Pressure of Parenting

Have you seen my two girls? They are so very special and each sooooooo very different. My oldest is Anne of Green Gables trapped in a 9 year old body. Emma's desires are of the homestead pages of history. She longs to grow her own garden, to milk a cow, to sew, to knit, to read, to craft, to make things out of trash. Seriously, she made each person in our family puppy dogs that she created out of 20 oz. bottles, duct tape, and sharpie. (Thanks Papa for providing the supplies) I know that there are still precious people out in our society who participate in each of those desired behaviors of my little friend, but it is not the normal desires of a child her age. She LOVES to learn and is super inquisitive. She loves to watch the history channel and "How It's Made." She is compassionate and giving as well as patient. She is also able to read between the lines and decipher the deeper meaning of situations and statements. I muse watching her cross that stage in life where she wants to be a part of the adult conversation so she chimes in and makes efforts to engage. Remember that stage. I think it was like 24 for me. :) She is far older than her years. Yet, she is still a developing young lady who has much to learn.

My youngest is a Disney pop princess who is an aspiring actress and musician. She will, no doubt be performing soon. I have just embraced it and accepted it. We have given full warning to our music minister at our church that when she comes through, she will have to stand in the back because of the passion behind the volume of her singing. She loves, LOVES, LOVES to sing. She LOVES, LOVES, LOVES to dress up, both in fiction AND in real life. She is not a fan of pants. She would rather be in a dress or skirt any day than jeans. Often, when given the opportunity to dress herself, she emerges from her room as a small Punky Brewster or Cindy Lauper. We even bought gloves for her a few days ago because she didn't have any for playing the snow. Well this set of gloves came with 2 pair - one pair to be utilized for true warmth as her entire hand was covered and one pair with the fingers chopped off and a little bit of silver thread sewn in. She very clearly stated to me, once we got into the car and she was trying them on, "Mom, these gloves will be perfect for me when I am a rock star." She is gifted in her own separate ways. Like her father, she has the ability to retain almost anything. Once hearing a song for the first time, if she can understand all the words, she can sing it back to you immediately. Good times are had though when she doesn't understand the words and just makes them up - like Lady Gaga's song Bad Romance is also known as White Chocolate Romance in our home. Personally, I like Abbi's lyrics better. She picked up reading super-fast and is now reading chapter books with me. She can sing on pitch and can even hear harmony sometimes. She, too, is incredibly creative and artsy in her own way.

While I am thankful for the way they have turned out thus far, I still stay in a fret of the road ahead. WE HAVE NOT EVEN BEGUN THE TEENAGE STAGE IN THIS RACE YET! I remember myself as a teenager. (insert embarrassed frowny face) I wasn't a horrible kid, but I was disrespectful and selfish and opinionated and manipulative. If that is how you still see me, I AM SO SORRY. I am bowing before Him daily asking Him to remove those aspects of me. Knowing these things about myself, and knowing that both of them are my offspring, I am preparing for battle each and every day. It is going to be a ride in need of a seat belt and helmet for sure.

Often, we are able to glean from the Bible that people are often experiencing punishment from the behavior of their parents. However, some of our Jewish friends took this too legalistic and literal. You can have an ailment that is not the fault of your parents or you can make choices that are not in line with your parents. But let me tell you something, now that I am a parent, I get it. I get what our Lord was intending for us to take away. There are 10 commandments and one of those is Honor Your Father and Mother. We can beat that into them or we can love that into them. As a teacher, I see children who have had both approaches presented to them. Unfortunately, I see kids, who I really do not blame for not honoring their father and mother because they either have never known their parents or are currently not living with parents because of choices the parents have done.

Let me be more personal. How can I expect my daughters to honor me when I do not honor myself? Do I model for them someone who is pleased with their physical appearance? If not, do I model someone who is proactively doing something about this lack of pleasure AND do I use words to explain my lack of satisfaction with myself that point to the Creator of my body and not the world? Do I model someone who exudes self-discipline with activities, with food, with money, with relationships, with work, with leisure? They are watching EVERYTHING. Many of the traits I mentioned above that describe my girls are wonderful and not skills that I possess. However, though we do not always have same interests, I am modeling for them ways to improve their skills (to sharpen the saw as Covey would say) and to utilize time. I am using my voice to encourage or discourage their passions. The things I do during these 18+ years of their lives are crucial to the legacy that we leave. Will my girls feel confident to be leaders? Will they feel confident to try, even when it seems impossible? Will they stay committed and not quit because it just isn't something they are interested in anymore? Will they be able to be a part of something bigger because they have a record they can rely upon?

In the book of Ezra, chapter 2 is devoted primarily to the historical lineage of the Israelites. The end of the passage includes a collection of people who were a part of the pilgrimage who could not benefit from the same blessings as the rest of the Israelites. The reason they could not is because they could not make certain their family had descended from Israel. In other words, someone in their family's history had dropped the ball. They had failed to write down their "family tree" or they had intermarried with people of other nations and damaged the purity of the lineage or some other unfortunate event. Regardless, somewhere along the story, a parent had failed to do what they are supposed to do, and now the child was suffering from it.

What are you doing to make sure that your child is able to receive the blessings from their Heavenly Father? What are you doing to make sure they know how to talk to Him even when you are not around to show them? What are you doing to model trusting Him when times are tough? What are you doing to model appreciation for His blessings? What are doing to praise Him in good times AND bad? What are you doing to encourage them to strengthen their talents and to discipline themselves to practice? What are you modeling for coping with disappointment? How are you showing them the intricacies of relationships and respect of other people - not just believers? How are you treating your temple - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? They are watching. Remember that when you decided to engage in adult behavior to create these children you have, you decided to engage in the journey that brings about the responsibility of commitment to their future.

Oh God, may you give me the tools I need to make today what it needs to be for your kingdom. May I see you in these 2 sets of eyes that look at me and may I hear your urgency. I pray that they learn today a little bit more about what it means to be hopelessly in love with you.