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR MISTAKES BECAUSE WE GAVE THEM THE REIGNS. We want it to be there fault, but my dear friend, it is our fault. We are about to witness America lose it's home because they are unable to pay the bills that WE have created under OUR WATCH. We have requested them to spend beyond the budget and to overprint the dollar and to protect every cause known to man as we sit back and watch tv and play on our iProduct and shop in our designer stores. We point at each other with jealousy like small children who want the same ice cream cone their sibling has. And you know what? Like a parent who is unable to teach their child about true fairness and responsiblity and hard work, the government has given us what our sibling has so that we don't feel lesser or unequal or unfortunate or just sad. We have bitten and devoured one another and the ultimate consumption is upon us.

Watch and pray. We are about the experience the fruits of our labor.

Overwhelmingly Burdened

This trip was dramatically impacting in so many ways. Though I try to remain calloused to the great emotional implications that are associated with attending a very challenging mission trip WITH my husband, AND WITH my eldest daughter, AND WITH my father…all whom have significant impact upon the building of my faith here at home, I cannot transpose to you the gravity of this experience. I will try to quickly surmise the impressions permanently left upon my soul from each of them, and the heavy of the overall trip has left me processing.

First of all, I have always known that Jeremy is an excellent leader, but this trip made the clarification of such characteristic all the more prominent. We orchestrated so many different and yet impacting missions within one trip with such fluidity, it is obvious that the Lord had His hand on the vision that Jeremy was casting. I am thankful that he listens and allows the Lord to push us even when things seem impossible. Not only did I have fellow FBC-ers give kudos to your pastor, but the interpreters ALL shared with me how they enjoyed working with him and felt his leadership was exceptional. We were told that they enjoyed doing trips with our team because it was “real” mission work, where we get our hands dirty and make deliberate relationships with the people. And if anybody made relationships this trip, it would be Jeremy as he poured out theological training into Nestor, our young believer in Sarahuasi.

Second of all, I must tell you how God allowed me to watch my father grow. For all my life, my father has led by unspoken faith. By that I mean, I saw him pour into preparation for his Sunday School lessons week after week. I saw him help my mother with each and every musical, cantata, practice, and production through construction of props, stages and serving as a sound technician. I have seen him serve at countless church work days painting, building, cleaning, moving, sorting, and serving. However, I have never been a witness to my father in a cultural challenging environment that would awaken all of the stereotypical assumptions within his media slanted experience. Not only did Dad become more aware of the wounded and lost, his spiritual gifts of service was exercised and blessed as he led a crew up a very challenging hike – twice – orchestrated the construction of a roof in under a 48 hour window, including having to build a ladder after he fell off the one provided by the villagers, and camped away from any form of communication in an even more remote location. I am proud to call you dad and so very thankful that God allowed us to experience this together.

My daughter is different. She is not 8. I don’t think we really know her age. There is an insight and maturity within her that is often greater than my own. We knew when Emma began asking to go that she was ready…the delay was more of as to whether Jeremy and I were ready as parents. Emma flourished in the villages. Her fear that prevented her from going any further was not of the people, but simply of the language barrier. She wanted to play with the children and to experience their life. When we asked her what she thought of the experience mid-trip, she very simply said, “these people are far more loving than we are.” To see their love comes from within, not with great wealth in possession, not with great knowledge of the world, just genuine affection is great intuition. We were blessed as parents to watch Emma leave from under our wings and serve with others on the team, which also added great growth in Emma’s confidence and faith. She cooked with the cooking team. She painted nails with Ms. Brenda. She prepared a devotion with Mrs. Patsy. She helped children color and draw with me during VBS. She hiked a 5 hour hike with her father and myself and she shopped in the market for her sister first, before herself. She blesses me every day and I am thankful to have served with her.

