Friendship

So I have a confession to make. I am a horrible friend. I am. The people that call me friend probably do so out of pity. And no, I am not writing this to fish. I am exposing some of the ugly truths in my life that I need to own up to. I rarely let people into my deep dark world. I struggle to overly commit myself to the investment of a friendship. I take conflict as a sign we might not mesh. I struggle with coming out of the comforts of my jammies and my faux rabbit fur blanket to go play.

Many people boast on having large amounts of friends. Yet, I think they are most likely taking inventory of their fond acquaintances. Fond acquaintances are people you would grab a bite to eat with on a scheduled Friday night. They are the ones you sit with at lunch and commiserate about the drudgery of working for the man. They are the ones whom you borrow change for that needed soda at the 2:00pm napping hour we all endure. They are the ones who remember your birthday and maybe bring cookies. They are the ones who give you advice about buying a car or a house or which doctor to use.

Friends? Ah, friends are different. Because of this distinguishing status, they tend to be fewer in quantity. Friends are people you call after a horrible day and they drop everything and go to Sonic for a Route 44 root beer float AND drink one with you despite their commitment to a diet so that you do not drink alone. Friends are the ones who send you random texts throughout the day to make you laugh and to distract you from the drudgery of work. Friends are the ones who bring you Starbucks at 2:00pm with a note that simply says recharge OR that loans you the money for the soda never expecting the repayment because they know it can come in greater returns than $1.25. Friends decorate your car or office for your birthday and kidnap you for birthday dinner at your favorite greasy dive.

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend...Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts. Proverbs 19:4 & 6

Your friends are the ones still standing in the wings waiting to hug you when you announce that you are no longer able to serve as a leader in the local community service venue you have given 10 good years of your life. Your friends are the one that don't tell you what other people are saying because they have already defended you to them and the issue is no longer necessary to address. Your friends are the one who don't ask for continuous favors, but instead are about trying to out give you. In the above passages of Proverbs, there is mention of the attraction of wealth tends to have the attraction of "friends." When the popularity wears off or the newness wears off or the money runs out, many will find a new host in which to leach upon. However, there is the one. Sometimes the one is not whom you thought it would be nor is it when you thought you would find them.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy...Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Proverbs 27:6 & 9

Some of my closest friends are those with whom I have had some of the most difficult conflict. Their love for me and willingness to call me out on my sin and shame is PAINFUL...but necessary. We need that person in our life that is able to discern when we are stepping out of line and when we are not honoring the Lord. We need that person in our life to speak truth to us when we are creating our own. We need that person in our life to listen to our sorrow and to allow us to mourn while helping us recover. We need that person that will give us the swift kick in the pants when it is time to get over ourselves and stop being selfish.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away. Proverbs 27:9 & 10

Fond acquaintances will not do that. Fond acquaintances will pat us on the shoulder when we are lamenting over the same struggle for the 100th time and verbalize how difficult our lives are feeding the sorrow. Then after patting us on the shoulder, they will get in the car and drive away calling their other friend and telling them how pitiful we are. My husband always says that when you find yourself in consistent tragedy over and over again, there is the obvious one common denominator in each situation - YOU! A fond acquaintance will not point that out...they might not see it. It isn't because they don't care for you...they just don't KNOW you. Therefore, they can sometimes counsel you to make choices that are not best for you or better yet, not honoring of God.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Proverbs 17:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

With whom in your life right now do you need to pursue a deeper friendship? Who is capable of helping you sharpen your life into a more effective and enjoyable soul? You just had someone pop in your head didn't you? Now pray about it. Pray that God will solidify your pulling. Pray that God chose this friend and NOT YOU. Pray that God will provide opportunities to develop trust. Pray that God will help you to chisel the wall down that you are hiding behind. Adversity is avoided for fear of inflicting wounds or receiving wounds. Perhaps that is why I am such a crappy friend. I live in this world of avoidance of adversity. Oh but don't you worry, it finds me anyway. Ha!

If God has called you to befriend someone or develop a friendship with them, than pursue it. Pursue it as He pursues you. When they seem to be closed up and reserved and surfacy, just keep exposing yourself so that they realize you are placing a great deal of trust in them. They, too, will eventually start testing the waters. I am not saying to go up to the person in the next cubicle and give them your life story. Just realize that God is going to grant you the desires of your heart - the ones that you suppress. Take God's flashing neon sign. You will be blessed by that person and your world will be better.