Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Voluminous Vomit Part 2

As you know, Emma has recovered from her battle with the Roto Virus. We did return to the hospital and stayed Sunday through Tuesday with Emma attached to an IV because of severe dehydration. All Mommies agree that it is a painful thing to watch, but Jeremy and I are both thankful that she experienced it because it brought her back to the healthy state we knew before. She is now climbing around and laughing and getting into things that she shouldn't. Life is grand...

...until Mommy and Daddy go on a date with friends Saturday night. We leave Emma with the kiddos of Alexanders and the Skippers as they are watched by the DeHarts & the Penningtons. Back story: I had been somewhat ill earlier in the day to the point where shopping for church in the Home Depot had become the most tedious thing I had to accomplish. I literally sat down on a box in the Home Depot to take a breather. If only Emma could walk, I think I could have managed better, but I was toting her around with my friend Kaci pushing the cart behind us with Jonathan in the cart. I went home and crashed and then felt fine. Fine to the point where I was doing craft projects around the house and playing with Emma.

We join our friends for the evening and have dinner at an Italian establishment in town. I probably ate 1/3 of my Lasagna along with salad and breadsticks. Then we journey to the theater to see the Chronicles of Narnia. I started fading again, but this time I didn't feel feverish - just nauseated. I did the seat squirm trying to find that position we all search for that will make the discomfort go away. Right when the movie begins - I spring into action.

I will try to give you the fun visual. I am running down the stairs as best as one can in stilleto heel boots and knocking people out of my way as they are still making their way into the ALREADY CROWDED theater. I cannot say excuse me or pardon me because speaking may awaken the beast. I probably did knock one woman against the wall, but I am sorry. You must understand the urgency.

I make it to a stall and YACK! Now all of you are thinking, great Jodi. Please know that my immediate thought is - "I am so sorry all of you poor patrons of the arts who are now having your evening ruined by hearing such an atrocious sound." I felt embarassed and mortified. However, after EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MY DINNER THAT EVENING LEFT THE BUILDING, I felt tremendously better. Don't you love that feeling? I always feel better after I do the technicolored yawn. Feels better outside instead of inside.

I have completed the exercise and realize that I now need to clean up my mess and myself. Much to my delight, I have chosen a stall with NO TOILET PAPER! Some sweet woman asked me if I needed a paper towel and I politely declined. How could I subject her to my sphere by even having her toss a paper towel in my direction? I go through the ordeal over and over again in my head and I think I looked at the dispenser 7 or 8 times hoping that toilet paper would just appear. Alas, it did not.

So I exit the stall and there stands this pre-teen who says all she can say, "sorry." I told her, "no, I'm sorry. Could I get you to do me a favor though and go tell someone from the theaters what has happened so they can clean it up?" She agrees to do so. I step into a stall down the way to get some toilet paper so I can clean up some of the mess myself. I step back out into the alley of stalls to see a lovely woman about to enter my crime scene. I shouted at her, "NO! Don't go in there!"

She looks at me politely, yet strangely and says, "OK". I told her I was cleaning it up. What do you say?

"Hey Lady, I just barfed!"
"Don't want you to have to see my leftovers"

I told her nothing and she, of course, thought I was odd. So I clean up the my shoes & the seat, but I left the floor mess. Now here is where it gets even better. I decide that I must protect all other patrons from seeing this gruesome display and I stood in front of the stall to keep people from going inside it. It isn't the 10th stall in the back of the bathroom. No, no. It is the 2nd stall immediately seen upon entering. As I wait, I see 3 people from church and 1 coworker who all are now joining with the rest of Fort Worth wanting to know why the crazy lady in the bathroom is so protective of that one toilet. I had to explain my story each time.

Like 15 minutes later some theater personel came and began the trecherous work of cleaning my mess. As I was waiting on them, I couldn't get the freaking automatic sinks to produce water so I was running up and down the sink counter wiggling my hands like a muppet. Finally one of the workers came and got one to work for me. I felt compelled to stay until it was clean and I apologized seventeen thousand times. Then I had to pee. That sends me into another stall. I am sure they thought, "well crap, is she going to do it again?" I came back out and began the muppet dance again. I finally leave the bathroom only to find my darling husband standing outside waiting on me as he had been doing so for the previous 20-30 minutes. I climb back up the stairs into the theater and sit and enjoy a great movie, but knowing the whole time I have just had another Powell moment we will all never forget.

Needless to say, I am anti-Italian for a little while.


KristenRea said...

A story well told! Thanks for sharing you experience for all of our amusement!

Amy Wood said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amy Wood said...

Uh, you have my never ending sympathy, and admiration. I would have insisted that we go home. I also would have snuck out of that stall when I was sure the bathroom was empty and never said a word about it to anyone. You're a nicer person than me. Glad to hear my life isn't the only crazy one in this world.