My burden that I am left with from this trip is this; We had an inside joke that La Fiesta Follows the Gringos because I don’t think we slept an entire night the whole trip as a party was happening outside our window no matter where we were…literally. These parties broke my heart though as I watched thousands of people behaving in a way that gave no glory to the Creator and it made me all the more aware of a world that is saturated with people living in a way that does not acknowledge the giver of life. We are just impacting a small fraction of the lost and dying world and the urgency to reach these people and awaken them to their fate gave me such sadness. So I ask that as you pray for future mission trips, pray that everywhere we walk, people are made aware of the difference of Christ and the difference causes a ripple effect that will reach the world.

Immediately

From the time of my entrance into this world until the present air I inhale, I have been a people watcher. I love to go to the mall and sit on a bench and just take it all in. To see a new mother in deep conversation with her newborn or to watch teenage boys and girls as they nonchalantly pass by one another or to observe the seasoned love of a couple that is in the twilight of their life is entertaining and enchanting. It is these moments where I realize how small I am; for everyone has a story. Each story is unique and precious to the person experiencing it. It is these moments where I ponder how often I have been the object of a people watcher and how exactly did I present myself.

There are numerous occupations that one can choose that subjects them to constant observation - professional athlete, news broadcaster, performer of any art, politician. I often find myself talking to them through the television when there is an outward expression of protest because of this subjection. "You asked for this when you chose your occupation! Why do you complain? You wanted the fame and fortune." I think we have all found ourselves thinking these thoughts even if we did not vocalize them to an inaudible object. Though these characters are plastered across media in various fashions - sometimes without their blessing - they are really just a fragment of the people that you "watch" in your life.

Though you might not participate in the extracurricular activity of people watching, you do perform the task. You are keenly aware of the behaviors of your in-laws. Your heart is attune to the antics of your spouse and children. Your mind is processing coworkers’ motives and performance. Your spirit struggles with the matter of judgment you subconsciously place on those who are of great importance in your life. When you are in a crowd, you want to point out the situations or people who are not like you or are perplexing in your perspective. Likewise, people are watching you in the same way. Ooo, that just struck a sense of paranoia for you. When we are judged, one of our first instincts is to defend ourselves and attempt to give our backstory. The people making accusations of our behavior do not know our intentions or from where we are coming. They do not know what has happened in prior encounters of similar circumstances or who in our past has left us more complicated.

This same defense should be considered as we people watch. In Mark 5:24-34, we find a large crowd following a celebrity in which they all had similar interest. He was this new teacher that had come to challenge the uppity people of the church, so the lesser man was a fan and wanted to know this new guy. It was rumored he could heal the lame and sick, so to watch him might me you could get a glimpse of a miracle...an uncommon occurrence. I can imagine it would be similar to any situation in present day where a celebrity entered an area and everyone is trying to be near him, to get an autograph, to catch his eye, to touch him. During times like this, people tend to begin to view each other in a derogatory manner - shoving and pushing and snide remarks were most likely being exchanged. In the midst of this crowd was a woman who was like all of others, yet because of an illness she was marked. Judgment had been placed upon her. Yet she made her own observation of the celebrity. He was not just any rock star. She was not simply hoping he could remedy her status so she could be in the midst of the crowd again. He was the answer to over a decade of torture she had experienced both in physical lack of comfort and emotional and mental anguish that coincided with her outcast status. She knew by simply making contact with His elements - His clothing, not even His actual body - she would be changed and freed from her imprisonment.

He knew she was different. He knew why. Verse 29-30 states, "Immediately, her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, 'who touched my clothes?'" He knew who had done so. Yet he wanted the people to watch her. He wanted the people to take their attention off of Him and place it on the one they snubbed their noses. They were to watch the faith of the unlikely one and to ponder how their perception of Him might differ. She might see Him for more than just a passing star. She might see Him for who He truly was. IMMEDIATELY, their lives were changed forever.

So next time you are participating in your own version of people watching, remember there is an entirely different lifestory being written right before your eyes. The moment you are witnessing could change your life and/or their life immediately and forever.

