But God, They Don't...

Honor Thy Father and Mother. Exodus 20:12

Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:6

Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right...that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

As a child immersed in the church culture since the womb (literally, my mom was a pianist, so I was there 3 times a week), it has been beaten into me to adhere to the 10 commandments. And of course, as a child, the primary one that is preached to little tikes in traditional church settings is "Honor thy Father and Mother. - Exodus 20:12." Yes, the other 9 matter, but parents take great advantage of those moments when outside forces reinforce their authority. I know, as I am now a parent myself.

Let's take this into a perspective that is apart from the traditional setting though. What exactly does the word honor mean? According to Merriam Webster, it means respect that is given to one who is admired. Well, that seems simple enough, right? As a parent, it is implied that because I bore you in my womb and attempted to provide you nourishment for a certain amount of years, and provided shelter and transportation on occasion, than I am to be respected and held in admiration. I am entitled to this glorified place in your life. I am to be feared. I am to be idolized. I am to be duplicated. I am to be the primary authority in all things considered. I am the final say. I brought you in this world and I can take you out - Sir Cosby.

Now how's that make you feel? I would hope that you read that with a slight discomfort and an awareness of how selfish and arrogant that could be perceived. Yet, I see it every day. You see, the Bible is God's word, living and breathing through all who are able to read it and understand it. So, I was raised in an environment where I was to respect the authority of my parents and they had the final say on almost everything until I was no longer on their payroll. However, I was also raised observing the environment of others who were under different authorities. I watched friends and classmates receive abuse from their parents - verbal, mental, and physical. I watched friends grapple with missing parents as they were abandoned at some point along the way. I watched friends who had absentee parents simply because the parent worked another shift and was unable to be available for parenting. So I watched this verse challenge people and I struggled with how to explain it to them. It is easier to explain the grace of God's salvation than to explain the "why's" of life's struggles.

Honor your parents. How do you do that when you do not see them with admiration? Your mom is an alcoholic. Your dad cheats on your mom and everyone knows it. Your mom still acts like she is 17 and tries to be your friend and not your parent. Your dad left 10 years ago and you don't even know where he is. And on and on and on. For unfortunately, we live in a world plagued with sin and selfishness. So as it was in the Bible, it is today. Children suffer for the decisions of their parents. I got lucky. My parents were assertive and involved in my life with great authority, but I respected them and was aware that I was blessed. Sometimes I acted like a brat - ok, probably a lot - but at the end of the day, I knew there were other situations in which I could be raised that would make this simple command extremely difficult to adhere.

Honor is also defined as a symbol of distinction. Your parent is your parent. Period. AS they make decisions that cause you to be unhappy or distraught, they are still your parent. You can respect their place as a symbol of distinction in your world as the person that God placed in your life to bear that title. You can also respect them as the person that God placed in your life to distinctly direct you to an awareness of Him as your Heavenly Father who will never forsake you. You do not have to dedicate your life to the idolizing, glorifying, and duplicating of your parent. Your life is to be spent idolizing, glorifying, and duplicating God.

But God, they don't care for me, help me, take care of me, protect me, love me! He knows. He longs for them to come back to Him or to find Him at all. He longs for them to raise you in a place of great reverence of Him. Until He is able to get through to them, He will continue to bring you into a place where you understand love, grace, mercy, peace, and yes, even forgiveness. He does not command us to place them on a pedestal. He does not command us to idolize them. He does not command us to duplicate them. He does not command us to bail them out of every problem. He does not command us to save them. We cannot save anyone. Only God can. He does command us to honor them. They are your parent. Period. They are also a child of God. Period. Your acknowledgement of that distinction in your life is the beginning of a restoration. It is not complete and utter healing, but a beginning. When honor is given to someone who is undeserving, it is possible that humility can follow. Be the crown of the aged and the pride of your parents. Make them proud of whom you have become, despite the circumstances.

You must heal and allow God to wash over you His unending love. Through healing, He will help you find peace. I am a firm believer that you are of no use to the rest of society until you are restored and in a healthy place. So honor can also mean removing yourself from situations where you do not feel you are strong enough to endure the challenge.

Next post will be the flipside...children who do not honor...