Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Reflection in Search of Direction

My thoughts that I have today are not necessarily seeking a response, but perhaps to let you know where I am because sometimes I have a hard time vocalizing my thoughts - I don't know, something about that fear of rejection or embarassment - that kinda crap. Let me preface my thoughts by introducing what has brought me to them in the first place - reflection. My 10 year high school reunion is upon me! 10 YEARS! I cannot believe this day is finally here. I have mixed emotions of excitement and fear rolled into one. Some of you could care less about this event, but you probably did not invest as much of yourself into this time in your life as I did. When asked by senior teachers to create goals for myself for the next 5-10 years, I took them literally. 10 years have come and I am now in thought about my goals. Ironically, most of them have come true - but the funny thing is, as they were unfolding and occuring I was not conscious of my list made back at Mortimer Jordan High School. I was just simply living. Do I have the ability to forsee the future - probably not. I am just blessed. Living in Fort Worth, TX was not a part of my plan, yet it is a pleasant surprise. Being married to a minister was not specifically in my wording, but my heart knew that my place was in the ministry and He has put me in the role of a helpmate for a worker in His business! :) Therefore, I am in the ministry too. I didn't know that I would be teaching school, but I did know that I would be working with youth - I LOVE IT! My first occupational choice was a licensed counselor for troubled teens - I am doing that, just without the license. ;0) Here is a funny one - I hoped to have a child by 27. Who can predict that? I did! Hmmm... I also predicted the time of my second child. Hmmm...

There is now a void I feel though. What now Lord? This question was probably provoked by our amazing dinner engagement we experienced with Dr. RT Kendall and Dr. James Leo Garrett on Sunday evening. Both gentlemen kindly entertained the questions and comments of my husband and myself as well as their families. Jeremy and I have been in prayer for quite some time now over where we are and how blessed we are by the Spirit and His gracious hand of mercy. I cannot help but see signs of change coming soon. Fear not, for I do not see a rapid exit, but I am aware that something will change. Will it be about my current time crunch? I don't know. Will it be about my educational endeavors or about Jeremy's educational endeavors? I don't know. I am stuck where I am right now - seeking and listening. My passage this morning was in 1 Samuel covering Jonathan's conquering of the Philistine encampment with only his armor bearer at his side. What now Lord? What now?

Pray for me...

2 comments:

KristenRea said...

Hey Hot Mama ... I tend to be a little forceful, even when attempting to love on my friends. Know that my ear is ALWAYS open to you, and that the best thing about times like this is that God does not leave us to walk through them alone. He gives us promises of His presence and friends, too. You are a treasure!

Amy Wood said...

Hey girl. So much has happened since we gradutated from high school. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that when we were 14 our goal in life was to live in houses next door to each other (after our amazing life as pop stars)and be married to two members of NKOTB. Wow, plans change. Praise the Lord.

For the most part I believe goals are healthy, but "flying by the seat of your pants" can be a lot of fun too. God has so much in store for you and your beautiful family, don't spend too much time trying to figure out what that plan is, pray for His direction, and sit back and enjoy the surprise.