An Idea

There are ideas that run through my head constantly of activities and adventures that would be exciting for our family, or just myself to experience. Then there are the ideas that are not just a fleeting moment. They permeate my being and resurface consistently as if they will not be satisfied until I make the idea a reality. You and I both know those types of creative thoughts that are almost what you would call a dream that you one day hope to fulfill...an item on your bucket list, so to speak. But the item, the idea, of which I am referring has a different kind of grasp upon me. It doesn't just flit about in my head from time to time as something that gets me giddy, like paying off a loan, or traveling to Ireland. It robs me of sleep. It robs me of productivity at times. It is in my conversations, my choices, my motives for my actions.


An idea of this caliber is not of me. We both know that. It is a leading of the Holy Spirit. When the Lord impresses upon your heart "an idea," it is not something that He wishes for you to simply think about. There is action and responding that the Almighty is expecting. What is even more compelling is when you find that this idea that has been within your soul since childhood is shared by someone with whom you are closest. Coincidental? No, rather Divine Interventional. God has a plan for each of us before we gasp for that first breath of life. This plan is not just to exist on this earth for a set amount of time and then one day be united with Him again. There are purposeful interactions and relationships He places in our pathway with a great desire to see us glorify Him with these encounters. The people that are in your life are largely of your choosing - you choose your peer group, you choose your job (therefore, coworkers), you choose your mate (therefore, inlaws). However, the way in which you develop your relationships and utilize your interaction with these people is crucial. Your time with them is limited in the greater picture, so God yearns for you to do everything you can to point these people to Him. Even if they already have a relationship with the Creator of the Universe, you are to spur them on to a better relationship and cautiously monitor as to whether they are growing and you are growing in His Word.


When I expressed my idea with the closest person in my life, one with whom I chose to spend my earthly forever, I was moved by my Heavenly Father. For this person with whom I spend the majority of my days, with whom I share many responsibilities, with whom I share many similar relationships, with whom I share Spiritual growth and accountability...this person shared my idea! God placed upon both of our hearts the same "idea". God placed upon our hearts the same calling! God placed upon our hearts the same desire. Oh if that doesn't make your heart smile, I don't know what can. You see, to hear from the Lord is a moving experience in and of itself. To know that the Lord over all wants to speak to you personally brings me to my knees. Yet to know that He not only has a job for me to do, He is going to provide me someone to go about accomplishing this task with me is even more humbling.


Over 25 years ago, God impressed upon me that I will grow a family providing refuge for those who struggle to find it for themselves. I knew that one day this would become more concrete for me as I developed my career and family in adulthood. For a decade now I have committed myself to love my students - ALL OF THEM - as if they were my own and it can be easily justified that this is what the Lord was meaning by my mothering being extended to those of all walks of life. I am a fairly decent teacher and an even better counselor who loves to be real with my students demonstrating God's grace and love to them. I praise God daily that He has equipped me with these abilities. Yet this is not the extent of the calling of which I received.


Over 15 years ago, I met my husband. During our courtship, during the very time we were seeking to understand each other and decipher as to whether we were compatible, I discovered the whisper that I was hearing was also being heard by him! Talk about a time of truly crawling up in God's lap and begging clarity! I didn't want to say He is the one because of this shared desire, but truthfully, God had confirmed that to me long before this conversation. So after 12 years of marriage, Jeremy Powell and I are now committed to fulfilling this calling upon our hearts that was placed upon us individually before we even met. And now we wish to share it with you so that you will join us in prayer and fundraising as we seek to accomplish this calling.


After being blessed with two beautiful princesses who have each already joined not only our earthly family, but also our spiritual eternal family, we are moving forward with the very clear calling of our Lord to add to our family through adoption. We have known this time would come, it is just a matter of when. We are currently in the very beginning phase of this process simply trying to save and raise money to accomplish this calling. We have kept this to ourselves for long enough and it is now time to ask you to join us in the very important task of expanding our family so that one more can be exposed to God's love in and through our home. We are in agreement for international adoption and are excited about the opportunity that this will bring. However, we are paralyzed by the great expense this will present. I still do not understand why it is so expensive to take a child away from the financial burden of a government facility and place that child in my home under my financial responsibility. I mean really, I am doing that government a favor by giving them one less mouth to feed. Nevertheless, it is costly.


