Discerning His Voice

As I sat through this women's conference filled with individuals who were all in love with the same man, I was accutely aware that my affection for Him that I thought that I had was not even a mere crush. In relationships that we have on this earth - the ones, by the way, that He allows us to have - we enter in and out of true intimate knowledge of one another. Sometimes your spouse/significant other and yourself can finish each other's sentences and sometimes they have a new interest that you didn't even know about. Sometimes your best friend goes with you every Tuesday for a Starbucks break and sometimes the struggles of maintaining a family robs you of that connection and you miss things as simple as their 3 year old had the flu.

The same ebb and flow happens with God and me. I detest the fact that I have to admit it, but it is true. Because we are in a relationship, I am confident that He will always be there, so there are times where I let true investment in our relationship slide. The most crucial thing that I let slide is listening. God doesn't just want to listen to me complain or even just praise. He wants to reciprocate and will if I will just allow Him to do so. I am rereading Priscilla Shirer's book, Discerning the Voice of God, for the third time! Why? Cause I need to stop talking.

I am here to tell you that I have had that goose bump awe of my Father when He speaks to me. And that is why I have such disappointment in myself. I have heard Him before. He has been loud and clear to me on more than one occassion. If I have had such an amazingly moving experience, WHY WOULD I NOT WANT IT TO CONTINUE? Yes, my life becomes full with challenges that compromise my joy. Yet, I let those situations steal my joy. I let things come between us. I listen to the evil one over the Lord.

Even yesterday, I was in an attitude of utter joy and excitement as I was clearly hearing His present calling upon my life. I was in that place of committed progression where I was "on fire" for Jesus as we sometimes say in church circles. I had begun to listen to His plan so that I could take my feet and make them move in the direction of His voice. And then that poopy head Satan whispers lies to me. Let me tell you something friend, he is so evil and deceptive. It was not one of those moments where I have a white angel on one shoulder and a red devil on the other like the cartoons. No, no. It was one of those moments that I did not realize until I was crying in my closet trying to pick out what to wear for work tomorrow. If you chuckled, you should have. I was crying while looking through my clothes. Yes, I am a cryer, but really?

Let me point that out real quick though, my awareness came when I removed myself from the other situation. I stepped away and went to do some mundane task/chore, and I heard Him again. "Jodi, you know that we have had an amazing day and that your spirit was in obedience. Jodi, you realize that this wound was open simply to remove you from the path on which I have you and to give doubt to my love for you. Jodi, you know who has been in control of your thoughts and mind for the past hour or more."

And then I get angry because I let the lies creep in. Ha! I am one hot roller coaster aren't I. My point is, once you hear it, chase it. It will be as clear as you allow it to be. I am a person that needs a timeout in moments of stress or conflict. I have always thought that I need it to calm down, but God has designed me that way because He needs to talk to me. And in that moment when my emotions are flared, I can't hear him. I can only hear my self doubt. I can only hear my negative speaking. I can only hear Satan. Just like when a boxer takes a short break to go to his corner and get water and listen to stratgy from his coach, we need that break as well. Some of us more than others. My water is His word and I listen to Him...when I take that break. It needs to happen more often. You see, the stronger I come back into the fight, the harder the blows from Satan will be.

Hurts like death of a loved one. Hurts like words from someone you love that are intentionally destructive. Hurts like financial hardship. Hurts like loneliness. Hurts like disconnect from a close relationship that was a part of your cloud. Hurts like illness. Hurts like fear of possible circumstances. You see the hurts are personally designed for you. A few years ago, I did a study where I identified my weaknesses. It was amazingly freeing for me. Doesn't make sense does it? You see, by identifying my true weaknesses, I was able to see Satan's in route. I looked back over situations of pain in my life and saw that the pain wasn't just a crappy time in my life. It was personally designed for me so that I would either fall away from God or so that, I dare say, would turn on God. Satan is good at what he does. And friend, I am sorry to tell you, he will not stop until we are home with the Lord.

So when your "hurt" happens, I encourage you to get alone with Him and let Him talk. He is not always going to immediately tell you why something has happened. However, your trust in Him will open a door that leads to understanding. He will speak. You just have to listen.