Which Voice

When I began my journey to weight loss after my first baby, I returned to my regiment that I had maintained prior to this wonderful experience. I am a jogger. I don't know if I constitute as a runner. I have never done a full marathon, so I don't know if I am entitled to that label. Nevertheless, my first run post-baby was brutal. As you have read in other posts, I am rather determined, though. Yet, I must disclose to you that there were voices of negativity inside of me. These voices told me that I was an embarrassment to my husband because I had gotten so large. Voices that told me that I would never lose all that weight. Voices that told me my efforts were hopeless. Voices that reminded me of the pleasantly plump little girl I was at one time and told me that I need to accept it.

When the news of the return of my mother's cancer hit my ears, my heart grieved. A battle began in my mind. I had been given 2 more years with her and what had I done with those 2 years? Did I really think that I was the respectful and appreciative child that I should have been? What could I ever do that could be enough to say I am sorry for any time that I had wasted being a selfish child? While the other side of the argument was God whispering to me preparation for what was to come. God spoke peace and acceptance over me. God gave very clear direction to me for actions and behaviors. God's voice was louder. God's voice was true.

When I lost my third child, I was at a complete low. The loss was excruciating, but the voices of insecurity were so LOUD. It was so hard to fight off the constant accusations of the loss being my fault. If I had stopped running, than the baby would not have miscarried...even though I read and reread and reread that maintaining my running was OK. If I had eaten better or more. If I had slowed down. If I had prayed more. I deserved it because I was too old to have another baby. I didn't deserve the blessing of a third and I was being selfish. Some of these voices were even audible with actual people in the community saying them to or about me. Neat, huh? God's voice eventually won out, but I will not tell you that the voices do not still try to creep in and make me experience anguish. Every April 17, I have a choice to make. That morning is a very heavy pep talk.

In his new book, Crashing the Chatterbox, Steven Furtick says, "when you open yourself up to dialogue with the enemy, you have already lost!" That was huge for me. I know that I am to listen to God's voice above all, but to have the release from the argument was so empowering. I have spent my entire life bantering with the enemy as he speaks negative and destructive words and thoughts into my soul. I cannot stop him from making these attempts to tear me down, but I can stop myself from responding. I can choose to say the truth every time the lies are uttered to my ears. I can choose to acknowledge that I have purpose and was created for great things. I can choose to say that, "I know the plans He has for me...plans to PROSPER me and NOT HARM me, plans to give me HOPE and a FUTURE." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I can say that, "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer," including peace from the storm that Satan is trying to stir inside of me. Matthew 21:22

I can know that, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32

"...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that the sufferings produce perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. AND HOPE DOES NOT DISSAPOINT US, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5

Saturate in truth and use it to give you victory over the voices. He speaks truth, not lies. Anything that gives you self-doubt or insecurity is not of God. Don't argue back with the voices. Don't give in to the lies. Speak truth and listen to the voice of truth over all the chatter.