My Mask

My girls love, love, love to dress up. In so doing, they are becoming someone else and entering into a fantasy, or story that their little minds are scripting as they go. They have animal masks of all types like cats, tigers, elephants, and dogs. They have the ever present Mardi Gras masks from art projects and dance costumes. But let’s be real, Mardi Gras masks are also super hero masks, right? Yet, they even have that too. Our whole family dressed up as the Incredibles for Halloween a few years back and we all have those little black masks. We laugh as we imitate fictional characters and express our feelings and emotions through acting.

Let me say that again, we laugh as we imitate fictional characters and express our feelings and emotions through acting. Children are not the only ones who participate in this behavior. It emerges in our childhood, but is disguised in our adolescence and adulthood as normal behavior. So perhaps you do not walk around in an enormous hoop skirt, a ridiculously tight corset, perfect ringlet curls, an oversized antebellum hat, and a parasol; but you do behave like Scarlett sometimes. Her arrogant and selfish behavior is not really what I am wanting to imply either; but rather the dismissal and denial of certain behaviors and problems. "I'll think about that tomorrow." Because let's all admit, Scarlett was a strong, stubborn, and driven woman too. Sometimes we subconsciously emulate people because of characteristics we admire.

Scarlett may not be whom you find yourself mimicking, but maybe the girls on the playground in elementary school or in the popular clique during high school. There every day behavior was not characteristic of whom you really are, but the author of lies got to you and convinced you that who you are is wrong. You are to change in order to be accepted. This mentality becomes locked in and continues throughout your life. Have you even realized that? The little girl who decided to try out for cheerleading even though she loved sports that conflicted with the cheerleading schedule...she's still there. It even leaks into career choices for many of us. We choose nursing or teaching or dental hygienist or banking because someone else we knew did and they said it was the right fit for them.

What about your love for astronomy? Why didn't you pursue that even when nobody else did? What about your love of chemical compounds and how the God of the universe had allowed modern man to even figure out how some of those compounds come to be? What about your love of engines and the very physics of how it works? What about your love of travel and culture? What about your love of advertisement and the actual mental work that goes into the persuasive writing and imagery? What about your love of music and the talent that God has given you to play an instrument - even your voice? What about (insert neglected passion here)? Do not misunderstand me. The first career goals are phenomenal professions that are essential to the function of society and can be fulfilling and rewarding as you know you are contributing to the greater good. I am one of those professions currently in the wonderful world of middle school social studies.

But I have a greater passion. I have a greater desire. It is not mine. It is my God's. I have spent years trying to figure out how to fulfill it in ways that seem logical to me. I have spent years trying to make it work in what I see others do that look similar to what I think I am supposed to do. I have been wearing a mask...and I somewhat didn't even realize it.

I hate masks really, both literal and figurative. When I became characters for Halloween as a child, I rarely wanted to be ANYTHING that had to wear something on my face other than makeup. Even then, I was hesitant. I know this sounds crazy, but it made me feel claustrophobic. I hate them literally too. I despise that we live in a society that preys on vulnerability. I have so often been a victim of people utilizing my transparency against me. Why can't you accept me for who I am? Why must you take advantage of this weakness in order to promote your wellbeing?

Ester Havens shared in a brief word of encouragement yesterday that she decided to remove her mask literally in front of this great crowd of women. She showed pictures of women all over the world who were without makeup and without masks. She thought it hypocritical for her appearance to be altered as she appeared in a message with them. I appreciated her vulnerability and how she admitted the fear it evoked inside of her to stand before these women uncovered, but she was beautiful. And so are we. I have actually scaled back my makeup from my teens and college years realizing how unnatural it appears.

Now, though, my makeup matters not only to me, but to those in my sphere of influence. Specifically, I have 2 little ones watching and inquiring why I wear each product. Careful thought is put into each answer. And their questions make me wonder who else is asking without really coming out and saying it. I no longer want to be the popular girl. I no longer want to be the model on the cover of the magazine. I no longer want that pressure. I want to be me.

Will I stop wearing makeup? No. My answer to my girls is that it is like an accessory that enhances the outfit. But I don't wear it every day. Will I stop them from playing dress up? Absolutely not! Suppressing creativity and imagination is cruel and unusual punishment. They will know that the young lady in the skin underneath it all is amazing and brilliant and able to do all things through Christ which strengthens them though. Will I stop trying to figure out the specifics of my calling? No! And I might look like others a time or two as I am trying to find it, but I will be me. The me He created me to be.