So I am sharing this with you to pray with us as we seek to shorten the days until we can bring this little one home. Pray with us as we are already praying for the mother that is carrying this child and having to decide to surrender custody. Pray that she is safe and able to provide herself with proper nutrients so that our child is healthy. Pray for the orphanage that will house our child prior to our blessed union. Pray for the facilities to provide warmth and shelter and proper nutrients. Pray for the caregivers to be loving and patient and competent. Pray for our girls as they are preparing to add another person to our home. Pray for us as we take into account one more to feed, one more to involve in extracurricular activities, one more to pay for college. Pray for God to reveal to us proper fundraising ideas. Pray for Jeremy's health to remain more than excellent as we progress through this very challenging experience. Pray for our adoption agency as they guide us and advise us.


I have developed a few fundraisers that I will be posting in the next few days, so if you will check back on the blog in a few days you can seek ways to help us. If you simply want to help by an encouraging word or a financial donation for our little one, than you can send us a note to:


Jeremy & Jodi Powell
P.O. Box 221
Hayden, AL 35079


Thank you in advance for praying for us and our "idea". We are excited about the little one that God is going to place in our hearts and I will share with you a secret. I have already seen this baby's face! I can't wait to meet them face-to-face! Isn't that neat! God is good!

My 9-11 (2012)

As an educator in the public school system, I feel compelled to inform, inspire, and challenge students to think and rethink the situations they are faced with in life...the situations we are all faced with in life. My day started out with the obvious calling that I must relive 11 years ago in my Texas apartment where I found myself numb with shock and horror as I watched what seemed to be a motion picture playing out on the morning newscast. My students were just toddling at that time in my history. There concept of memory is desolate as most of them were still formulating words. So it is a great opportunity to apply the ironic statement, "we learn history so that it will not repeat itself." Irony is placed upon the idea that we learn from our mistakes and that we make note of damage. Yet, if I were to survey the majority of my fellow citizens, this horrific event is only remembered on the anniversary or in passing conversation. My morning began with sending my husband off to school as he was beginning his first semester in seminary in Fort Worth, TX. We were 800 miles away from our nearest relative and beginning a new life together in our little temporary, but perfect home. I would begin a new job in 2 days and was enjoying the finality of my leisure mornings. As I sat in the bed watching the morning news, I remember the image playing vividly in my memory. I found myself paralyzed as I watched the picture unfold and I kept hoping that it was a mistake and the camera had somehow merged a new piece of cinematography and the actual news together. But yet, I knew the image was real and the imminent danger our nation was about to experience in mass proportion. Someone caught us not watching. Someone got past our barrier of protection. Someone intended to devastate our entire emotional and physical well being. The phone calls began..first to my husband. I needed to hear his voice. No such luck. Then my parents and his parents. We were all trying to figure out as to even if we wanted to try to get to each other so that we could be together if we were under attack. Where would be next? Was the military already in response. What happens next? Uncertainty is something with which we as humans struggle. Will I have this chance again? How long do I have to complete this task? to experience this moment? to attempt this challenge? When will the bell ring? After an emotional day of recounting September 11, I was brought to a pause in my own life once more as my body began to inform me that my time to complete the current task I have been give was being challenged. You see, God had blessed my family with the introduction of another family member through pregnancy. If all calendars are correct, my term would be in the close of week 9. My alert that I received from my body was just a warning flag, and normally, I would ignore the warning. I tend to play through the pain and refuse the interruption to my game. However, this warning involved my child...who will always take precedence over me. After arranging my other children to be exchanged into the safe hands of their father, I journeyed home to begin my duration of "staying off my feet." Nurses were notified and we were advised just to continue with hydrating and staying off my feet. As the evening progressed, so did my warning signs. On the morning of September 12, 2012, God determined it was not safe for my third child to maintain the journey to enter this world and brought him home to be with my mother, my granddaddy, Jeremy's grandfathers and grandmother in the great place of wholeness and completion. My day began with irreplaceable quiet time as I sat in the lap of my Father who allowed me to experience His gentle hug and comforting words while the most remarkable sun rose over the lake in my view. The sun reminded me that each day is a gift. EACH DAY! I have been given far more than many people, including my child. Yet, I have been given many days with my child that are a blessing I would not trade. My running buddy and I will see each other face to face one day and it will be so emotionally filling. For now, my running buddy is being doted on and loved by his Nona and Grandpa as they battle for time and spoiler rights. Am I angry at my Creator? Absolutely not. Do I trust his good and perfect will? Absolutely. Will I grieve the loss of a loved one? Often and much. This is the uncertain and unknown. It is and always be just that. In order to face it, we must first trust that there is one who does know and is certain about His plans for tomorrow. How we play into those plans are up to him. We can choose to embrace it or we can choose to wrestle with it. One makes life more durable and pleasurable. I cannot begin to hang the sun in the sky that shone so perfectly on my face this morning, but I can praise the One who did. My time with this child was short, but God knows what is best and I trust His loving kindness. Thank you God for this new day and my time of which I have been blessed.

