In the previous post, we dove into the challenges of dealing with parents that may or may not have been present in your life and may or may not have provided you with a clear path to the Lord. It is crucial that before we go any further, we must first address the very necessary principle of who is in control. Whether you are the parent or the child, though you utilize all the influence that you can muster, you cannot change another person. Just like you, each individual comes to a place where they must make decisions for themselves. You can probably all identify people that belong to amazing families and are still not the most stable citizen. If you wish to change someone and "improve" them, you will only exhaust yourself attempting to influence and alter someone else.
Now, kiddos...as an aspiring parent, I will not even begin to tell you that I am an expert on how to raise your children. My girls are amazing, but I truly believe that is Divine Intervention. AND they have not hit puberty yet. Insert panic face here. However, as an educator and a counselor, I have seen patterns in parenting that are somewhat effective in preserving a parent/child relationship where the child tends to have a desire to respect their parent and makes decisions based upon what they have seen modeled for them. Ere go again, I am the parent of pastor's kids, so again, insert panic face.
So you are an amazing parent. You make sure your child is never hungry and make it to school consistently. You provide them a bed, probably with great bedding that keeps them warm in the winter. You might even let them experience socialization in an extracurricular activity where they can learn teamwork and compromise. You might help them buy that first car, or second, or third. You help them with college and encourage them to reach for the stars. And then you find yourself flabbergasted when they choose to pack up, quit school, move in with a new boyfriend - in Albuquerque - and let you know that they will call and text often. What the crap? You have invested 18+ years of your life trying to help them become successful and yet they "fly the coop," so to say. Why? Or better yet, why God?
As we addressed in the previous post and the first paragraph, you must first begin by ceasing the punishment for not doing enough or doing too much. There is not progress in looking back. You must look forward. The Prodigal Son is the greatest example of a parent who invests and provides and almost spoils their child, only to have that child exert greed and take away some of their laborious reward so that they can then waste it in a fraction of the time it took this father to acquire said wealth. Wow, what a kick in the teeth.
The Bible chooses not to speak on the activity of the father while the son was out partying and then suffering the consequences. It only describes the parent upon the return of the child. Does the father spend his time worrying about the wayward child? We don't know. Does the father spend his time speaking hateful words about his greedy son? We don't know. Does the father sit down and speak with the other brother in order to proceed with life? This is not truly discussed. However, I am sure that many of you have made some guesses as to how his heart was feeling upon this detachment.
Many of us are worrywarts. We want to still be with them when it comes time to make difficult decisions so that we can advise them and direct them. There comes a point when you must just accept that all the effort that you have poured into them to model decision making and to model life direction is all that you can do. Now it is time for them to make these decisions on their own. They must choose to either utilize what they have experienced in your care or they can choose otherwise. Hard, isn't it? Have you also reached the point where the decision they make is not necessarily a bad decision, but it is against your personal preference? You, as a parent, have been given a charge in scripture to train up a child in the way they should go...and then let them go.
I get tense thinking about it. Have you met my youngest? :)
You are in a place of influence in the world (everywhere, not just with your kiddos). So your hope must come in the confidence that you have obeyed the Father's command to you as a parent, and now, it is time to let go. Now, were you perfect? Probably not, as there was only one that walked this earth as perfect. Did you point them to the Lord? Did you share God's word with them other than at Sunday School? Did they see you experiencing a loving and trusting relationship with the Lord? Did they learn to love others by watching you? Did they learn that disappointment is inevitable? Did they learn that practice makes "better"? Did they learn how to think for themselves?
If your answer is NO to any of those questions, than don't freak out. It is not what we did in the past, but where we go from here. If you still have children under your wings, than you are still able to live a God-fearing and God-honoring life for them to witness. Now the charge is upon you. If your children are no longer under your roof, you still have a chance. Though they are adults now and making their own decisions, they are still observing you. Making an effort to grow closer to the Lord, and then sharing about that life-changing experience with your child is noted and stored away in their heart. They will see the person you are and they will see how that person is in comparison to their life. Do not berate yourself for the past. God is not honored in that. Humbly apologizing for not being an example is not a bad thing. Humility is honorable. Graveling is not.
Your children will make decisions without you. Some will give you peace and joy and some will make you hold your breath in anxiety. They are God’s children too and He is waiting on you to let Him help you. Give them to him in your prayers and let Him guide you in parenting. When your gut says discipline or intervene, it is probably the Lord. Know the difference in your desires and His though. Know that sometimes they need to scrape their knee in order to not perform that stunt again. It is hard, but it is worth it.
No comments:
Post a Comment