Thursday, September 13, 2012

My 9-11 (2012)

As an educator in the public school system, I feel compelled to inform, inspire, and challenge students to think and rethink the situations they are faced with in life...the situations we are all faced with in life. My day started out with the obvious calling that I must relive 11 years ago in my Texas apartment where I found myself numb with shock and horror as I watched what seemed to be a motion picture playing out on the morning newscast. My students were just toddling at that time in my history. There concept of memory is desolate as most of them were still formulating words. So it is a great opportunity to apply the ironic statement, "we learn history so that it will not repeat itself." Irony is placed upon the idea that we learn from our mistakes and that we make note of damage. Yet, if I were to survey the majority of my fellow citizens, this horrific event is only remembered on the anniversary or in passing conversation. My morning began with sending my husband off to school as he was beginning his first semester in seminary in Fort Worth, TX. We were 800 miles away from our nearest relative and beginning a new life together in our little temporary, but perfect home. I would begin a new job in 2 days and was enjoying the finality of my leisure mornings. As I sat in the bed watching the morning news, I remember the image playing vividly in my memory. I found myself paralyzed as I watched the picture unfold and I kept hoping that it was a mistake and the camera had somehow merged a new piece of cinematography and the actual news together. But yet, I knew the image was real and the imminent danger our nation was about to experience in mass proportion. Someone caught us not watching. Someone got past our barrier of protection. Someone intended to devastate our entire emotional and physical well being. The phone calls began..first to my husband. I needed to hear his voice. No such luck. Then my parents and his parents. We were all trying to figure out as to even if we wanted to try to get to each other so that we could be together if we were under attack. Where would be next? Was the military already in response. What happens next? Uncertainty is something with which we as humans struggle. Will I have this chance again? How long do I have to complete this task? to experience this moment? to attempt this challenge? When will the bell ring? After an emotional day of recounting September 11, I was brought to a pause in my own life once more as my body began to inform me that my time to complete the current task I have been give was being challenged. You see, God had blessed my family with the introduction of another family member through pregnancy. If all calendars are correct, my term would be in the close of week 9. My alert that I received from my body was just a warning flag, and normally, I would ignore the warning. I tend to play through the pain and refuse the interruption to my game. However, this warning involved my child...who will always take precedence over me. After arranging my other children to be exchanged into the safe hands of their father, I journeyed home to begin my duration of "staying off my feet." Nurses were notified and we were advised just to continue with hydrating and staying off my feet. As the evening progressed, so did my warning signs. On the morning of September 12, 2012, God determined it was not safe for my third child to maintain the journey to enter this world and brought him home to be with my mother, my granddaddy, Jeremy's grandfathers and grandmother in the great place of wholeness and completion. My day began with irreplaceable quiet time as I sat in the lap of my Father who allowed me to experience His gentle hug and comforting words while the most remarkable sun rose over the lake in my view. The sun reminded me that each day is a gift. EACH DAY! I have been given far more than many people, including my child. Yet, I have been given many days with my child that are a blessing I would not trade. My running buddy and I will see each other face to face one day and it will be so emotionally filling. For now, my running buddy is being doted on and loved by his Nona and Grandpa as they battle for time and spoiler rights. Am I angry at my Creator? Absolutely not. Do I trust his good and perfect will? Absolutely. Will I grieve the loss of a loved one? Often and much. This is the uncertain and unknown. It is and always be just that. In order to face it, we must first trust that there is one who does know and is certain about His plans for tomorrow. How we play into those plans are up to him. We can choose to embrace it or we can choose to wrestle with it. One makes life more durable and pleasurable. I cannot begin to hang the sun in the sky that shone so perfectly on my face this morning, but I can praise the One who did. My time with this child was short, but God knows what is best and I trust His loving kindness. Thank you God for this new day and my time of which I have been blessed.