It's Been a While

Today I was reflecting on the idea of writing and toying with it as I have been for over a year now. I recognize that I write in the midst of trial and tribulation and fail to share my reflection in the time of peace and tranquility. However, I feel that peace and tranquility are but a blip on the radar in my household - the storm continues as we battle new enemies. Yet, I want to be more diligent about praising and sharing with those whom feel encouraged or just entertained by my transferring of thought to ink. If any read this today, be of good heart to know that our God is the Everlasting God and He promises that He will be there REGARDLESS. He sees your worth and considers it priceless. You are irreplaceable to Him and the value that is seen by others in you cannot even begin to compare to He WHO CREATED YOU. Know that You will not have it easy, but in the end, WE WILL FIND REST. He does promise that. He does indeed promise that.

Be fearsome today!

My Abbi and her puff

No sooner than I can blink and she is already developing 2 teeth in her little mouth and the little gummy smile that makes my heart skip a beat is beginning to disappear. I believe this is the actual stage for all moms that makes us ache the most. When they roll over, we cheer. When they sit up by themselves, we cheer. When they find their hands and feet, we giggle. When they copy our noises, we rejoice. When they wave bye-bye, we are in awe. But when those little teeth start to appear, oh the obvious change that occurs and our hearts begin to break because we know, oh how we painfully know that our baby is beginning to grow up. If you do not have one, you do not fully understand. The grin and drool that covers a baby's face is so unbelievably captivating. I could work for hours with peek-a-boo and mouth popping noises just to continue to get that same result. She has THE BEST SMILE EVER and yes she is my second child. Emma has a beautiful smile, but there is something to be said for that little round face with NO TEETH and little hair. She just warms my heart.

You know what I'm talking about. The one that she has when you walk into her room first thing in the morning and you meet eyes - it COVERS HER FACE and she begins dancing in her bed because you are there. My heart is getting butterflies as I describe it. Oh, I love her smile. The little teeth, on the bottom to be exact, are slowly creeping into sight. Therefore, my time of toothless grins is drawing to a close.

Yet, I am amazed by her in other ways and I know that is a gift from above. For just as I begin to grieve this loss, I am made aware of another accomplishment for her. We recently introduced her to big girl seating at the table and she quickly informed us that she has been awaiting this opportunity and we are the ones who have been holding back.

So today, we decided to dine on Puffs as we wait on Mommy to prepare our meal. She immediately knew what to do with it. She took the small star-shaped cereal puff and placed it in her little mouth. The first few times she would get it in the front of her mouth and lean forward trying to pull it farther into her mouth - like a baby would do with a bottle being pulled away from them. It was quite funny. However, at about Puff #3 she gets it. She puts it in the side of her mouth and begins chewing on it with her gums like you and I chew our food at each meal. I was so amazed. Then she won my heart further - she smiled at me because she was SO PROUD of herself. She knew. She knew that was what she was to do with that strange thing and she did it. Do you hear the crazy Dora song - "We did it! We did it! We did it! Yeah!"

I will miss the gummy grin, but I am loving my Puff Princess.